If you find your way here by Googling “give-aways” I must apologize right now. I’m not giving away anything.
Helping a friend of mine out with a project about micropreemies and their families, I found myself taking a trip down memory lane with Daniel along for the ride.
Sorting through the stack of Polaroid photos from when Daniel was at his tiniest brought back so many memories…good ones, scary ones, bad ones and the ones that continue to this day to make my heart swell with overwhelming love for this beautiful boy of mine. Daniel and I together reminisce over how we met, his Daddy, him and me, and we all fell in love with each other because we were a family. His understanding of his foster-adoption is simple, he HAD to be born 16 weeks early because he was ready to meet his Daddy and Mommy…Bill and me. He carefully thumbed through the pictures and memory book his nurses, my co-workers, made for him and then proudly exclaims, “I am so, so happy that you adopted me!” Then he hugs me oh so tightly.
“I am so, so happy that we adopted you too!“, I answer back.
Improbable circumstances brought us together and completed our family circus act…for good.
Not a family out there who was created and completed by adoption ever takes lightly that which brought them all together. Regardless of the relationships we may or may not have with the biological parents of our children, or the circumstances that led to their relinquishing their children, not a moment goes by where we don’t reflect on them with gratitude for this beautiful child that is now our beautiful son or daughter. None of us can ever to presume what they might have been thinking or feeling…unless we too have birthed a baby only to soon after relinquish our baby. But we can certainly be grateful and, from time to time, say a quiet little prayer for them. It is never ours to understand the hows and whys; it is just for us to be thankful and to do our very best to love and nurture the child that is now ours forever.
Even on those days where, as the old saying goes, it is a good thing that God made them so cute. We all have days like these with our darling children and yes, oh dear glob, it is a good thing that they are damn cute on days like those.
- Tell your kids that.
- Put them to bed for the night even if it is only 5 o’clock in the afternoon.
- Pour yourself a very tall and very strong drink.
- Vent away to your husband, wife, parents, sister, brother, best friend or the lady ringing up your purchases at Target..
Scream it to the universe…
THIS KID AND HIS/HER ___whatever they are doing or not doing___ IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!
But please, oh please don’t tell your kids, friends, family, strangers that you’re going give away your kid and put them up for adoption because they ___whatever they are doing or not doing___ and you are so done being their parents.
Think about what you are saying…what your child is hearing you say…what my child just heard you say.
For what it’s worth that’s not how adoption works. Bad children, broken children, children who drive us crazy are not just given away…given away to just anyone. Adoption is our choosing to accept another person’s child as our very own, to become our child, a part of our family forever. The circumstances that bring a child together with their adoptive parents are as diverse as the children and all the parents are but they all are beautiful and miraculous.
I can’t think of a way to sum up this blog post of mine into a pretty, pretty wrapped gift with a shiny bow for you to enjoy except to say such talk, no matter how frivolous it might be, bugs me. It bugs the hell out of me.
Adoption is not that.
Not that at all.