The conversation starts this way, “Have I done something to upset you or piss you off, because you hardly ever say hello and talk to me? What’s going on?”
So, do I tell her the truth? I mean, does she really want to hear what’s on my mind? It’s not too pretty. Which is why I have withdrawn a little…okay, a lot.
My attempt to protect others from the cra-cra that sometimes settles inside of me is, as usual, misconstrued as that I am mad at someone…think I’m better than someone….just like Jr. High. Except for the fact that no one really thought that of me back when I was in Jr. High…or High School. Living in a small town and a mom who liked to manically over share every weekend at the local beer garden pretty much made my withdrawal seem okay…and probably added to the sympathy for those poor kids of hers.
Hmmm…wondering here if I am more like Mommy Dearest than I want to admit that I am. No, not the bipolar disorder…the over sharing…then again I don’t have a local beer garden to do that in. There just isn’t such a thing here in my own small town. Yeah, there’s bars but not like back home…where you can actually bring a baby, or the kids into the bar, er, beer garden/tavern…to eat dinner while enjoying second-hand smoke. and awkward conversations with your parents tipsy friends.
My kids are so deprived and sheltered.
Oh wait, I’m off topic aren’t I?
Back to Jr. High…as in this is so like Jr. High girl drama.
When I was in college someone confronted me like this accusing me of thinking I was better than her and everyone else in our clinical group. Bewildered, I tried to explain that all I was doing was just keeping my head down while trying to get through the nursing program. My anxieties and demons had SO MUCH FUN with me back then convincing me that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, strong enough. I was double wrapped in that cocoon then!
No, I’m not mad at her. She hasn’t done anything to me to make me mad at her. That is what I tell her while I roll my eyes inside my mind. It is indeed true. She hasn’t done anything…to me. I just need to be curled up in my little cocoon for just a little while. It’s why I hang on to it like I do…you know, for those times when my own anxieties and demons show up…and to protect myself from the crazy shit the drama queens who can’t move past Jr. High often try to stir up.