working on messy love

Years and years ago, back when The Big Top was scarcely beginning, a friend of mine gossiped confided about what another dear friend had shared about her marriage…that it was work…WORK, she snorted. Love and marriage is not work, at least it should not be…in her humble opinion. Years and years later, the three of us all are still married to the same darling husbands and having been married to the same darling husbands for 33+ years, I would imagine that we all can agree together that there is some work…maybe a lot of work involved in more than 33 years of marriage.

I thought about that a lot a couple of years ago when a certain actor/director/producer accepted a Best Picture Academy Award and acknowledged that his marriage to another actor was the best kind of work, which then cued up all the talk that their marriage was DOOMED! Doomed, I tell you, because he thinks love and marriage is work. Of course two years later it seems that all that talk was correct as the marriage of this Hollywood power couple seems to be over.

Go figure!

Yet, based on my own personal experience, I still sit on the Love and Marriage is Work Team because it is. It’s sometimes easy-peasy, lemon squeeze-y and it is sometimes blood, sweat and tears work because it can be frustrating, exhausting, scary and thrilling all at the same time. Better or worse, it’s messy.

And I was totally going to talk all about that messiness that marriage is when shit happened, as it often does, which made me realize that marital love isn’t the only kind of messy love in my life. Friends…family…so many different individuals that stir up the dust and debris all around us and making a general mess of everything in our lives and relationships….a big, fat mess…a mess that SOMEONE will have to clean up…a mess that is part of our love for each other.

UGH!

I hate messes and chaos and dust and debris and, especially, cleaning up messes and chaos and dust and debris. Always have. Always will. But I do love love and I love those in my life whom I hold dear…my friends, my family, my darling husband. I love them all in spite of all the messiness that is loving them. I hope that they feel the same.

It’s work sometimes, all the messy love in my life.

Worth it though.

Thank goodness I can celebrate that…today and every day.

life distracts

No apologies, just acknowledging that living life day to day sometimes will distract.

Doctors’ appointments and wondering what pediatrician’s office doesn’t have these germ encrusted toys that our kids always want to play with? Sorry, some things micro preemie moms just never let go even when their extremely premature baby is now a teenager.

Road trips…for more doctors’ office visits.

Exhausting they are…completely.

Back to school adventures begin and we pause wondering how in the world can she be in SECOND GRADE??!!

And how can she possibly be hundreds of miles from home starting college which includes a class studying Orange Is The New Black? She better ace that class. I mean it.

Then there’s work…

and laundry…yes, still…

Life distracts from taking the time to sit down and write about life and I offer no apology because life distracts…and because I have several loads of laundry waiting to be folded.

One would imagine that with only 2 of my 5 children remaining here under The Big Top that there would be so much less to juggle. One would be wrong.

Give me a sec to adjust this juggling act.

sisters

Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of. You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there. ~Amy Li

Sisters are there to cheer you on.

To frolic with you.

To be silly with you…

especially at 6:53 AM!

Your sister is there to help you when you can’t button those buttons.

And to bring out your very best features.

Because you have to look good when you are standing next to her.

Seriously.

You can always count on your sister to offer a word of encouragement.

To stand next to you always.

And to get shit done.

No matter where life may take you.

Thank goodness she’s there for you.

Always.

Forever.

because it’s the code

Bro code…girl code…what happens in Vegas code…

So then it would follow that there is a bridesmaids code?

There totally should be.

Mother and half my daughters thought so.

Don’t judge the bitch resting face…bridesmaid code people. I look hot!

Besides, sisters prove thatI I can break out a smile…aren’t they incredibly lovely? They are.

So, you want all the details of our night of bridesmaids-bachelorette debauchery in Seattle?

Well, the pregame view was good.

The street views were even better.

complete with rainbows…

and so many unicorn things!

I could tell you so much more about our night of debauchery in Seattle.

I could but the code you know…I must respect the code.

Trust me, it was a good night of bachelorette debauchery and shenanigans. You manage to drink Unicorn Tears and get the piano bar guy to sing Milkshake you know it is a good night.

Really.

Oh, and when you get the piano bar guys at Keys on Main to give a shout out to the flower girls not there, you know it was all good.

That’s all because it’s the code, the bridesmaid code.

focus on the kind because sometimes you just have to

You know those days where you just want to punch it in the face?

Yes, those days!

Well on those days I like to focus on the kind and the good rather than the exhausting suckage. So today, right now, I will focus on this right here.

Last week, Zoë’s beach cruiser that she has had for more than five years was stolen. For Zoë this sucked. This sucked a lot because the last couple years she has been trying hard to be an adult even when it was hard to be an adult. The easy way would have been to ask mommy and daddy to help her out but she hasn’t. I know it has been hard, very hard for her but I am proud of her for being the grownup especially when it has been hard.

Come back to the Valley, her family and friends told her. You can start over, they told her. So she did and she has…as hard as it has been…but at least she has people here. It’s so much better to adult when you have people because adult is a lot harder than kids can imagine.

But having her bike stolen was a tipping point. It is currently her only form of transportation to work and, in the Fall, school. In her words, it like her independence had been taken away. But with the determination of her enterprising big sister so as to restore Zoë’s faith in human kindness, a few generous, kind people – family, friends, strangers – did just that raising more than enough funds to replace her red beach cruiser with something shiny and pink to get around the 209!

yay new bicycle! 💕
Thank you all so much. I was so incredibly upset when my bike was stolen, but you guys restored my faith in humanity. There are some really shitty people out there, but there are so many more kind and generous people. I love you all!

Hurray for kindness winning!