fashionista


“It matches because of the skirt.”
-Hazel Faye

Yes.

See what happen when you refuse to let your little girl wear her favorite sundress on a cold, blustery winter day? You dress her funny on purpose and then she grows up to become mommy to a true fashionista.

Seriously.

Why was this look not on the runways during Fashion Week?

WHY????!!!!

 

 

new and adorable


There is nothing more adorable than a brand new baby…and the brand new parents. Everything is shiny, new, perfect, clean and sweet smelling. Oh that new baby smell! Then they burp and puke and fill their diaper with the most foulness that is literally twice their body weight. How is that even possible?

Still babies are amazing and the newness of them and their parents discovering it all is oh so adorable. Like how the newbie parents I know with their perfectly precious babies have discovered all things breastfeeding and babywearing and cloth diapering. I mean how did the parents before them…their parents and grandparents… manage before these awesome things? A new parent I know literally said that recently.

?

Oh you brand new parents! Y’all are absolutely precious!

Some of you I have known since you were kids yourselves. You know, back in the day when I seemed to be always pregnant or carrying a baby around…in my baby sling…when they weren’t attached to my breast like that one I nursed until right before she turned FOUR YEARS OLD. I’m pretty certain that my sister in law believed me when I joked that I was going to continue to breastfeed her right up until she graduated from high school. I was dead-pan serious when I told her that in answer to her question, “How long are you going to keep doing that?” And when I wasn’t babywearing or breastfeeding those babies of mine I was cloth diapering them with real SAFETY PINS. What can I say, some of my parenting peers and I were way ahead of our time. We were kind of hard core too because safety pins.

Erm, actually no.

To the generation or two before me I apologize for being certain that my baby parenting style of babywearing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, breastfeeding was something we parents of the 80′s, 90′s and 00′s invented because, OMG, I was pretty obnoxious about it all, wasn’t I?

Note to the generation before me, this is likely one of the only times I will apologize about my early parenting know-it-all obnoxiousness so savor it while you can.

Now don’t stress my dear newbie parents. I’m not judging you or poking fun at you. I’m just observing and realizing that I was pretty much the same way. I think it is part of the process of figuring out what kind of parent we are going to be and feeling confident in who that is in spite of the grandparents’ well-meaning critiques. Sorry newbies, they never really stop that even when you have somehow managed to raise a human up to be an adult who makes an honest contribution to society…or makes human babies of their very own.

I know. It kind of sucks.

But you did invent this new cloth-diapering style with those sweet little fancy wraps and baby wearing amazing wraps for every day of the week that coordinate with your hipster wardrobe and co-sleeping and breastfeeding and everything else awesome that you are doing for your little ones. I know that you believe this all to be true. It’s okay for you to believe that because there are some exhausting days and sleep-deprived nights where it will seem like that is the only truth you can cling to in order to reassure yourself that you are doing this parenting thing right.

You ARE doing this parenting thing right.

You also might cling to the novel idea that it’s going to get better and so much easier when they are older and can mostly take care of themselves. Then, at long last, you shall sleep…like babies.

Oh you adorable parents of young ones who long for when they are older & can do things for themselves so you can relax and sleep well.

Heh!

You have no clue.

Absolutely no clue.

You think you do.

But you don’t.

Those grown and nearly grown beautiful children of yours go out and sometimes make bad choices. Of course sometimes they don’t because of your amazing parenting skills but they are still out and it is late. Are you beginning to understand now why years ago I declared to darling daughter #1, Hollie, that the car had a curfew even if she was 18 and an adult? One night she came home, bringing the car home in time for curfew and offered that I didn’t have to wait up for her. I immediately answered back that yes I did. Nineteen year old Hollie would never understand that yes I did because though she be all grown up and an adult, she was still my baby girl and how in the world was I supposed to sleep like a new baby if she was out and about town?

How?!

I think mother-of-two-little-girls Hollie might begin to understand…soon…as soon as her girls let her have an uninterrupted night’s sleep. I know that big sister Hollie definitely understands.

Meanwhile, there isn’t enough coffee to get through today after last night’s epic bad choices because part of becoming a grownup sometimes involves making such mistakes…the kind you’ll likely never, ever make again and the kind that you will never, ever let the children you might have in the future (the distant future) ever even try to make.

Good luck with that.

Excuse me, I’m going to pour myself another cup of coffee.

damned if they do, damned if they don’t


So there I was, sitting in the outpatient registration waiting room of a local hospital with Hazel Faye.

Don’t ask. It was no big deal. Really. But yes, there Hazel and I were sitting in the waiting room with the Fox News Network blaring shrilly as it does in the waiting room of outpatient registration of our local hospital. I’m not sure why it must be Fox News, but it is.. Maybe because we are quite possibly in the fifth circle of Hell sitting in an outpatient waiting room.

Trust me, the last thing a five year old wants to do while waiting endlessly in a boring waiting room is to listen to some shrill pundit kvetch and moan and tear at their clothes worrying about why the President would appear with Zach Galifnianakis on Between Two Ferns. She also doesn’t find other people in the waiting room shouting at the tv entertaining at all. She’s five. All this is boring; especially sitting in a waiting room.

