I know. I’m sorry. It’s absolutely frightening how I look without makeup. Still I don’t care because…
I’m getting PAMPERED!!! As I should be. As I deserve to be.
And then Hollie says to me, “I just LOVE how you let me do whatever to your hair.“
I nod because it’s true. And then I catch a glimpse of…
OMG! Purple!! Purple like…
Sure it’s the IT color right now from fuschias to lavendars to deep purples to silver tones. It’s hot. Of course Hollie is fast becoming the go to person to get these luscious, colorful locks here in the Central Valley. But…dress codes…”natural hair color”…Absolutely I am a woman of a certain age who could wear the blueish-purplish-silvery hair and it would be totally legit…but, I don’t know.
“MOM! Stop peeking!!!”
I confess that now I am nervous but I keep repeating to myself how much she loves that I trust her…over and over until…
Signature copper with deep violet-red roots painted on as if baby I was born this way.
I may save tiny human beings but my girl makes me beautiful and that, based on the presented photographic evidence is truly miraculous.
There has been better days and good days and okay days and then there is a bad day…and I see this on my Facebook timeline.
OMG, yes! Sharks!!
Exogenous or endogenous…”Who the hell really cares?!”…that’s what my doctor said to me.
I like her.
I like her a lot.
I also respect the years and years of study she has spent always learning and trying to better understand the physiology of the brain. We are working hard together and, yes, there have been better days. There have been days with more positive energy and a lot less self flagellation.
Then comes a bad day and…
At least I’m working, working very hard, and I continue to go on.
The struggle is real.
But the work is good even if it is hard and sometimes even brutal.
Who knew that this non-swimmer could manage to swim a little, tread water and ride the surf a little?
But I am.
I just got to watch out for those damn sharks.
Thank you Adam for the perfect words on what wasn’t a very good day. It’s good to know I’m not riding those waves alone.
Found this today and all I can say is yes…hell yes.
I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience. ~Jose Micard Teixeira
And now the hard part, to take those words and make them mine because…yeah.
Won’t lie, of late it has been wretchedly hard to maintain that 100% track record of mine. Thank goodness for the kind of people who do more than just offer the trite “let me know if I can help” bullshit then avoid you like the plague because that’s what happens with people in your circles when shit happens. It’s okay. I understand. I promise you that I’m not contagious.
Meanwhile, thank you Kari, Mike, Tori, Grace, Craig, Kim, Erika, Jenn and Brenda for little messages and reminders to hang in there. Thank you.
Thank you also my darling husband for just being patient and kind because more than anything that is what I need right now. Wait, I need hugs. I need lots of hugs. Thank you and thank goodness for Daniel and for Hollie sending Hazel and Fallon with hugs. Yeah, I know Hazel might be using these opportunities to get out of homework because 1st grade life is hard and Fallon is absolutely using the opportunity to get out of naps but those are mighty fine hugs and something to look forward to the next day, tomorrow, because yeah today is almost done.
Up until a few days ago, I was quite certain that once again I would not be attending BlogHer even if it is thisclose to me. Disappointed? Yes. But it’s reality I told myself. Then opportunity came along and, well, I’m going!
Ten years of BlogHer. Ten years of bloggers and writers everywhere putting ourselves out there laid bare, exposed for the interwebs to look at, examine, identify with, judge. It’s been ten years of me putting my self out there on this here blog. How appropriate that I will join in on the #Selfiebration as we celebrate and reflect a little on what it is that we do…why we do it…why we hit publish every time that we do. We all have our reasons. So many of the reasons here I identify with so much.
Before Adventures in Juggling, I never really had a voice…a voice that wasn’t shouted down or talked over or told to just be quiet. Ten years of expressing myself and saying the things out loud here that I could never say anywhere has been a good thing…a very good thing. I’ve weathered the storms of raising an angry teen…and a few more teens, perhaps just as angry or perhaps not. I’ve appreciated the good in my life as a juggling mom. I’ve worked through the tears and fears and frustrations and the incredible loneliness of caring for and raising a beautiful child whose daily special needs required even more intensive parental care if not more hours in the 24 hour day. I’ve even have survived peri-menopause and now menopause without going completely hormonal on the entire world…especially my circus and family. You who tried to shout me down, talked over me or flat out told me to be quiet should be thankful…really.
And with that voice that I found I also found community, a community with whom I look forward to re-connecting with, hugging on, encouraging and inspiring this weekend.