80 days later…

Two weeks ago, Bill was working it up on a treadmill literally wired all up for sound.

Wired all up for ultrasound that is…a stress echocardiogram along with a 48 hour monitor and cardiac labs all to determine if he was healthy enough to return to work and play and basically normal life…or at least a new normal life not smoking, taking multiple cardiac and cholesterol medications twice daily, exercising more and eating better.

And the verdict is labs are still a bit off but his heart is strong enough to return to work and ease slowly back into his Krav Maga workouts. Oh, and the cardiologist commends the wife, that’s me, because the diet changes are working. The diet changes that basically I have done all along but someone might not have been eating…AHEM!

And so 80 days later, after the STEMI, the 100% right coronary artery blockage that could have been, should have been fatal according to Bill’s cardiologist, my darling husband has been here the last three days.

Believe me, he is smiling on the inside. He’s back to work. He’s at a job site on a project that he was hoping to be working on because, like the Levi’s Stadium project that he was a part of, this is kind of cool.

At our dinner celebration last night, he shared with me just how awesome this is because back to work…and alive…and celebrating another year together…

The conversation went on as he reflected on a coworker, age 46, who died from the same type of heart attack the same week Bill had his…and an old friend the same age who also passed recently…and a younger, former colleague…and the father of someone we’ve known for the past 10 years who was not that much older than we are. I’ll confess the last one shocked me because I did not know what he died from, just that, sadly, he died very unexpectedly. But Bill is friends with our friend on Facebook so he was privy to the details. The loss of all of them was sobering, very sobering. Sitting beside my darling husband right now I can not imagine the pain and grief their families must be feeling even though we came so close…much too close 80 days ago.

Bill agrees.

So much has happened the last 80 days or so. We can’t help but think about life, fate, luck, grace and how close we came to not being here now more than 80 days later.

And what happened to these two kids from 1982 because if you look past the damaged heart and grey hair and no hair and creakier limbs and worry lines and laugh lines, they are still there…somewhere.

Thankful.

So very thankful.

Heart Attack Warning Signs

Chest Discomfort- Most heart attacks involve discomfort in the center of the chest that lasts more than a few minutes, or that goes away and comes back. It can feel like uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain

Discomfort in other areas of the Upper Body- Symptoms can include pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.

Shortness of breath with or without chest discomfort.

Other signs may include breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness.

IF THESE SIGNS ARE PRESENT CALL 911!!!

Learn CPR!!!

Your actions can help save a life…perhaps the life you love most.

kids, here are 10 things I may or may not have told you

You made me cry…a lot

Hollie and me – 1987. No apologies for the hair and glasses because 1987.

I wanted that last piece of pie…cake…cookie

Hollie, Zoë and me, 1992. Yes, those are matching Christmas sweaters. A gift. Funny how my darling husband didn’t receive one.

It hurt.

Hollie, Zoë, Abby and me, 1994. One child might never forgive me for this picture.

I was always afraid…still am…don’t judge, especially if you are not my child.

Hollie, Zoë, Abby, Jodie and us, 1996. Apparently we didn’t realize just how busy we were then as people told us ALL THE TIME that “we must be busy.

I know that I am not perfect.

And the Family Circus is completed, 2002. Also the year where any doubts of me being a perfect Mother were solidly squashed. Have a teenager and you will understand.

I watched you as you slept…still do.

Hollie, 1990

I carried you a lot longer than nine months.

Zoë, 1998

It broke my heart every time you cried.

Abby, 1997

I put you first.

Jodie, 1999

I would do it all over again…times five…to the infinity power.

Daniel, 2008

Kids, I can’t begin to express my gratitude that I get to be your Mother, Mommy, Mom, times five…to infinity and beyond.

I thank you all for calling me Mama, Mommy, Mom, Mommy Dearest, OMG-Mom, Mother; and, thank you , for needing me, teaching me, forgiving me, loving me, accepting me, modeling me and, most of all, amazing me because I get to say that I am Mom to these five remarkable people.

BONUS!! I have to say that I must be a pretty okay mom because these two perfectly, exquisite children  call me Mima…and give the best hugs.

 

no apologies for the cuteness

With holidays comes adorable Easter dresses.

Bonus if they are dressed alike because what can be more adorable…

…especially when the darlings are at an age where they can’t really complain and protest. Actually at this age they LOVE it! So seize it while you can.

It’s a very narrow window of time when you can truly get away with such cuteness…

…and enjoy the total cooperation; because it’s fun that we are all dressed the same!

Remember that when the day comes (and it WILL come) when the kids look at these memories and then back at you wondering out loud, “What the hell were you thinking, Mom?!

Then you smile back at them because you have no apologies for such cuteness and you are absolutely certain that someday they will do it to their children too.

Scroll back to the top if you don’t believe me.

overdoing

The Big Top Spring Break plans had to be shelved…for obvious reasons…womp, womp. Bill is still waiting on his cardiologist to sign off on his disability insurance and, well, the savings for Spring Break Week in Monterey had to be redirected because clowns need to be fed and bills need to be paid.

Perhaps next year!

But, we are excellent punters…any family with more than 1-2 children is because it is part of basic family survival.

