possibly the end

Years ago during what was maybe an El Pequeño Niño, I gave birth on a windy, rainy, blustery evening. Having as many kids as I do the odds had to be in my favor at least once that this would happen. And because it was the days of drive-thru deliveries, baby Abigael and I found ourselves coming home scarcely 24 hours after we met face to face for the first time…on another dark and stormy night. My darling husband easily stepped over the giant 3 foot puddle that he parked my new minivan in front of to get our new baby safely buckled in for her first ride. Naturally, I stepped right into the middle of that puddle of cold, brackish rainwater with my fuzzy socks and Birkenstocks because I had just pushed a 7 pound baby out of my vagina just 24 hours before and I was still bruised and swollen enough to not be as flexible as my darling husband imagined that I must be because

weren’t you doing all kinds of crazy downward doggie-warrior kind of yoga-y stretches right before we went to the hospital yesterday morning?

Because I was in labor, BACK LABOR and I might have hurt you were it not for that distraction!

Oh. So I guess puddle jumping is hard for you right now.

Just a little.

Maybe rain boots would have been better than Birkenstocks then.


Somedays he’s lucky that I love him so. That day was one of those days.

Looks like we are having a proper winter finally here in our neck of the woods. Yes, Jonas had his way with the Eastern part of the United States which many have yet to dig out from. I’ve seen all the Facebook posts. Hang in there y’all. I grew up in Western Pennsylvania and I promise you that I had experienced more than my fair share of epic snow storms of the century to dig out from whether or not the snow ploughs came by to clear the main road and block our street and driveway…and of course school was not cancelled because as long as the school superintendent can get out of his driveway it’s all good. Still I am thankful for winds and the rains and the snow piling up in the Sierra because we need all the precipitation, all of it.

So while the rains came down, down, down in and all over Northern Cali this past week I set about to be prepared because El Niño finally is here!

This just might bring on the end of El Niño.

God I hope not because I want nothing more than to jump in some puddles while wearing these sweet boots.

Peeking ahead at the extended forecast I just might get my wish.

love and loved in return

Happy birthday favorite son, the fourteenth edition!

Another year to celebrate. Another year to reflect on the miracle that he is and not just because he started life so precariously. The miracle is every day he manages to touch so many with kindness, respect and love in a way that is truly an art…an art lost to so many of us…an art he teaches all who are lucky enough to know him…The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return – eden ahbez

Sad over the news of the passing of “the Father of all of us freaks”, but so thankful for his cover of eden ahbez’s Nature Boy…and for all the rest of the magical stardust that he shared with us all.



terror today

Today it happened again.


The 352nd mass shooting in the US this year. The situation at this time remains fluid with no real answers but most definitely a lot of speculation.

There are so many feelings about this here under The Big Top because our family has benefitted from two Regional Centers here in California just like the Inland Regional Center.  During Daniel’s first three years we were thankful for the services our family received by amazing, talented, loving teachers and therapists who gave their very best to help our child realize his very best potential. The people at these regional centers, like Inland ,care for the most innocent and vulnerable population of children and adults. Their clients and they did not deserve this. At dinner tonight, Bill and I talked about this recalling some of Daniel’s caregivers and the times we would spend at these facilities…so much time. It chills us to imagine today’s horror. No one at Inland deserved this. Not at all.

Then again no one who might go to school or to work or to church or to a shopping mall or to a movie theater or board a plane or just go about their daily lives deserves this. No not ever…anywhere.

News agencies all over speculate if this is an act of terrorism. Law enforcement agencies answer back that they do not know yet if this is an act of terrorism…foreign or domestic.

This is the 352nd mass shooting in the US on the 336th day of this year. We live in a country where we keep a list of people who are presumed to be so evil, so violent and volatile and untrustworthy that they cannot fly on an airplane. Even after going through a metal detector and a body scan and probably being patted down, we won’t even let them board an airplane, and yet, we let those same people buy guns. They can’t fly, unarmed, on an airplane, but they can walk into an elementary school with a gun they obtained legally. We live in a country where people who go to school, to work, to church, to a mall, to a movie theater and now to a center that serves developmentally disabled children, adults and their families are gunned down. This is a real thing. This the reality that we live in…that my children live in, that my grandchildren live in.

Officials aren’t certain yet if this is a terrorist incident?

If we live in a place where people can legitimately fear that they will be shot…like today when three people dressed in tactical gear bearing weapons walked into the Inland Regional Center…it is absolutely a terrorist incident. Victims were absolutely, positively subjected to acts of violence and threats to intimidate, coerce and exact bodily harm or death. In time, investigations might bring today’s tragedy into better focus but regardless who or why today was an act of terrorism. Make no mistake about that.

we choose

With the photo I chose today I wanted to sing the joys that is a back-lit keyboard because it is literally a joy to see the keys so easily.


I might be late to the party, but people, this literally changed my life and as I have become acquainted with my new laptop over the last six months or so I began to wonder why couldn’t this be possible in my workplace because nightshift nurse problems charting in the dark with a black keyboard. I even brought it up at the last staff meeting when we discussed ways to improve the workplace because it seemed like a great idea…to me…the girl with low vision who is trying to see the keys on her black keyboard in the dark while she is charting…nightshift nurse problems for sure. Some agreed…and some did not…as we do because we do…disagree sometimes. We have our preferences and we do choose…because we can.

This last weekend was a tough one globally.  Many of us reacted in very human ways being human and all because there were 129 dead in Paris, 43 dead in Beirut, 18 dead in Bagdad. There was also a 7.0 earthquake in Japan that triggered a tsunami near Kyushu as well as a 4.3 earthquake in Baja California. Also one can not forget the 147 dead in Kenya…that happened more than 7 months ago. More globally aware people on social media sniffed as they would remind anyone and everyone who dared to change profile pictures with the French flag filter or the Eiffel tower drawing by Jean Julien of these things…these things that are so much more important. The trouble with such presumptions and assumptions of our global myopia is that you are wrong…really…and you make an ass out of you in front of me.

Have to say that has always been my favorite rhyme for remembering commonly misspelled words because it is so true…truly.

“Yes, so much bad happened this weekend…as it does, sadly, almost every day.

But we can choose that which we will focus on.

In that same time period more than 362,000 babies were born.

6,200 couples got married in the United States alone.

Some people met the love of their lives. Some got engaged. There were first dates, first steps, first words. There was laughter and friendship and love. There was moments of joy both big and small.

And here we are. We can choose what we put into the world. Choose love. Choose kindness. Choose joy.

It’s a new week; make it a good one.”

Me, I will choose to keep the French flag overlay on my social media profile because I choose that for now. Tomorrow I will most likely change it to honor World Prematurity Day because that is something VERY important to me too.

And I will choose to lobby for backlit keyboards in the workplace because being able to actually see the keys on the keyboard while charting on my patients in the dark is indeed a nightshift nurse problem.

Thank you, Megan Gordon for such inspiring words that said pretty much what I was feeling.