See?

BORING!

Don’t worry. I’ve got this.

Frozen on Mima’s iPad! You are welcome everyone waiting endlessly in the outpatient waiting room! Hazel is happy. Hazel is entertained. Hazel is sitting still. Hazel is occupied. And save for her quietly singing “Let It Go” (with perfect pitch and sounding great), she is not bothering anyone.

You.

Are.

Welcome.

Except the three older people sitting in the corner aren’t so sure.

Is that a game or something?“, a little old lady shouts out at Hazel.

Hazel looks up briefly and answers back, politely, “No, it’s an iPad.

The little old lady clucks her tongue and looks to her two companions, “Kids! They just can’t do anything but stare at some screen.

“They’re spoiled. Parents can’t be bothered so they give them cellphones and smart computers and games and those ‘Pads’ and tvs.

Yup, they’re spoiled!“:

Parents just don’t care.

The three of them nod together as they look up at Hazel then at me glaring.

Oh for crying out loud!

The first old lady nods in my direction, “How lucky she is her mother can buy her such an expensive thing like an iPad.

Hazel looks up again, rolls her eyes and says matter of factly, “I don’t have an iPad. This is my Mima’s.

I put my arm protectively around Hazel and say out loud, to no one in particular, “Well I guess a kid like you is darned if you do and darned if you don’t.

And Hazel answers back, “Yup!

For the record, I did say darn.

maybe it’s just me but…


Iowa dad, Alan Andersen, like many other parents, including myself, picks up his kid from school every day. Such a good parent! Still it can be tedious waiting and waiting for your kid to come to the car. I know because my darling son takes the time to say good bye to all of his teachers (past and present) and the cafeteria ladies and the yard duty workers and the crossing guards at dismissal time every day. I try not to complain too much after all because that was something I wished for him a couple years ago when I was fighting for the school district to not move him to yet another school campus. It can also be stressful because as any parent knows the school pickup/dropoff queue can be insanity on any given day. A parent can get rather stabby while trying to wait and navigate this mess that is the school pickup/dropoff. So I usually try to find things to do to keep myself entertained while lined up with all the other parents. There’s always a good book, or emails or Facebook or Twitter or Instagram. For Alan Andersen it seems that this is what he does.

For nearly six minutes he video recorded his daughters’ classmates slipping and falling on a patch of ice next to his car. Does he offer assistance? No, of course not because, um, it’s funny? Maybe. Perhaps. But six minutes?! He is recording this and laughing hysterically, mocking these kids with his daughter joining in. “We’re kind of bad people.” , they seem to agree with one another as they continue to laugh hysterically for nearly six minutes. Thankfully, it seems that no one got hurt. I would hope that if someone did he would have put the phone down and got out to offer help.

Hopefully.

Meanwhile the video has gone viral with everyone agreeing that it is hysterically funny watching kids slipping and falling on ice.

Well, except for me.

I agree with the dad that yeah, he is kind of bad people laughing at children slipping and falling on ice right in front of him.

But that’s just me.

her turn


From the time she was two until shortly after her fourth birthday, I frequently “lost” my darling daughter, Jodie. You know what I mean, how you turn your head for one second or allow one of your other children to distract you with something trivial like tying their shoes or extricating them from a jump rope tied to the swing-set or breaking up the twelfth knock down drag out fight between at least two of your darling little circus clowns and that little one is suddenly GONE, like NO WHERE TO BE FOUND! No, she wasn’t the only one of my children who would become lost; she was just the one that seemed to become misplaced ALL THE TIME.

Yes, I can hear you clucking your tongues and imagine you folding your arms tightly across your chest as you shake your head disapprovingly over my obviously poor parenting skills…because you have never turned around to see that your little darling is not by your side in a crowded department store or at a Saturday afternoon soccer tournament. Of course your child has never, ever wandered off scaring you half to death and giving you even more gray hair.

Of course!

I believe you.

But, it has happened to me…more often than I want to admit…mostly thanks to my sweet, adorable Jodie Grace Wynonna.

Payback, well, payback can be a bitch she discovered this weekend while we walked around San Francisco.

No, I was not lost. I knew exactly where I was. I was on Powell Street at the Cable Car Turnaround taking pictures because…

they were all lined up and the lighting was absolutely perfect after the afternoon shower. Of course I had to stop and take pictures!

Of course!

Because!

Right?!

Jodie, on the other hand, seemed to completely disagree. “OH MY GAWD! MOM!! You can NOT just wander off like that! I turn around and you were GONE! Do you realize how much you scared me!!!

No clue, my darling daughter. I have absolutely no clue.

She is not amused with the truth that this just might be a small payback for the years she did this to me…all the time.

Not at all.

My punishment? A trip to her Mother Ship, the Forever 21 Flagship store.

Whatever, little girl! I think I shall further torture you by purchasing these sweet shoes and wearing them EVERYWHERE!!!