I should write

I should write but…

15820284028_3526a8ffab_o

it’s raining and we know how everything literally SHUTS DOWN in California when it is raining.

Still, I should write…

24465595756_59faf7035e_z

but I’m working on trying not to fall down whilst attempting Virabhadrasana II. Actually Warrior II isn’t so bad. It’s my creaky, older, achy joints that are the problem. Something else I can try to blame on the rain.

24493076375_ca88154ae6_z

I have (as always) laundry to fold…WARM, fresh out of the dryer laundry to fold before Zelda curls up on it all spreading the glitter that is cat hair ALL OVER IT because all the freshly laundered clothes are so soft and warm and purr-rect for a kitty like her to curl up in. She thinks so.

24384518982_0a24c89ca1_z

Hollie is distracting me from writing sending me impossibly adorable pictures and videos of little ballerina girls. I should be writing but I can’t. I just can’t even!

5457118115_bc92e9484b_z

Plus it’s raining and my backyard is literally flooded…

I should be writing but…

24466878076_5cd60c38c9_z

the struggle…

It’s real.

the misses independent

In spite of the mundane and drudge that is cleaning and organizing The Big Top, it can be fun when I happen upon little treasures like this.

Oh these two youngest daughters in my life!

I probably should thank Jodie for leaving these in the most random of places that I might find a few days after she headed back to school except I know that she gave these photos to Fallon after they took them New Year’s Day. I’ll thank Fallon for leaving them behind to make me smile while I was dusting and vacuuming when I return them to her.

Both of these young ladies are something else. So fiercely independent they are. Then again, so are all the daughters and grand daughters in my life. I’ve always admired the I do what I want quality in all of my girls. I do what I want within reason and parental guidance until they grow up, of course.

I won’t lie though; that same Miss Independent quality my girls possess can be exhausting, frustrating, sometimes a little bit hurtful when they are doing what they want that I don’t want. It’s okay though. It’s part of the process of becoming truly independent. Part of my heart wants them to always be here, always need me, always want to be with me but another part of my heart knows that no matter how independent these Misses (and Mrs.) are I will always have their love…and because of their love that is as strong as their independent streaks, I get to vicariously enjoy so many adventures that I could never, ever imagine. Added bonus: when we are together it is so much sweeter.

Of course, because I am human and a little bit selfish, I can still wish for more face time…something I also wish that I could tell the young mother me when all I wanted was alone time…while on the phone…in the shower…in the bathroom…

My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant be your own person, be independent.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

things left behind

Somewhere in the middle of the Mohave Desert along US Highway 95, you might find a 2012 Ford Focus driver’s side windshield wiper.

No, I did not stop to retrieve it. If you see it, you are more than welcome to it…if it is usable.

It’s not the only thing Daniel and I left behind as we headed back to The Big Top.

It never is easy to leave a piece of your heart hundreds of miles away from home.

Ever.

Meanwhile back to home, back to juggling.

It has been that kind of day getting back to reality complete with laundry (too much laundry), a dirty dog, and a Big Top just waiting for the maid me to clean.

I might need a couple more of those, son.

dreaming dreams

I dream a dream

I dream a dream where my desk will forever always be as uncluttered as I wish my mind would be.

Because this literally took me all day to do. Of course given the fact that my mind is such a cluttered mess, it is likely that it took all day to clean and organize this entire workspace because my mind is such a distracted cluttered mess.

Ugh!

I dream a dream where I would not find myself so excited over my latest purchase.

Best $4 I have ever spent ever because menopause is stupid and the fact that hot flashes can literally go on and on for years…YEARS post menopause is just stupid and dumb and quite possibly causes me to question my belief that it is great to be a girl.

I dream a dream where one can sit in a waiting room, a coffee shop, at a bus stop, in an airport, in a restaurant and not be forced to enjoy the music, video, game, podcast, whatever loud noises coming from an individual’s smart phone, tablet or laptop because, believe it or not, we really aren’t as into that new music video on YouTube or movie or book on tape game or whatever else you or your precious snowflake might be enjoying while sitting next to us in a waiting room, coffee shop, bus stop, airport, restaurant or any public place where we are sharing the same oxygen.

Really.

Truly.

I dream a dream where ear buds and headphones are available for all god’s children…especially you and your precious snowflake.

And then I dream some more…

weekends are for resetting

Yesterday was my Saturday and today is my Sunday. Next week my Saturday and my Sunday will likely be days other than Sunday and Monday; but who knows? Such is the life of a nurse, a night shift nurse, Vampire the Night Shift Nurse.

But yeah.

This week, today is my Sunday and yesterday was my Saturday which means that right now I am busy. I am busy resetting my body clock while I catch up on sleep, oh so precious sleep and laundry because there is much laundry to be done right now.

Oh, and sleep, because nightshift nurse problems and cat lady life.