wearing my words

Does a grown-assed woman really need daily affirmations?

Well, yeah.

Recent conversation with a family member reminded me of that especially when he insisted on calling me by the nickname that was, of course, a family term of endearment. Every time he called me c___ w____, I was reminded how the playground taunt brought home and shared at the dinner table became the family pet name for me because it’s love, Laura, nothing but love…except it wasn’t. At least for me it wasn’t. It hurt. It hurt a lot then…and (surprisingly because I am so far removed from that toxic swill most days) now. What can I say? I was emo when emo wasn’t cool which was probably why that endearment stuck and still tries to stick 45 years later.

Perhaps it isn’t so cool anymore for me to be emo…a middle aged woman like me.

Does a grown-assed woman, like me, really need to be reminded almost every day of her own personal truths?

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Sure!

My words, my personal truths look pretty amazing here on my wrist.

They’re shiny too.

 

 

the misses independent

In spite of the mundane and drudge that is cleaning and organizing The Big Top, it can be fun when I happen upon little treasures like this.

Oh these two youngest daughters in my life!

I probably should thank Jodie for leaving these in the most random of places that I might find a few days after she headed back to school except I know that she gave these photos to Fallon after they took them New Year’s Day. I’ll thank Fallon for leaving them behind to make me smile while I was dusting and vacuuming when I return them to her.

Both of these young ladies are something else. So fiercely independent they are. Then again, so are all the daughters and grand daughters in my life. I’ve always admired the I do what I want quality in all of my girls. I do what I want within reason and parental guidance until they grow up, of course.

I won’t lie though; that same Miss Independent quality my girls possess can be exhausting, frustrating, sometimes a little bit hurtful when they are doing what they want that I don’t want. It’s okay though. It’s part of the process of becoming truly independent. Part of my heart wants them to always be here, always need me, always want to be with me but another part of my heart knows that no matter how independent these Misses (and Mrs.) are I will always have their love…and because of their love that is as strong as their independent streaks, I get to vicariously enjoy so many adventures that I could never, ever imagine. Added bonus: when we are together it is so much sweeter.

Of course, because I am human and a little bit selfish, I can still wish for more face time…something I also wish that I could tell the young mother me when all I wanted was alone time…while on the phone…in the shower…in the bathroom…

My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant be your own person, be independent.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

press pause

Practically a week into 2016 and when am I going to take the time to post something, some picture, some thought, some moment of navel gazing…because people are waiting.

Heh.

Sorry.

Life distracts.

Taking time to consider my #oneword for 2016 as I have last year, the year before, and the year before that, I found myself anxious to sit down and share with you the right word for my 2016…again, because you all are waiting (in my imagination) it struck me that I had the right word for this year because whether you have been waiting and wondering, Big Top life has distracted…or perhaps readjusted the focus. So let me share with you…as soon as I pause this video.

What can I say, I love me a good riff-off.

PAUSE.

Pause is my #oneword2016.

2015 ended up being what I would call a fortuitous year. Actually I did refer to it that way when a friend asked to describe 2015 in one word. There were so many other potential words describing good, bad, anxiety, tears, fears, grief, happiness, joy…and on and on. 2015 wasn’t a stellar year but it certainly did not suck…mostly.Perhaps because (most of the time) I tried to deal as I said I would around this time last year.

Dealing, as I tried to do, I learned sometimes to just pause…take a deep breath…perhaps close my eyes…open my eyes…take another breath if needed…and in that way I would try to deal. There wasn’t always a fix or a solution or an ability to change but there was a moment, a break to realize the positive and where my strength lies.

So 2016, this year I will press pause…as needed…when needed.

Like today while running errands in the rain.

 

light despite all the darkness

Daniel came home last night after school, the orthodontist, the dentist, tutoring and Tae Kwon Do…yeah THAT kind of crazy day…to find all The Big Top Christmas Crazy was up just as he hoped for. Well, almost all of it as he discovered one more of his ornaments not yet hung on the tree.

And when I imagined that there couldn’t possibly be room, he found room..

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. ~ Desmond Tutu

a simple thing

The other day, while driving home, I approached a red light at an intersection. With two cars ahead of me stopped of course I stopped and as I did the light turned green. But none of us moved forward. A scene not unlike this is why.

Literally this. Except the little old lady with the walker walked in front of us as the light turned green for us. Perhaps she might have been lost and confused, or perhaps she regularly walks about in the neighborhood with her walker dressed in a housecoat and slippers every day. Who knows? But we all waited as she very slowly made her way across the wide, six lane street. The drivers of the three cars in front of me, the two beside me and one behind me all seemed to be okay with waiting. What else could we do? We waited. I immediately thought of that “Hello Human Kindness” commercial witnessing all of this. But my thoughts were soon disrupted with the blaring of horns behind me because confused, old lady be damned, they had places to go!

Goodbye Human Kindness!

A police cruiser came into the intersection right around the time the natives began to get restless and impatient and the officer walked the old lady over to his car and helped her to get in. He seemed to know her so perhaps this hasn’t been a first for her. And as he came to her aid, a few of us rolled our windows down and applauded…hopefully more out of goodness and kindness than happiness that this old lady was now out of our way. I’d like to think that because I like to think that there is more kindness out there in the universe.

If only we all shared more of that kindness…every day…everywhere.

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Shall we make a new rule of life…always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary? ~ The Little White Bird, JM Barrie

NaPhoPoMo