Category Archives: a little whining

truthfully

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Truthfully…

I know the expectation in polite society is that when someone asks, “How are you?” the reply should always be “I’m fine, thank you.” even if that isn’t the truth. You might be feeling sick to your stomach or like your sinuses are ready to explode. Perhaps you have a pounding headache that is jack-hammering your brain or you might have a a blister on the heel of your foot thanks to those cruel shoes you insist on wearing because they make your legs look hot. Or maybe you are so overwhelmed with the worries of your life that you feel there will be no relief…ever. Still when someone asks how you are doing you are expected to smile and tell them that you are fine. Oh, and don’t forget to ask them how they are doing too. Don’t worry, they won’t dump even more burdens, pains and woes upon you. They will smile back and tell you that, yes, they are fine as well.

It is all so pleasant.

Except when it isn’t really.

Don’t worry. I am doing okay…mostly. I don’t believe in wearing shoes that hurt so my feet are just fine. I’m just not okay. Thank goodness for my circus act who adores me…even when I am a naggy, raging, tearful bitch. And thank you that I can easily run 3-5 miles because some days that is truly what keeps me going. Still the reality is I am overwhelmed more than usual with the burdens and worries that is this life of mine. It comes and goes; but lately it has been coming more than going. So right now if you were to ask me I would have to say that actually I am not okay or fine because it is lately so hard to pretend that I am.

No, you can’t fix any of it. I don’t expect you to. Just sit with me, hug me and please, dear god don’t tell me that you know exactly how I feel because truthfully you don’t.

Thank you for letting me be truthful right now.

with the week I had…

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I really don’t have much of anything that is nice to say at all. Honestly, it seems like events from the last few days taking place here under the Big Top resemble the lyrics from some bad country song. I really don’t care much for those kind of songs. Not at all.

And I can’t really write about any of it without sounding like a whiny, bitchy, old lady. I know…

I think I’ll just try to get my zen on with Hazel and do a little yoga.

Namaste!

overheard under the Big Top #26

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Darling Daughter: So I just got a call from the mechanic about Lindsay Lohan.

Mom: Yeah…

Darling Daughter: It’s not good. The total estimate for all the repairs is around $2,200.

Mom: Hmmm…

Dad: The car isn’t even worth that.

Darling Daughter: I know….

Mom: You know I think the first mistake was letting you girls name the car Lindsay Lohan. I mean I know she is a 9 year old car but still she shouldn’t be as torn up and worn out and broken down as Lindsay Lohan herself.

Darling Daughter: Yeah, you’re right. Next time we’ll pick a celebrity name with staying power and endurance.

So now we are juggling her under the Big Top with one car. It sucks. We have four people who work in Stockton, Modesto and Manteca and we have one car. Oh wait. One of those people doesn’t really work. I mean every night she is scheduled she gets ready. She puts on her nursing scrubs. She packs her nursing bag and her lunch. Then just as she is ready to head out the door, she is called off for the night due to low census and her per diem status. No, she doesn’t really work and she certainly doesn’t get paid for getting ready to go to work. So actually we are juggling three people who work as well as a kid going to college, high school and elementary school five days a week who require transportation…and we have one car.

Awesome!

Perhaps if that one person who dresses up like a nurse every night she is scheduled actually GOT to work we could afford to have Lindsay Lohan fixed…or replaced. Perhaps then Bill could accept the better paying job in the Bay Area that he was offered.

Some days just suck…a lot.

:::SIGH!!!:::

thankful day 4

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Just in time for our Thanksgiving holiday, Fallon has arrived. She arrived just in time for me to rush out to Safeway late last night to finish shopping for all the feasting fixings required for a Big Top Thanksgiving feast. Holiday food shopping in a crowded supermarket after 10 o’clock at night when you have been on your feet for the last twelve hours supporting a laboring woman is…

So.

Much.

Fun.

Making a batch of The Pioneer Woman’s Favorite Turkey Brine after 11 o’clock at night and waiting for it to cool to put in the fridge when all you want to do is crawl into bed is almost as much fun.

Finally after editing and uploading all the pictures I took of Fallon’s arrival…because I had to get that done…because I know y’all wanted to see how gorgeous she is…I crawled into bed at 2 A.M. just dreading the reality that my alarm would go off in just four hours because, dang it, the kids had to go to school…the day after their sister had her baby…the day before Thanksgiving. And damn it all, that alarm did go off at 6 not caring at all how exhausted and sore I was.

There just wasn’t enough coffee to help me get the kids off to school and Jagger the turkey rinsed and safely nested in his 24 brine soak but I somehow got it done. I got it done just in time to go pick up Jodie to take her to the DMV to take her Learner’s Permit test.

I know. That means there will be yet another teen driver here under the Big Top.

Yee!

Yes, she passed.

Yee!

Another trip to the grocery store because, of course I forgot some things the night before. After that trip I resolved that I wasn’t setting foot in a store again until Saturday…maybe Sunday. Yes, that means I had to go back out to the store two more times. But soon enough, after a visit to the hospital to get me some Fallon-love, I was back home in time for kids to come home from school and to begin prepping food for tomorrow’s feasting.

By dinner time there were two fairly epic holiday meltdowns. Yes, my meltdowns. It was then that my darling husband stepped in and tells me I need to take a break…now!

Awww!

Actually he was doing it more for the sake of my circus than for me. Nevertheless I took the break and I gave thanks.

Seriously, I have a pretty sexy, fine dishwasher. He even makes last minute runs to the grocery store because, yes, I still was missing a couple key items.

So thankful for him!

doing the electric slide

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You know those times when you feel like you just can’t get ahead no matter how hard you try? It’s exhausting isn’t it? One step forward, two steps back over and over and over again. All you want is a chance to maybe advance two or three steps forward for once…just once.  You shake your fists at the universe in frustration because all you want is just a freakin’ break.

Then you sigh in resignation and start to make dinner.

Suddenly, it’s there!

A message from up above!

A sign!

Could it be?!

How awesome!

Thank you universe!

Have I ever told you how much I hate the Electric Slide?

I do.