I basically can’t live without

You know you did very well in gifting when your child shares with her nearly 10K followers on her business Instagram account  that which you gifted her.

Seriously, this bag is pretty awesome. All the more awesome is her Pinterest board because she really is hard to shop for sometimes. Of course, she gets it from her mama! But this last year I gifted her well. Thank you Pinterest and Hollie pinning all the things.

I just might need a bag like this because, like my darling daughter, and pretty much anyone, there is absolutely a bunch of shit I basically can’t live without.

  1. like my favorite face wash because the oil slick that is my face keeps waiting for the dry, flaky, crepe-y skin that is all part of the joy that is menopause. Sure it might feel like a certain body fluid, as someone I know compared it to, but it works very well for me…and that is all that matters.
  2. Sunscreen! All the sunscreen because ginger girl problems are real.
  3. This lip balm because more sunscreen and because I am always licking my lips so why bother with heavy lip color?
  4. My latest favorite Acoustic Chill playlist on Spotify because the drive to work is too stupid and too real

    Honestly!
  5. My old, well-worn, gray sweater I got from Costco years ago.
  6. Eyeglass cleaner because the glasses I wear every waking moment are always smudged and dirty and I just might be obsessed about cleaning those glasses of mine.
  7. This whiteboard calendar which just might be ridiculous if I were to carry it in a bag.

    Then again, I am not the only one living under The Big Top who basically can not live without it which is why everything and everyone on the calendar is color coded.
  8. My blackout curtains because I am Vampira, the night shift nurse.
  9. Coffee, nectar of all the nurses.
  10. My Amazon Prime account
  11. Dental floss. I blame my dentist for lecturing me about gum disease while deep cleaning for what has become an addiction.
  12. My cameras…Canon 60D and iPhone because I am indeed the Mamarazzi
  13. My favorite pen…don’t ask to borrow it…ever.
  14. My Moleskine notebook
  15. a bottle of Coke Zero, just one, for my lunch break at work
  16. My ASU ball cap to hide the epic bedhead when I take my son to school in the morning. Not that my son’s principal would ever call me out for the bedhead or the pajama pants I might be wearing (if I’m not wearing scrubs) because she isn’t nearly as judge-y as Kate Chisholm and because at least I am wearing a bra. There’s that!
  17. My Caffeine and Kilos ball cap for when I can’t find my ASU cap.
  18. A good bra.
  19. My water bottle. I blame Jodie and my membranes rupturing at 26 weeks while pregnant with her for my ALWAYS carrying a water bottle and ALWAYS drinking all the water.
  20. A Sharpie marker…you never know when you need to mark something permanently.
  21. Altoids, you are very welcome Day Shift!
  22. My Asics
  23. My favorite Scünci hair ties…they are discontinued which would explain why I am hoarding them.
  24. My favorite hair clip because thick hair can be a problem, even thinning, menopausal, thick hair. But hurray for the fact that my hair is long enough 20 months after my latest pixie cut to twist up into an undo with my favorite hair clip…it’s the little things that make me happiest, really.
  25. Scarves…I have no idea how many I have. That might be a problem. But who cares because I basically can’t live without them.

What shit that you basically can’t live without would you stuff that duffel bag with.

showing up

January 2016 is winding down…FINALLY! Am I the only one who felt like this was an endless month? No, it was not a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad month. It was actually an okay kind of month at least here under the Big Top. It just seemed like January was a long as a cold, dark Winter night.

Speaking of Winter…

I can neither confirm nor deny that Jodie was anywhere near the East Coast last weekend. I asked. Believe me.

But yes, January is coming to an end which, it would seem, be the PERFECT time for me to shake up my workout.  I never was a New Year, New You, New Workout or Joining a Gym kind of girl because anxiety girl hates the crowds. Still, struggling with the I’m getting older too season of my life, I am realizing that in order to maintain I need to do so much more than just run and throw some weights around occasionally; because it’s not just cardio vascular and muscular skeletal function that wanes in our middle ages…I realize that literally every single time I am crawling between ventilators, isolettes and parents kangarooing their tiny babies so I can hang IV fluids, administer meds or shut off an alarm, and then trying to get back up again. I won’t talk about the hobbled state of my back, my hips, my knees and my ankles at the end of a 12 hour shift.

So honoring my #oneword2016, I am pausing the running…kind of sort of because if I run, I run, and if I don’t, I don’t...instead I am walking more and as of last week, accepting Jodie’s challenge to get my Yoga on. Last week I discovered Adriene, whose playful humorous yoga practice is exactly what I need as I get back on the mat and accept the reality that is my ebbing flexibility and old lady joints. Five days into her New Year 30 Day Yoga Camp (while everyone else is almost done with it), I am learning to accept, create, embrace, awaken and celebrate that I am alive as I enjoy this one wild and precious life that is mine. There is more to come the next 25 days but the biggest thing I am coming to realize is not how flexible I am or, obviously, am not.

No.

The biggest thing is that I have shown up on that mat.

And that is kind of the biggest thing one can do literally in any relationship in their life whether love, friendship, work, your own self. If it’s important, if it’s valuable, you got to work with it, care for it, but first you got to show up.

Start here.

Show up.

 

because it just isn’t December without the head-exploding stress

Right??!!

