Monthly Archives: June 2010

thirty years later…

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Some people say the real world comes after high school, but high school is as real as it gets. There are many life-defining moments in high school and you have to be around people you don’t like, overcome challenges, build friendships, put up with the gossip, the rumors and the drama…and here I am thirty years later getting ready to go back again.

People have varied opinions on going to their high school reunions. A lot of it I guess goes with our own perspective and attitudes about probably the most awkward time of our life. As for me, I am grateful for time, growth, and finally growing out of my own physical awkward stage enough to truly enjoy going back home and connecting and re-connecting with my fellow classmates of West Allegheny High Class of 1980. I have taken some time to prepare myself in anticipation of having a good time…no Botox necessary, thank goodness. Over at Central Valley Moms, I’m talking a little bit more about heading back to high school…my high school reunion that is.

goodbye 50

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It’s kind of awkward that I am saying goodbye to 50-Something Moms Blog before I even turn 50, but I am. Much to the surprise of many of its 800+ (past and present) writers, The Silicon Valley Moms Group founders announced that all of its blogs, including 50-Something Moms Blog would be ending at the end of this month. The announcement did come as a  huge shock to many as was evident by the email responses of many of the SV Moms Group writers but reading the email that we all received earlier this month, it was clear that this was a very emotional, very difficult and painful decision. Of course in the beginning, some of us did not accept this decision too graciously. Change, especially sudden change is hard. It’s scary. It’s unnerving as we wonder what else is going to happen now that this has happened? It is the rare person who openly embraces changes like this. I am definitely not one of those people and I was clearly in the majority of the writers and bloggers of SV Moms Group who struggled with the shock, surprise and disappointment of the news.

Still I couldn’t help but think that as women who better to accept and embrace this change? We are genetically wired to handle nothing but change, major change practically our entire lives. As little girls our bodies morph, sometimes painfully, while the hormones rage and our emotions twist and turn and we become women. It isn’t too long when we find our bodies stretching and growing in impossible ways as we house life that we help to create. What pregnant woman hasn’t looked at her hugely pregnant belly and wondered if it will burst open because it sure as hell isn’t going to get any bigger…is it? It does get bigger and bigger. Then our bodies continue the major upheaval as we birth those babies. During all this crazy-assed physical changing our minds change too. I swear nothing changes our thinking, our beliefs, our values more than when we give and sustain a life with our bodies. It’s insane, I tell you. And while we go a little bit insane thanks to sleep deprivations, morphing post-partum bodies and those crazy, stupid hormones again, we somehow to manage and to many watching on the outside, make it all look so damn easy. Then just when we come to a place where we enjoy this life being a girl, or at least grudgingly accept it, our bodies freak out again, the hormones rage a little then rage a lot then flame out and we find ourselves looking around a little dazed and wondering WTF was that? Puberty is just a whiny toddler compared to that Menopause bitch. Again, we survive and although we may know the truth, we manage to look graceful…yeah a little sweaty thanks to hot flashes, but we still look lovely and graceful. At least I have been told that while I am weathering through this stage. We women are all about change whether we like it or not…and we seem to do it well…so say the men in our lives, and, well, they are right.

As the days have quickly passed this month, we have vented, mourned, offered virtual hugs and well wishes and have begun to figure out ways to keep in touch and keep this venture going or at least something that resembles it whether it is at new sites or our own personal blogs. SV Moms Group was abundantly endowed with talented, amazing writers so it is good to see some beginning to accept the change and go on to the next writing/blogging opportunity and adventure. My time was all too brief having only had the honor to write for them for five months but it was a great time. I loved the challenge and I can only hope that my writing has continued to grow and develop all the more because of it. To the founders and partners of the Silicon Valley Moms Blog and Silicon Valley Moms Group, I offer my best wishes for wherever the road takes you and I thank you for allowing me to be a small part of great group of witty, wise, talented, opinionated blogging women and men. I’m ready to look to the next adventure and I am sure that I will be sharing it here at Adventures In Juggling.

Original post to 50-Something Moms blog.

and thus I am truly a gamer’s mother

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We saw the teaser when we went to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Daniel giggled in anticipation of possessing yet another Lego game to add to his collection of Lego Star Wars, Lego Indiana Jones, Lego Batman only to have his excitement crushed. The game would not be available until June 2010.

“Bloody Bastards!”, I shook my fist at the movie screen.

Daniel reminded me that those were potty words and I shouldn’t use them.

Hanging my head in shame, I agreed but I also pointed out that it wasn’t right that he would have to wait so long for the Lego Harry Potter game. I mean, almost a whole year?! It just wasn’t right. Soon enough we were distracted by the movie…thank goodness.

Time passed…days, weeks, months and as Spring approached, Daniel asked if we could get the game. I had forgotten about it but I soon came to understand that a little gamer never forgets. Of course we could. I suggested that it would be a perfect end of school year prize for all his hard work. This mean waiting…more waiting.

Oh the injustice of it all!

Then, at last, the last day of school arrived. Hurray! The first thing he said when he came home was that we needed to go and pick up the Lego Harry Potter game now. I did promise so off to Best Buy we went only to discover that it wasn’t going to be released until June 29.

Bloody Bastards!

I know. Potty words. So sorry.

We went home disappointed but not defeated. Together we marked the calendar and then began to count down the days until…

Oh happy day!

