just the necessities

Add this to the No Matter How Old And Independent Your Children Are…or maybe think they are….They Will Still Need You files.

Abby had surgery today. Not a big deal, really. Except for her it was a big deal because she has never, ever had surgery…or an IV…ever.

Definitely a big deal then.

That’s what mom is for, I assure her. Mom is here to go with her to see the doctor pre-operatively, to help her ask the questions she needs to ask. Mom is there to help her figure out the scheduling so that she can be able to take off time from work and school during the busiest time of the year at work and the start of the semester. Mom, of course, will nag  remind her the night before to make sure all the consents are signed and that she has not and will not eat or drink anything after 8 PM. Actually she tells me that my nagging gentle reminding isn’t necessary at all because the pre-op instructions are literally in large font, bold-faced capital letters which most certainly tells her that she will likely die if she eats or drinks anything after 8 PM the night before.

The nurse in me tries to explain the rationale for nothing by mouth before a surgical procedure with anesthesia; but right now that’s not what she wants.

Fine.

I will be the mom. The mom who takes her to the ambulatory surgery center. The mom who waits until she is taken back into the OR to go get some coffee because how cruel would it be for me to be enjoying coffee when she has not eaten or drank anything since 8 PM last night? Random guy in the waiting room offers that he wouldn’t and couldn’t wait. I smile an think to myself that he is weak. More proof that males are truly, truly the weaker sex.

Waiting with her in recovery, I assure her that she looks just fine…my little girl looking small and pale and maybe a little scared all wrapped up in blankets. She might be a grown, young woman but right now she is my little girl; my little girl who needs me.

We get back to The Big Top where I get her settled and tucked in before I pick up her prescriptions.

What do you need?

My Baby, my cheetah blanket and my iPad.

The necessities, but of course.

Oh, and mom, because mom brings the ice packs and pain pills and antibiotics and all the favorite soft foods including a double order of miso soup from the favorite sushi place.

See?

No matter how grown and independent they are they still will need their mom.

Yeah, my heart is kind of full.

Don’t worry, Abby is just fine now.

I basically can’t live without

You know you did very well in gifting when your child shares with her nearly 10K followers on her business Instagram account  that which you gifted her.

Seriously, this bag is pretty awesome. All the more awesome is her Pinterest board because she really is hard to shop for sometimes. Of course, she gets it from her mama! But this last year I gifted her well. Thank you Pinterest and Hollie pinning all the things.

I just might need a bag like this because, like my darling daughter, and pretty much anyone, there is absolutely a bunch of shit I basically can’t live without.

  1. like my favorite face wash because the oil slick that is my face keeps waiting for the dry, flaky, crepe-y skin that is all part of the joy that is menopause. Sure it might feel like a certain body fluid, as someone I know compared it to, but it works very well for me…and that is all that matters.
  2. Sunscreen! All the sunscreen because ginger girl problems are real.
  3. This lip balm because more sunscreen and because I am always licking my lips so why bother with heavy lip color?
  4. My latest favorite Acoustic Chill playlist on Spotify because the drive to work is too stupid and too real

    Honestly!
  5. My old, well-worn, gray sweater I got from Costco years ago.
  6. Eyeglass cleaner because the glasses I wear every waking moment are always smudged and dirty and I just might be obsessed about cleaning those glasses of mine.
  7. This whiteboard calendar which just might be ridiculous if I were to carry it in a bag.

    Then again, I am not the only one living under The Big Top who basically can not live without it which is why everything and everyone on the calendar is color coded.
  8. My blackout curtains because I am Vampira, the night shift nurse.
  9. Coffee, nectar of all the nurses.
  10. My Amazon Prime account
  11. Dental floss. I blame my dentist for lecturing me about gum disease while deep cleaning for what has become an addiction.
  12. My cameras…Canon 60D and iPhone because I am indeed the Mamarazzi
  13. My favorite pen…don’t ask to borrow it…ever.
  14. My Moleskine notebook
  15. a bottle of Coke Zero, just one, for my lunch break at work
  16. My ASU ball cap to hide the epic bedhead when I take my son to school in the morning. Not that my son’s principal would ever call me out for the bedhead or the pajama pants I might be wearing (if I’m not wearing scrubs) because she isn’t nearly as judge-y as Kate Chisholm and because at least I am wearing a bra. There’s that!
  17. My Caffeine and Kilos ball cap for when I can’t find my ASU cap.
  18. A good bra.
  19. My water bottle. I blame Jodie and my membranes rupturing at 26 weeks while pregnant with her for my ALWAYS carrying a water bottle and ALWAYS drinking all the water.
  20. A Sharpie marker…you never know when you need to mark something permanently.
  21. Altoids, you are very welcome Day Shift!
  22. My Asics
  23. My favorite Scünci hair ties…they are discontinued which would explain why I am hoarding them.
  24. My favorite hair clip because thick hair can be a problem, even thinning, menopausal, thick hair. But hurray for the fact that my hair is long enough 20 months after my latest pixie cut to twist up into an undo with my favorite hair clip…it’s the little things that make me happiest, really.
  25. Scarves…I have no idea how many I have. That might be a problem. But who cares because I basically can’t live without them.

