Category Archives: Ben

it’s all fun and games until someone farts and throws up

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Oh photo shoots with families…large families! They can always be fun.

Right?

I try to imagine that. I mean if I close my eyes real tight and think on it real hard it will be so.

Right?

Yeah, but no.

But they can be fun.

They can definitely be fun when your friend is taking the pictures…and what is this with the shot of my ass? My friend has a wicked sense of humor.

We agreed to help my friend, Marie, out with a special project she is doing for the March of Dimes WalkAmerica and NICU Reunion featuring NICU graduates. Actually I agreed. You know how it is. Mom says so and so it is. But this project of Marie’s is a good thing and we manage to get some pictures of most of the family circus. I gave her some pictures that I have of Zoë with her favorite little brother, Daniel which will be included in the poster. We would much rather have Zoë here but life, job, school and bills happen when you are a grown up living on your own more than 330 miles away from home.

We miss you like crazy Zo-zo!!!

Act natural she said.

Relax she said.

Just be yourself she said.

And so we did. Perhaps we did just a little bit too much because yes, someone farted and we all reacted as expected…which Marie documented in several frames. Of course she would because she is the kind of friend who will take a picture of her taking a picture of my ass.

Love that girl!

Thankfully she didn’t document the throwing up.

Oh family photo shoots!

I can’t wait to see what she does with all of this.

living in a greenhouse

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That is what we have been living in for a little less than two years. With the front of the house facing east and the back facing west and five large sky windows offering southern exposure, the Big Top was basically a greenhouse. It has always been, depending on the season, 10-30 degrees warmer inside. Perhaps a good thing in the winter but it has been absolutely, positively unbearable in the spring, the summer and the fall. Think about it. When it is say 110° outside, which it is often anytime June through September (and October last year!) it is overwhelming inside…if we didn’t have air conditioning…which we do but the ac pretty much would have to be on from 9 AM through 9 and even 10 PM just to maintain the indoor temperature in the 80s.

Yes, our PG & E bill during the late spring, summer and fall is insane.

Yes, many people are desperate for the light and the bright, especially during the winter months. But these people have not spent any length of time here under the Big Top greenhouse.

Truth be told, I hated it. I have hated it even more than the rental white walls that are poorly painted and the mis-matched painted baseboards and doors throughout the house. It is just too damn bright. Rarely does anyone ever curl up in one of our cozy leather chairs to read or just relax in our sitting room. It is just too bright and too hot. I could not and still have not hung any of my precious photos (there are a lot of photos) or any of the art that we have (mostly thanks to our talented niece). Are you kidding me? The constant sunshine streaming in through all those freaking windows from sunrise until sunset would destroy our precious, valuable-to-us treasures. So all those treasures, photos and objects d’art have remained packed away in the little cupboard under the stairs…the long-promised playhouse for Hazel, and now, Fallon.

A couple weeks ago I got to the point that I just could not go through another spring, summer or fall living in this greenhouse. Something had to be done, I told Bill and our landlord. So Bill and our landlord together decided that yes, I was right. Of course I was right. It was decided the least expensive, easiest and best option for us and our landlord was an energy saving tinted window film.

Bill and Ben together worked on this last weekend. I told them this was the best birthday gift! The difference is so dramatic.

And so very much appreciated these last couple of March days, before the official start of spring, with bright, sunshine-y highs in the 80s. The Big Top has remained a comfortable 70°!

I KNOW!!!

Buh-bye greenhouse effect!

As for me, I have spent the last two afternoons curled up in one of my cozy, comfortable sitting room chairs reading…at four-freakin-o’clock in the afternoon!

Best.

Birthday.

Gift.

holiday runs

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I got me some new kicks. Kind of pretty, aren’t they? They feel pretty good on the runs that I have taken them out on too.

I’m hard on my shoes…really hard. Well, except for those Loubies because I can’t walk very well in those because I am clumsy and awkward. But I do look amazing wearing them and sitting or standing in one place. Actually, I look hot! But yes, I am hard on my shoes. These Mizunos are my 3rd pair of running shoes that I have bought this past year. One pair was trashed and never the same again after that mud run my son in law challenged me to. As for the others, well there are a number of opinions swirling around as to when a runner should replace their shoes. Me, I am a listen to your body while running kind of girl. My shins and knees don’t lie and when I choose to ignore them, or other body parts, I pay for it. So I listen…and I get myself some new, pumped up kicks.

Just in time for the Runner’s World Holiday Run Streak.

Yup!

I’m running that again.

It really is not such a big feat and it really doesn’t take that much time…one mile…less than 11 or 12 minutes. But after last year, I came to discover just how important it proved to be for me. The stress is different this year coupled with anxieties and just the struggle of getting up some days so, again, I need to be running in order to juggle this life under the Big Top. Thank goodness I have something cute (and more than functional) on my feet!

Meanwhile, because it is Christmas time under the Big Top, it is time to deck some halls, which I confess, is kind of hard to get all excited about and motivated to do…except for the fact that Daniel is all over it and so is Hazel…and Fallon, Fallon is just loving the lights and STUFF that she is determined to get at because they are shiny and look fragile and not meant for a one year old. Oh, and Zoë is coming home for a holiday visit. Yes, the Big Top must be decked…no matter how long it takes. So I hauled out the Christmas boxes, set up the trees, hung some stockings and garland after a 4 mile run earlier this week. I figured that I was already hot and sweaty, I may as well get sweatier.. And I did. While stepping back, basking in my sweaty glow of an awesome run and even more awesome sense of accomplishing at least the start of hall decking, I saw in my blog feed what my friend Linda was doing to with her holiday decorating.