Let the games begin!

he’ll never…

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I have been enjoying reading this last week Dr. Jennifer Gunter’s new book The Preemie Primer.When Dr. Gunter contacted me last year about her project writing a complete guide for parents of preemies that not only covered the basics in the NICU through the toddler years, but beyond, I was very excited. There are a lot of great comprehensive guides to preemies for parents out there but most I find just don’t address what happens after you go home and after your preemie reaches that magical age of two when we no longer have to consider their adjusted age. To someone who doesn’t know better it would seem that everything is okay then and we all live happily ever after. But to many parents of NICU grads who spent any length of time in the NICU there is no magical date where everything is normal and all caught up…at least there isn’t a well-defined mark in  a preemie’s timeline where we can point and say, “Here! Here is where your ex-24 weeker will be all caught up in growth and development and you can stop worrying.”

It ain’t there, people.

OB-Gyn Dr. Gunter herself has lived the NICU experience not as the medical professional but as the parent of surviving triplets, Oliver and Victor. Her son, Aidan, died soon after his birth. Her book is exactly what it is a titled, a primer for parents of preemies explaining the basics of a baby’s NICU stay; the care they will receive, the potential complications that they are almost certain to have; the system that is insurance, prescription drugs, durable medical equipment and government assistance programs and how to navigate them; emotional and physical self-care; the real world after discharge and the other things that you should know but no one will tell you. Dr. Gunter reaffirms what I have come to realize that those of us in the biz really, truly don’t know what happens after we bundle up our NICU grads and send them home to happily ever after unless we have personally lived it. I felt prepared the day Daniel was discharged home with his oxygen and other medical supplies but I truly wish I had a book like this then. I might have been better prepared for the re-hospitalizations, the endless doctor appointments, the therapies, the surgeries, the feeding tube, the unknown.

One of the best things about this book is Dr. Gunter sharing parts of her own story in each chapter. My favorite was the conversation she had with one doctor about her son’s chronic lung disease where the doctor told her that he would never climb Mt. Everest and how she reacted. I remember so many conversations like that…”he’ll never hear your voice”…”he’ll never be a fighter pilot”…he’ll never sing opera”. Just like Dr. Gunter, I couldn’t help mourn the “he’ll nevers” even if I couldn’t imagine in a million years my son doing those things. Some of the “he’ll nevers” were and are indeed realistic and some predictions proved to be wrong still it is so unbelievably painful to hear your son shall be limited before he even manages to leave the NICU…even if you already know and understand these things as a medical professional like myself or like Dr. Gunter.

All in all, I wholeheartedly recommend and endorse this book. It should be available in the reading libraries of every NICU and would make a great gift for NICU parents as a bedside companion in the NICU while they keep watch over their baby.

One of the very best parts of her book is the epilogue, Dr. Gunter’s “poster” of NICU graduates including someone we know. My only quibble is Daniel actually weighed 630 grams (1lb 6oz) at birth but everything else is Daniel’s story from his perspective based on my interviews with Dr. Gunter. After I read Daniel’s story to him, he offered his autograph which I had to accept of course. But he is not the only amazing preemie grad  featured in the epilogue. Each story is real, sometimes raw, honest and always heart-warming. Life with a preemie is hard in the NICU, after discharge and after the magical age of two when everything is all-better. But it is also happy, joyful and victorious as we discover that there is life beyond the “he’ll nevers” where we get to witness and celebrate all the amazing wonderful things that our preemies can do…

…like their earning their green-striped belt in Tae Kwon Do as Daniel did this last weekend.

my five ingredient blogging recipe

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Blogging friend and co-worker, Sharon writes: I want to know what you think are the five most important things you should know to be a successful blogger.

  1. Be yourself- there are so many different blogs out there..so many…way too many. The blogs that I read regularly are the ones that are written by people who are just that in their blog. They feel comfortable in their blog when I read it. I have found this to be true with those bloggers that I have the good fortune of meeting and knowing in real life.
  2. Define yourself/your blog- What kind of blog is it that you have?  Why are you blogging? Now would be a great time to come up with your own mission or purpose statement that defines your space, why it is in the blogosphere and what you are doing with it.
  3. BLOG. WRITE. POST. PUBLISH. Do it with some regularity. It could be every day. It could be several times a day. It could be Monday through Friday only. You are the boss of this blog. Set a schedule and try to stick to it with some regularity. Every blog post does not have to be the ultimate, award-winning blog post to end all blog posts. Some may be so-so but you can only improve with practice, practice, practice. You will define yourself more clearly as you grow and develop the space.
  4. Be social. Link up to other blogs whether in a blogroll of your favorites or in your blog posts. Answer questions that may be left in your comments. Say hello. Think of your blog as  something like a cyber-cocktail party or backyard barbecue at your place. What kind of hostess are you? Here is where I confess that I am kind of shy. I have to work really hard to be social even in my own place and I am pretty casual and relaxed…I will have a drink in my hand and wave to you to make yourself comfortable and help yourself.
  5. Above all else, do YOUR best and people may like it but more importantly be sure that you like it.

Pretty simple, pretty basic, I know. But because this circus life of mine can be so crazy, I try to keep everything else as simple and basic as possible. I can’t tell you the secrets to a successful, monetizing blog that attracts MAJOR traffic because that is not the kind of blogger that I am. I can tell you that the writers of the successful, monetizing blogs with lots of traffic that I have had the pleasure of meeting face to face are true to these five basic principles too. I think ultimately to be successful we need to be consistent, confident, courageous, candid and curious; not just in blogging but in everything we do.

And with that, my friend, I would say that, in my eyes, you are a success. Truly. The most favorite thing for me about your blogging is that I can hear your voice (the warm, friendly voice I hear when we exchange shift reports at work or just catch up on our lives outside the NICU or blogging world).

Thank you, thank you every one who left me a question this week. Your questions poked, prodded and provoked me in a very good way.