My darling husband is recuperating well but he is growing more restless and bored as each day goes by. His son in law comes over to mow the lawn. The wife is taking out the trash, along with everything else she juggles. He can’t vacuum. He can’t haul the laundry up and down the stairs or the groceries out of the mom car. He can’t walk the dog…no matter how much Betty begs. So he walks in the morning and the afternoon and the evening. And he putters around the Big Top feeling incredibly restless and bored.

A beach vacation would have been perfect right about now….yes.

Maybe a day in San Francisco is what we all need. Nothing ambitious…no big shopping trips or crossing bridges. Perhaps a day visiting a dear, old friend and lunch and some walks around a very small part of The City.

The most delicious, cup of Swiss chocolate made perfect while enjoying the company of a dear, old friend who made it for us.

Strolling through the Yerba Buena Gardens, enjoying the water falls…

and perhaps reflecting a little on the fail that is your Mima and Papa not having any spare change to toss into the fountain so that you can make a wish. Absolute fail!

A fail soon forgotten as you try to shake Shaking Man‘s hand(s).

Oh Art!

Onward to the Zeum Carousel…renamed recently the Leroy King Carousel

Whatever the name, it is a good place to ride a dragon

or a beautiful, white horse.

Absolute fun!

Lunch followed up with a short walkabout around Union Square complete with an encounter with a Buddhist monk offering prayer beads for Hazel and me along with a blessing…for 20 bucks.

Yeah.

Hazel and I accepted the beads and the blessings giving 4 bucks because that was all that we had. The beads are cute though.

A good day…a great day…a day where perhaps Bill might have overdid it.

Looking at her, exhausted, he agrees that yes, he overdid it. But he smiles when he states this.

Tomorrow he rests,

I promise.

He promises too.

slowing so the magic can happen

I could lie and tell you all that it’s been a stellar week in wife-dom and mommy-hood but some of you know me too well. I did shoot for excellence but the darling husband and some of those kids just got in the way , as they always do.

Adjusting continues with the resting and rehabilitation for Bill. And he pushes perhaps too hard. Naturally just when I start to nag or cry or fret or worry it is clear that his body is already nagging at him almost as good as I would. Still, I nag anyway because we both wouldn’t expect anything less from me and besides, he is pale and looking like he has done too much and OMG…why is he not following doctor’s orders??!!

Oh, he has no idea how much I am restraining myself…until one of my darling clowns does what apparently at that moment is the unthinkable. I mean, who is going to take your special-middle-aged-lady-face-cleanser from your shower without asking and then not even bother to return it?

Right?!

There is talk that I might have gone a little bit over the top handling this incident…after my darling husband told me he took the dog for a walk jog around the block…against doctor’s orders…but it was no big deal…except that it was clearly as I look at him. Yes, I might have transferred a little bit of that anxiety and stress on one of my clowns.

I offer no apology.

I blame the kid and the husband.

After we all took a deep cleansing breath, they did too.

Yes, we all are still adjusting.

It’s a good thing my darling husband made an appointment today for me to be pampered at our darling 1st daughter’s salon before the STEMI. I am guaranteed always anything hair related from Hollie gratis because I gave her life and all that but I know time in her chair, at her salon, is money that she works very hard for. Her time is limited and her client list is growing and growing to the point that people wait to sit in her chair. How, then I rationalize, can I sit in her chair taking time from paying clients? So I have her work her magic in her kitchen or mine while trying to juggle her busy, busy babies. Except Hollie and the darling husband decided that I can and I should so the appointment was made…and the appointment I kept.

I could get used to this.

We spent a few hours together. Her busily making me ginger-er (with a lot of purple) and trimming the latest pixie grow…which I have to say is the best of all my pixie grows ever thanks to Hollie’s talent and skills.

And we laughed.

We talked about the crazy tech-phobe moms in our school district and on Facebook.

And music.

And the young Justin Bieber hair stage of a pixie grow.

And Britney Spears’ weaves.

And Hunter Moore and the last time we talked about him and what a douche he was and hurray for karma!

And new adventures.

And her amazing babies.

And getting older and how she better never, ever talk to me like I’m two when I am super old even if my mind is addled because I’ll still know because back in the day in  nursing school, believe me, those beautiful old people knew their adult children were doing that to them.

I feel very strongly about that last discussion and made it very clear to her…,and perhaps someone in the chair next to me.

Oh, and I marveled to myself, what an amazing human this person who is a part of me is…the first human who is a living part of me!

And she makes me pretty and ginger-ed.

I leave her salon feeling lovely with my sexy, sexed-up hair that is even more almost a bob and I feel overwhelming love and pride for this adult baby girl of mine. I’d go back into her salon and hug her while gushing with pride and love and tears in front of co-workers and the client in her chair but that would be awkward and not right…not right at all.

She might never, ever let me sit in her chair again.

No, I’ll just enjoyed my sexed up hair, which the darling husband likes and random vet tech noticed and complimented when I dropped Zelda-kitty off for her appointment after…and I will give thanks for slowing down today so I can sit in my daughter’s chair for a few hours today and let the magic happen. Then I will smile because I know that magic happens because I’m her mommy.