I have to admit I have always wanted to do more with all the medals I earned than hanging them on my scarf rack in the closet. Sure, I haven’t ran any races like I did before. I just can’t afford the fees. But I still run, and wear out running shoes. And I remain very proud of every single medal because I earned them all.

And so I hung them all up on the little tree in our family room.

The one that started it all.

The one that fractured my hip.

And the first time after the hip stress fracture.

Another run with Mickey and Friends, which earned not one but two medals.

It felt so good to wear TWO medals after that race!

Soon enough, I was rocking another half marathon.

Then I PR’d…I give some credit to Linda for cheering me on.

And finally, my birthday gift from my son in law where my blinding, white legs really weren’t an issue because they were covered in mud…as was every other part of me.

And here it is, the holiday running tree. It’s a tree decorated with so many memories. It might not be the Christmas-iest of trees here under the Big Top, but it has just as much heart, soul, love, tears and hugs covering it. That is what makes a Christmas tee special here in my circus tent.

This one is done and it sparkles and glows. Tomorrow the rest of my circus will join me in covering the other ones with even more memories and love and heart and soul and hugs.

But first, I will need to run.

today’s lesson

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From the neighbors across the street…yeah, the neighbors who happen to be my daughter, her darling husband and their small children:

And now a public service announcement from your local cat owner:
If you see a cat who is well groomed and a healthy weight hanging outside often, chances are, he is a loved family pet who is allowed to play outdoors Don’t just assume you can put a cheetah print collar on him and make him yours.
And when you see him with a more gender appropriate collar and name tag later on, beating down our door and rudely demanding your collar back doesn’t have you coming across as a very friendly neighbor.

…The more you know….

Or, in the words of one of Hollie’s friends, “What the actual real life fuck?!“

yes, that happened today in our neck of the woods.

You know, I could see an animal-loving person feeding the random cat that wanders around the neighborhood. I can. But looking at Hazel’s and Fallon’s pet, Bagheera, here it is clear that he is a well cared for cat. He is very much loved too. So you are still going to claim him for yourself? Perhaps if you got to know your new neighbors you might discover that this beautiful cat belongs to two small children. Okay, maybe you honestly had no idea and assumed he was a stray or abandoned.

Fine.

And you want your cheetah print collar back…you know for the next cat you happen to claim.

I guess I could see that too…if I liked cheetah print on EVERYTHING.

So you march yourself over to the new neighbors house, introduce yourself. Tell them how you have been getting to know Bagheera and what a delightful, silly, friendly kitty he is and, oops, you thought that he was a stray so you bought him an adorable collar and have been feeding him. You could apologize for the misunderstanding and then politely ask to have the cheetah print collar back.

You could…

if you were a polite, civilized human being.

Hopefully, today, dear neighbor, you have learned a lesson.

surrounded by goodness

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Okay, enough ranting and raging over poisonous dysfunction!

I bet y’all are heaving a big sigh of relief.

I came home to see this bit of goodness and love here under the Big Top.

And this too.

Awww!!!

My daughter, Jodie has a sweet tooth and a crazy hunger after hours of dance practice every day that can sometimes only be satisfied with a little bit of late night baking and gnoshing of the results of said baking. But knowing that the two favorite men in her life have the same kind of crazy hunger and a sweet tooth (even if they didn’t have hours of dance practice) and are fast asleep during her late night baking sessions, she always saves a little bit of sweet, chocolate love for them.Yes, she sets aside some for me too.

Isn’t that just so sweet?

It is.

I am so lucky to be living with such sweet love. But she isn’t the the only one. There’s Daniel with his sweet, warm smiles and hugs that he greets me with every single morning. I wish that I could bottle up that and share it with the world because it is indeed something that this messed up planet could use…along with a few of Jodie’s chocolate chip cookies.

Abby always has tales of adventure with her friends to share and lately she is starting to share a little bit more. I love how the angst, anger and suspicion that comes with being a teen fades slowly away to reveal the awesome human being that is your child. I learned with my first born (the hard way of course) to just be patient and wait for the brittle, protective shell of adolescent to break away and fall off of your child, now a wonderful, young adult. It’s happening again…slowly…but surely.

While I couldn’t be prouder of Zoë and the dreams and adventures she is pursuing down in LA, I miss her. It’s true, I miss her a lot. I miss seeing my Zoë every day so much that it hurts. Don’t cry, Zoë. But I am so grateful for the fact that while she is off making her own life and adventures, she is always connected to us here back under the Big Top. Hurray for internets and Skype and Amtrak!

Then there is Hollie. I learned so much from Hollie and together we have come through the adventures and experimentation that is learning how to be a parent and raise that first child without a how-to guide that they should have come with. What an extraordinary woman she has become…because of or in spite of me…you decide. Thanks to her, I get to enjoy the love of three more: Hazel, Ben and Fallon.

And of course there is Bill, my darling husband, Bill. The man who, through the years, has made me see so much goodness and worth in me and the man who figured out and showed me how to block the crazy that was blowing up my phone and breaking me down.

I am surrounded by so much love, so much patience, so much kindness and so much goodness here under the Big Top.

Lucky?

Yes.

Yes I am.