like cellophane

Quote

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

It’s one of the age old philosophical questions…isn’t it?

Well?…

Does it?…

Does it make a sound?

Then what about the wife, the mother? If she makes a statement to her family as they are gathered around and they all seem to nod in assent does that mean that she has ever made a sound at all?

Really?!

It’s like no one ever knows you’re there.

Wives and mothers totally get what it feels like to be Mr. Cellophane.

Do they even see you if they don’t hear you?

I mean really?

Am I right?

Of course I am!

Today feeling like cellophane.,

Thank goodness for friends who work along side you, friends, who like you, rarely ever take the time to make it just about them alone, to remind you and them that it sometimes needs to be just that. It needs to be all about you…and them.

And good food and wine…

And karaoke…good, bad, really bad and great karaoke for the win, bitches!

Exactly what is needed to remind you that you are impressive, distinguished, remarkable, valuable you.

All of us.

 

 

deal 2015

For the last two years I have chosen a word for the year. It’s so much easier than resolutions, which I never did any way because…why? Three weeks later they are just going to be broken and then comes the guilt, the shame and the self-loathing.

Yeah.

No.

I am already too good at that having perfected it for the last 50+ years.

No resolutions for me. Not ever.

Focusing on one word to sum up who I want to be and how I want to live this year is what I choose instead.

2013 was the year where I chose to embrace. Miles helped to define 2014 for me.

And for 2015?

I thought about it as I began to write down The Big Top calendar. As usual, the days of the month filled up quickly with work schedules, a couple doctor appointments, birthdays, meetings, holiday plans, parties, classes, practices and half marathon training.

Sigh!

Already it promises to be a busy month because even as the kids have grown up what else would I be doing but juggling?

It’s very easy to become overwhelmed as one imagines that there isn’t enough hours in the day while looking at that calendar.

Very easy.

I look at my coffee mug and smirk thinking that yes, I’m just going to have to deal with it.

DEAL!

When it comes to this year I just need to hitch up my big girl panties and just get stuff done.

Leap.

Without fear of failure.

This last year, with a big gulp and a swallow, I began to try to learn and understand just who I am. With a lot of help, I am learning how to be content that I am enough for me and me alone. I’m not perfect and I never will be but I am enough. Enough to take on the hard things, and be okay if everything doesn’t fall into place as planned. It will be okay to not have everything figured out. It will be okay because I am going to just deal with it. I am going to remind myself (often I imagine) that you don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens. Sometimes you just need to deal.

In 2015 there will be good days, bad days and ugly days. And with a little luck, hopefully there will be some great days too. Each day I will face and I will deal with it, as I always do. But this year I will deal with intention.

a year of selfies and more

Remember when I declared, “Hello, this is me.”?

And then I went on to share for six months. One hundred eighty one days I shared with the webs a whole lot of self-indulgent selfie love and selfie indifference and selfie loathing. And, when I didn’t know what to do I shared my feet.

This is stupid, I thought.

This is hard.

I’m sure people are rolling their eyes and clucking their tongues. I can think of at least two…perhaps three.

Then again, who cares what one or two or three people really think. What do I think?

Well, I still think this is hard. I still am having a hard time being creative with a selfie. But I am learning. I’m learning to kind of like the way the camera reflects back at me…at least my iPhone camera extended arms length away from me…with the occasional Instagram filtering…Valencia is my favorite.

Keep going, I say to myself.

One more month.

Okay?

And that is exactly what I did. I also chopped off ALL of my hair because…why not?

And after six months, one hundred eighty one days of nothing but me, I pointed the camera around me…and sometimes back at me because…just because. I’m not as afraid of that image of me that the lens captures as I used to be. I might even like it just a little bit.

Still the story remained my story through my lens.

A good story, a bad story, my story all the same.

Every day there was something to see, something to say, something to share.

A story that, it seems, some actually have enjoyed.

A photo a day, every day. Mostly of me; but sometimes with lens pointed away from me. All my story, my life, my 2014.

Of course the story goes on because life, it goes on. You’re more than welcome to follow along. If anything you can watch how fast my hair grows before my sister’s wedding in August because, yes, there will be the occasional selfie.

 

 

 

and now let us pause for a moment of self-indulgent meditation

(almost) Everyone has at least one…one pair of perfect blue jeans. The pair that fits your shape perfectly in every way that you want it to. They are perfectly broken in. Perhaps they have been that way since Day 1 because you paid the extra coin for them in their perfect wearable destruction; or maybe they have been worn to perfection through the days, weeks, months and years that you have worn them. You slip them on and they hug every curve and edge exactly how you want them to. They are your old friend that you can dress up, dress down, grunge around in or just chill in.

Your jeans.

Your favorite pair of jeans.

Your perfect pair of jeans.

Your most favorite, perfect pair of jeans.

Then today you slip them on and lo, they have become distressed and destroyed in such a way that is most certainly not fashionable, or repairable and…

:::SOB!::::

Oh stop judging! I know you get it because I know you too have that pair of jeans and even if you don’t, it’s my blog and I’ll self-indulgently mourn for the jeans that I have worn perfectly for longer than my first grandbaby has been alive if I want to.

By the way, that grandbaby is 6½ years old and she STILL hasn’t lost any baby teeth.

Let us all now pause for a moment of silent meditation for the perfect pair of blue jeans lost.

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_

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Thank you.

#RIPLaurasFavoriteJeans

 

 

potential dress code violations

Sitting in Hollie’s chair:

I know. I’m sorry. It’s absolutely frightening how I look without makeup. Still I don’t care because…

I’m getting PAMPERED!!! As I should be. As I deserve to be.

And then Hollie says to me, “I just LOVE how you let me do whatever to your hair.

I nod because it’s true. And then I catch a glimpse of…

OMG! Purple!! Purple like…

Sure it’s the IT color right now from fuschias to lavendars to deep purples to silver tones. It’s hot. Of course Hollie is fast becoming the go to person to get these luscious, colorful locks here in the Central Valley. But…dress codes…”natural hair color”…Absolutely I am a woman of a certain age who could wear the blueish-purplish-silvery hair and it would be totally legit…but, I don’t know.

“MOM! Stop peeking!!!”

I confess that now I am nervous but I keep repeating to myself how much she loves that I trust her…over and over until…

Signature copper with deep violet-red roots painted on as if baby I was born this way.

Naturally!

I may save tiny human beings but my girl makes me beautiful and that, based on the presented photographic evidence is truly miraculous.