Category Archives: adoption

just like that

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Watching Juno together here under the Big Top. A favorite movie here for so many reasons…the music, the humor, the family, the story and so much more. So yeah, we watched Juno here under the Big Top for the umpteenth time tonight.  Then comes that scene…

that scene where Vanessa holds her baby boy for the very first time.

:::sniff:::

I KNOW!

Daniel looks over at me. I look back at him and smile trying to blink back tears and quickly look back at the television.

Daniel: Was that what it was like, Mom? You know, when you held me when I was a baby?

:::sniff-sniff:::

Mom: That is exactly how it was, son. It was just like that.

I KNOW!!

I can’t believe how blessed I am to say that I am this boy’s mom.

 

give-aways

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If you find your way here by Googling “give-aways” I must apologize right now. I’m not giving away anything.

Helping a friend of mine out with a project about micropreemies and their families, I found myself taking a trip down memory lane with Daniel along for the ride.

Sorting through the stack of Polaroid photos from when Daniel was at his tiniest brought back so many memories…good ones, scary ones, bad ones and the ones that continue to this day to make my heart swell with overwhelming love for this beautiful boy of mine. Daniel and I together reminisce over how we met, his Daddy, him and me, and we all fell in love with each other because we were a family. His understanding of his foster-adoption is simple, he HAD to be born 16 weeks early because he was ready to meet his Daddy and Mommy…Bill and me. He carefully thumbed through the pictures and memory book his nurses, my co-workers, made for him and then proudly exclaims, “I am so, so happy that you adopted me!” Then he hugs me oh so tightly.

“I am so, so happy that we adopted you too!“, I answer back.

Improbable circumstances brought us together and completed our family circus act…for good.

Not a family out there who was created and completed by adoption ever takes lightly that which brought them all together. Regardless of the relationships we may or may not have with the biological parents of our children, or the circumstances that led to their relinquishing their children, not a moment goes by where we don’t reflect on them with gratitude for this beautiful child that is now our beautiful son or daughter. None of us can ever to presume what they might have been thinking or feeling…unless we too have birthed a baby only to soon after relinquish our baby. But we can certainly be grateful and, from time to time, say a quiet little prayer for them. It is never ours to understand the hows and whys; it is just for us to be thankful and to do our very best to love and nurture the child that is now ours forever.

Even on those days where, as the old saying goes, it is a good thing that God made them so cute. We all have days like these with our darling children and yes, oh dear glob, it is a good thing that they are damn cute on days like those.

  • Tell your kids that.
  • Put them to bed for the night even if it is only 5 o’clock in the afternoon.
  • Pour yourself a very tall and very strong drink.
  • Vent away to your husband, wife, parents, sister, brother, best friend or the lady ringing up your purchases at Target..

Go ahead…

Scream it to the universe…

THIS KID AND HIS/HER ___whatever they are doing or not doing___ IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

But please, oh please don’t tell your kids, friends, family, strangers that you’re going give away your kid and put them up for adoption because they ___whatever they are doing or not doing___ and you are so done being their parents.

Just don’t.

Think about what you are saying…what your child is hearing you say…what my child just heard you say.

For what it’s worth that’s not how adoption works. Bad children, broken children, children who drive us crazy are not just given away…given away to just anyone. Adoption is our choosing to accept another person’s child as our very own, to become our child, a part of our family forever. The circumstances that bring a child together with their adoptive parents are as diverse as the children and all the parents are but they all are beautiful and miraculous.

I can’t think of a way to sum up this blog post of mine into a pretty, pretty wrapped gift with a shiny bow for you to enjoy except to say such talk, no matter how frivolous it might be, bugs me. It bugs the hell out of me.

Adoption is not that.

Not that at all.

problem #3

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Today ended up being a day to wander a bit down memory lane. I hadn’t planned it. Still it was what I ended up doing. Daniel’s requested hospital records FINALLY arrived! Oh yes, we are that much closer to beginning his HGH treatment and therapy…if the insurance gods deign so.

I quickly thumbed through the 24 pages to make sure all the requested records were there. But I found myself stopping as quickly as I started on the second page, page two of his Admission & History record as dictated by the admitting neonatologist who was on duty early that morning.

There it was to remind me again. Sometimes I forget just how remarkable it is that he is even here. How some believed that it was unrealistic even for him to survive and thrive.

Out of the six neonatologists on staff in the NICU where he spent his first 132 days, only one believed that he would have a good outcome from the very beginning. He even fought against the hospital medical ethics committee for his life. Of course, initially his motives were for the biological parents to reconsider their decision and reunite with the baby. But from the very moment of his birth, Daniel fought hard to live, to survive and to thrive. One by one, he convinced his caregivers of his viability, of his stubborn will to live. And soon enough, very soon, the possibility of him finding his forever family and being placed for adoption became realistic…real for him…real for us. Even the bioethics committee agreed two months after his birth that “his care was appropriate and justified”. Problem #3 proved to not be a problem after all. Yes, even the neonatologist who initiated problem #3 agreed…perhaps taking a little bit longer.

