Category Archives: NICU

those hormones I warned y’all about

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Oh dear glob they are bubbling up…and they ain’t no female, pms-y kind of hormones either!

My sweet boy, my beautiful son is 11 years old and the hormones are starting to bubble up. No, they aren’t a raging, rolling boil…yet. But they are just at the boiling point and…

I’m not liking it.

Not.

One.

Bit.

I have survived four girls through the transition of child to stinky pre-teen to raging adolescence. This can not possibly be hard for me anymore.

No way!

I’ve got this.

Totally.

I believed that.

I truly did.

I thought wrong.

Oh my goodness! My sweet little boy suddenly is one big gloomy, grumpy, irritated, annoyed person and he is directing that flood of emotions at me…complete with heavy sighs and eye rolls.

WHAT?!?

What indeed, son. We both are wondering what right now. Although I have to confess that my “what” is actually a three word “what“.

Then this comes on.

Oh my darling boy! Not a day goes by where I am not reminded just how fortunate, how so damn lucky we are…

you are.

Yesterday was one of those days. My heart breaks for another family, another amazing, brave and strong one like you. So I close my eyes and cry hot tears while I offer up a quick thanks for you…and say a prayer for the other. Then I say thank you for these hormones that are just beginning to bubble up to a boil because I get to experience them…again…with you.

it’s all fun and games until someone farts and throws up

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Oh photo shoots with families…large families! They can always be fun.

Right?

I try to imagine that. I mean if I close my eyes real tight and think on it real hard it will be so.

Right?

Yeah, but no.

But they can be fun.

They can definitely be fun when your friend is taking the pictures…and what is this with the shot of my ass? My friend has a wicked sense of humor.

We agreed to help my friend, Marie, out with a special project she is doing for the March of Dimes WalkAmerica and NICU Reunion featuring NICU graduates. Actually I agreed. You know how it is. Mom says so and so it is. But this project of Marie’s is a good thing and we manage to get some pictures of most of the family circus. I gave her some pictures that I have of Zoë with her favorite little brother, Daniel which will be included in the poster. We would much rather have Zoë here but life, job, school and bills happen when you are a grown up living on your own more than 330 miles away from home.

We miss you like crazy Zo-zo!!!

Act natural she said.

Relax she said.

Just be yourself she said.

And so we did. Perhaps we did just a little bit too much because yes, someone farted and we all reacted as expected…which Marie documented in several frames. Of course she would because she is the kind of friend who will take a picture of her taking a picture of my ass.

Love that girl!

Thankfully she didn’t document the throwing up.

Oh family photo shoots!

I can’t wait to see what she does with all of this.

not missed

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At work the other night I find that I have a little bit of time on my hands…

No! Goodness, no it is not that word that is the opposite of fast or busy and it isn’t that word that starts with the letter “q” either.

SSSHHHH!!!!

Nurses do not say such things out loud unless they are naive, newbies, desperate for more hours and time away from bathroom breaks, meal breaks, family time, sleep…or are eager to help move things along for a patient who might have been  maybe laboring all day.

Don’t say those words out loud.

Please.

Trust me in my unit we have plenty to keep us occupied and working hard…very hard…all the time. But the other night I found time on my hands…down time…and with down time we try to catch up. I chose to stock supplies; supplies that when I am slammed with patient care find that I do not have close at hand to help me deliver the kind of patient care that I expect to deliver….

EKG leads…feeding tubes…syringes…kleenex…lancets…heel warmers…gloves…IV tubing…baby wipes…diapers…4x4s…and on and on and on.

I pulled these things (and more) from the stock room with the intent that the next time we get slammed, when I am there, these things will be right where I expect them to be when I need them.

I can be very selfish when I am stocking the patient care areas that I am working in. Then again, I do it for my tiny patients too.

You are welcome tiny patients! Love you beautiful babies!!

So while gathering feeding supplies for gavage feedings because I do a lot of gavage feedings on any given 12 hour shift, I came across this.

Oh you 14 French MIC-Key gastrostomy feeding tube…you were such a HUGE part of my life for such a long time…a HUGE part of my son’s life and his father’s life and his sisters’ lives…until you were replaced by a Bard gastrostomy tube that had to be surgically placed and then, years later, surgically removed. I hated you and I hated the Bard too. Then again, I valued you, grew to rely on you…a lot. It is because of you I often questioned my own ability to care for my child, to nurture him, to feed him. But at the same time I was thankful that you were there poking out of my little boy’s abdominal wall because without you how else would I be able to feed my little boy for so many years?

Oh little 14 French MIC-Key gastrostomy feeding tube, we don’t see you very often here in our NICU but you are here tucked in that drawer in the stock room where we keep all the tube feeding supplies just in case. That is indeed a good thing because what if we did need you at say 0200? There you are, in that drawer. Waiting. Ready.

I close the drawer which you are stored in and sigh. No one needs you tonight or any time soon. Thank goodness. I don’t miss seeing you little 14 French MIC-Key gastrostomy feeding tube. I don’t miss you at all.

some of the most talented nurses in Modesto…

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Work with me!

Not a shift goes by at my workplace where I am not in awe of something that one of my co-workers can do.We save tiny human beings all day and all night long…and we come up with great ideas and plans to decrease our CABSI rate to ZERO for days and days and weeks and weeks and months and months and now years…we rock cross-fit and running, theater and music, photography and every crafty, creative hobby under the sun…and we, well, one of us can rebuild and save a twenty-one year old beloved stuffed toy from certain destruction.

Squishy doesn’t realize just how lucky she is. Some mighty skilled hands saved her ducky-ass…literally! Sure it took some time, but this was delicate work that needed to be done…done by a very busy full-time working nurse who is also busy chasing after an adorable one year old baby boy.

She is one lucky duck!

Okay Squshy, enough with the duck-faced poses. You look ridiculous.

Yeah, even for a duck!

Thank you my dear Lisa for your time and your talent and your heart. Squishy is one lucky duck because of you but I am even luckier to count you as one of my co-workers.

 

 

daily Fallon #76

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Ever since Daniel was a baby and we were told that he was profoundly hearing impaired, we tried to learn ASL and we failed…BIG TIME. I’m not sure why it was such a struggle for us all, but it was. It was all good. The hearing tests performed on Daniel in the NICU were WRONG. I already knew that because the baby did need to be quiet and ideally sleeping during the test. Daniel was SCREAMING and the tech was vigorously patting his bottom hoping to calm him. Of course the tech blew me off when I questioned this as if I was just any mommy who would have no clue how to administer a proper ALGO or BAER hearing screen.

Whatever.

I was right. The kid had absolutely NO hearing loss.

Still we struggled communicating so we embraced Baby Signs…and Daniel thought we were absolutely nuts. But that has not stopped us from trying to teach Hazel..ha-ha…and now Fallon. Like Daniel and her big sister, she thinks we are all crazy signing for milk or more or done or eat…

Oh wait…”EAT?” you have something for me to eat?!?

I am all about having something yummy to eat at Mima’s house. Here you go. Now give me something to eat.

Thanks!