What shit that you basically can’t live without would you stuff that duffel bag with.

showing up

January 2016 is winding down…FINALLY! Am I the only one who felt like this was an endless month? No, it was not a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad month. It was actually an okay kind of month at least here under the Big Top. It just seemed like January was a long as a cold, dark Winter night.

Speaking of Winter…

I can neither confirm nor deny that Jodie was anywhere near the East Coast last weekend. I asked. Believe me.

But yes, January is coming to an end which, it would seem, be the PERFECT time for me to shake up my workout.  I never was a New Year, New You, New Workout or Joining a Gym kind of girl because anxiety girl hates the crowds. Still, struggling with the I’m getting older too season of my life, I am realizing that in order to maintain I need to do so much more than just run and throw some weights around occasionally; because it’s not just cardio vascular and muscular skeletal function that wanes in our middle ages…I realize that literally every single time I am crawling between ventilators, isolettes and parents kangarooing their tiny babies so I can hang IV fluids, administer meds or shut off an alarm, and then trying to get back up again. I won’t talk about the hobbled state of my back, my hips, my knees and my ankles at the end of a 12 hour shift.

So honoring my #oneword2016, I am pausing the running…kind of sort of because if I run, I run, and if I don’t, I don’t...instead I am walking more and as of last week, accepting Jodie’s challenge to get my Yoga on. Last week I discovered Adriene, whose playful humorous yoga practice is exactly what I need as I get back on the mat and accept the reality that is my ebbing flexibility and old lady joints. Five days into her New Year 30 Day Yoga Camp (while everyone else is almost done with it), I am learning to accept, create, embrace, awaken and celebrate that I am alive as I enjoy this one wild and precious life that is mine. There is more to come the next 25 days but the biggest thing I am coming to realize is not how flexible I am or, obviously, am not.

No.

The biggest thing is that I have shown up on that mat.

And that is kind of the biggest thing one can do literally in any relationship in their life whether love, friendship, work, your own self. If it’s important, if it’s valuable, you got to work with it, care for it, but first you got to show up.

Start here.

Show up.

 

I should write

I should write but…

15820284028_3526a8ffab_o

it’s raining and we know how everything literally SHUTS DOWN in California when it is raining.

Still, I should write…

24465595756_59faf7035e_z

but I’m working on trying not to fall down whilst attempting Virabhadrasana II. Actually Warrior II isn’t so bad. It’s my creaky, older, achy joints that are the problem. Something else I can try to blame on the rain.

24493076375_ca88154ae6_z

I have (as always) laundry to fold…WARM, fresh out of the dryer laundry to fold before Zelda curls up on it all spreading the glitter that is cat hair ALL OVER IT because all the freshly laundered clothes are so soft and warm and purr-rect for a kitty like her to curl up in. She thinks so.

24384518982_0a24c89ca1_z

Hollie is distracting me from writing sending me impossibly adorable pictures and videos of little ballerina girls. I should be writing but I can’t. I just can’t even!

5457118115_bc92e9484b_z

Plus it’s raining and my backyard is literally flooded…

I should be writing but…

24466878076_5cd60c38c9_z

the struggle…

It’s real.

where I am the mother of a grownup

The reality of time marching relentlessly forward greets me every day I spend any time with my four adult aged daughters. Then there is the added nudge when one of them or another one or even all of them have to deal with adult things because adulating can b so hard.

Sidebar: when their Daddy and I were just starting the adventure in parenting, my darling husband was not sure that “parent” was a legit verb and he blamed the ridiculousness of it all on all the yuppies.

Meanwhile, Hollie and Ben are busy being adults and parents every day doing all the pretty hard things that is being adults and parents because parenting and adulting can be so hard sometimes…most of the times.

Then there are the times when you are doing things like buying furniture…REAL FURNITURE!!! No, not disposable furniture. You know, the kind that YOU put together with the provided Allen Key…coupled with cheap beer and definitely some cursing.

Hollie and Ben did just that recently, purchasing a new living room set to replace the garage sale set that replaced the hand-me-downs from the parents. Naturally they were excited because they bought furniture that they didn’t have to put together with an Allen Key or that they picked up from a neighborhood yard sale.

It’s like we’re really adults, Mom! We’re adulting!

No, this is grown-upping. Adulting is doing the things that suck but you have to do because you are an adult and that is what adults do…like pay your student loans or get up at 3 AM to deal with a barfy kid. Grown-upping is when you do cool things like make a big purchase and buy for yourself some nice furniture…that you don’t have to put together with an Allen Key…or cover with an afghan to hide the rips and tears and worn spots. 

Yesterday, my darling, first-born daughter turned 29 years old. TWENTY NINE!

She makes 29 look pretty amazing and awesome.

It’s because she does all kinds of grown-up kinds of things.

And me, I’m the mother of a grown up…an amazing, beautiful grown up.

That is kind of cool.