Holidays, December just isn’t holidays and December without some the kind of stress that might make your head explode…or at last feel the need to pause and let out a loud, long primal scream…you just can’t believe how healing that can be sometimes…as long as you are not primally screaming in front of the kids…don’t,..just don’t. But yeah, it just isn’t December under The Big Top without some sort of stress that might either kill me or make me stronger or perhaps cause me to retreat into the back of my closet and sob just a little bit.

Yay, December!

But sure, December has been good, mostly. A few minor headaches and WTFs scattered here and there over the last 14 days but, it’s been okay.

Thanks December!

Then last night while driving home from Safeway, just FIVE MILES FROM HOME it happened. Smoke…so much smoke. Smoke billowing everywhere out of the mom-car.

Okay, December.

But, it could have been worse?

How?!

That could have happened this morning while Daniel and I were driving down to Valley Children’s for his quarterly endocrinology visit. Now THAT would have been worse.

I told myself that all day long…especially after my darling husband texted me that it was going to be minimum $500-600 fix…MINIMUM.

And December is back as it should be!

But it could be worse I mutter to myself over and over and over again.

It could be. It has been. It usually is every December. At least it feels that way.

But this, this is pretty good.

Daniel has literally grown so much in the last five months that he is for the first time EVER plotting on the normal growth chart!

PEOPLE HE IS ON THE CHARTS!!!

FINALLY!!!

Okay, fine, he is plotting on 1%ile of the growth curve of boys his age. But he is on the curve and out of 100 13 3/4 year old boys, he is taller than one of them…and I saw that kid at my son’s school awards assembly last month…literally. No, really, there is literally a 7th grade boy in his class who is shorter than Daniel…barely.

Yes, my car is broke down but my son is finally growing in a very good way and I am so unbelievably, ridiculously happy.

Thankfully, December and son’s endocrinologist tempers that glee because glee like that needs to be tempered because it is December.

Dr. K. informs us that as of January 31st, she is leaving the endocrine practice at Valley Children’s in Madera. We can stay and have Daniel start all over again with a new endocrinologist or we can follow Dr. K.

So we will no longer enjoy our two hour drive down to Madera 3-4 times a year with at least one guaranteed overnight stay?

Absolutely correct.

We will now be driving 2 1/2 hours 3-4 times a year with at least one guaranteed overnight stay to Fresno as she joins the UCSF Pediatric Endocrinology faculty and practice out of Community Regional Medical Center.

It’s likely going to be time to consider the need for a new mom car soon.

Yay! December!

Things could be worse. Things could be so much worse as so many past Decembers have proven. Standing in the lobby of Valley Children’s looking up at this great tree, as Daniel and I have done literally every December for the last five Decembers, I tell myself that I can really let myself get carried away with the stress of paying the $$$ to the mom car in December along with other December stuff and following Dr. K.’s practice after years of good and familiarity at Valley Children’s.

I could.

I really could.

Everyone else does on those days with some good and some bad and it is perfectly acceptable…especially when it is December.

But no. Today I am going to focus on this good, this incredible good that has never, ever been a reality for my son here under The Big Top. Today I will focus on the wonderful awesome that my son plots on the normal growth curve for boys.

ONE PERCENTILE FOR THE WIN, BITCHES!!!

 

giving thanks

There’s much to be thankful for on this day of Thanksgiving in the US. Last year a moment like this would not have been imagined because, yes, his health was THAT bad. He couldn’t/wouldn’t see it but everyone else saw it…and often would take me aside to express their concern.

So I should give thanks for this moment.

I do.

Truly.

And I also give thanks for what happened ten months ago too because he was so damn lucky and finally could see what everyone could see and worried about.

That expression of gratitude likely makes me a horrible person in the eyes of some. That’s probably why I am so good at Cards Against Humanity.

Oh, and I give thanks for the fun we had as a family playing that last night.

Happy Thanksgiving y’all.

Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flabby another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light. ~ Albert Einstein

NaPhoPoMo

pink for Traci

When I started this adventure 11 years ago, one of the things that shocked me was that there were people who were actually interested in what basically has been my own navel gazing. Successful, popular, noted writer-type people who would share links of some of more memorable moments in this juggling act that I shared. For better, or for worse, they encouraged this. I for one am grateful for the encouragement.

One such person, Traci Arbios, has been an encourager, mentor and friend for years now. Right now Traci is in a fight…a mighty big fight. Earlier this week she suffered a life-threatening cardiac event. For those who know her, this came as a shock as she is a healthy, active 45 year old woman. Paramedics managed to restart her heart and she was then airlifted from the Fresno area to UCSF where she remains on life support quite possibly needing a heart transplant.

This witty, brilliant wife, mother of seven, friend and mentor to many faces a long, tough path to recovery. A gofundme account has been created with an amazing response which is wonderful because she and her family are going to need all the help that they can get.

In the meantime, to help grow the support for Traci, and create an online presence of support while her family is rallied around her, please consider sharing via social media a photo of yourself proudly wearing pink in some way (a favorite color of hers, which she once dyed her hair), with the hashtag #gopinkfortraci. Together, we can help Traci and her family feel our love and support during this incredibly difficult time.

I love you Traci!

NaPhoPoMo