celebrating double digits

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A couple of days ago I alluded to the fact that ten years ago that day my life, my family circus’ lives were about to change and change in a big way. It wasn’t the way we were planning…not by a long shot. No, ten years ago we were enjoying the fact that our baby girl was settled into kindergarten. Ten years ago we were perusing travel brochures and making plans to visit the ancestral family castle and town in Scarborough, England to celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary. Ten years ago I was ready to get back to school to study and earn more letters after my name because “Scarborough” wasn’t nearly long enough when signing my name on some teeny-tiny line…seriously, anywhere there is a signature line on any document it is a teeny-tiny line not fitting for any name more than two syllables long. I was ready to get my BSN, my MSN and my license to practice midwifery. Big changes for our family circus, big plans all falling into place January 9, 2002. Then I went to work that night and received report of a woman 24 weeks pregnant in our antepartum unit who would most likely deliver and deliver soon. As charge nurse that night I had to be ready. Well she ended up not delivering in spite of the fact I was ready. But two days later, in the wee small hours of January 11 she did deliver a 1lb 6oz, 13 inches long baby boy and I met (and held in my hands for the very first time) my son…my beautiful, amazing son.

16 days old!

And now, ten years later, Bill and I still have yet to see the Scarborough Castle. I’m still an RN…okay, an RNC in the NICU. Our family is growing up…our 4 girls and our boy, they are grown up and growing up! Today Daniel, the strongest, bravest person who has endured more pain than any other person whom I have ever known personally is TEN YEARS OLD!

DOUBLE DIGITS BABY!!!

I don’t think any parent of a micro-preemie, while keeping vigil over their baby every day, week, month in the NICU ever dares to imagine celebrating their baby’s tenth birthday. No, we hope, we pray, we wish with all our might that we just survive the NICU and get to take our baby home. Then we hope to survive that first scary year…and the year after that and after that…and then perhaps we start to relax maybe just a little because so much of the unknown of life with a surviving one pound baby is revealed. We hopefully have a better idea of the challenges and barriers that lay ahead for our child. We celebrate each milestone, each birthday but we are too busy still just living, surviving, working hard thriving to see that just down the road our child is fast approaching their tenth birthday…a birthday we didn’t dare to imagine celebrating and celebrating with a happy, healthy, thriving child.

one year

two years

three years

four years

five years

six years

seven years

eight years

nine years

But here we are! Ten years later, plans changed in a big way…in a better way…in the very best way for this family circus. None of us would have it any other way because we sure do love celebrating birthdays, especially big milestone birthdays.

Happy, happy birthday TEN YEAR OLD Daniel Quinn! I just love celebrating you, amazing you…every day…every year!

This is this week’s Wordful Wednesday post. Wordful Wednesday is like Wordless Wednesday, only WITH words. It’s for those of us that can’t contain the chatter, but in a good way. Have something to be Wordful About this Wednesday?  Head on over to Seven Clown Circus and Parenting by Dummies to link up and share.

November is

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…a rather busy month!

You have the the NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) going on with all kinds of daily writing prompts to inspire one to post a daily blog post everyday this month. But if that isn’t enough writing for you there is also NaNoWriMo…Whoo-hoo! All kinds of literary abandon going on with the National Novel Writing Month. Both are wonderful endeavors one can take on this month…really. I know. I did the whole NaBloPoMo last year because even if I do tend to post on my blog pretty much every day it was still fun to be challenged.

This year?

Nah! I seem to already have enough on my plate this month which means I have plenty to write about…when I have the time.

November is also the month of two things that are very near and dear to my heart. November is National Adoption Awareness Month. How awesome is our family because of adoption? This circus would not be the amazing circus that it is were it not for this boy of mine!

Oh yeah!

Each year, the President of the United States issues a proclamation that sets aside November as National Adoption Month. During the month, states, communities, public and private organizations, businesses, families, and individuals celebrate adoption as a positive way to build families. It is a way way to promote positive perceptions, debunk the myths, and draw attention to the tens of thousands of children in foster care who wait and hope for permanent families.

November is also recognized as Prematurity Awareness Month which reminds me again of that amazing, awesome boy of mine. The goal is to make us all more aware of the costs: financially, emotionally, physically and mentally premature births can have on the babies, their families and even our communities. The goal is to insure that families have healthy, full-term babies. Every pregnant woman deserves access to the very best of prenatal care for the health of her and her baby. And every baby deserves the very best start in life. How are we doing in these United States? How are we doing in my community…in your community? See for yourself here.

Speaking of healthy, full-term babies…

Someone will be term this weekend. We are so excited to celebrate the birth of the Coming Attraction 2.0 this month.

Which leads us to the next thing we shall be celebrating this month.

This lovely lady will be 18…in just EIGHT days! She sure can’t wait. Hopefully the Coming Attraction 2.0 won’t be arriving on the 9th because as anxious as her Auntie Abigael is to see meet her new niece, she really does not want to share a birthday with her. In her opinion she shares enough around here.

So yes, November is a busy, busy month with writing, awareness campaigns, teacher conferences, births and birthdays, a Thanksgiving holiday, Black Friday and so many other things it also is the month of the moustache.

Hurray for Movember!