life as the plumber’s wife


A mid-day text message conversation between a plumber and his adoring wife:

So the faucet in the kitchen sink has been leaky the past couple of days and it is getting worse. Zelda likes it.

But it has literally filled up a cup within the last half hour just dripping.

Do you know a good plumber?

No.

Try Angie’s List.

:::silence:::

I’ll correct the aforementioned defect when I get home.

Are you a good plumber?

Well, I’m cheap.

That’s what she said!

[/rimshot]

 

 

 

 

“I like your show…can you send me some underwear?”


Overheard under The Big Top:

Daniel- I want to write a letter to Ellen.

Mom- Okay

Daniel- Can I give her a picture of me too; so that she’ll know it’s from me?

Mom- (with a little sarcasm) Do you want to autograph it too?

Daniel- YEAH! AWESOME!

This is what happens when your kid realizes he is like Internet famous. No, not viral or like a celebrity, but he knows he has fans thanks to mom’s blogging and the fact that he is pretty awesome. Does he imagine that Ellen reads Adventures in Juggling? I’m not going to ask.

So he sits down and autographs a picture of himself signing it: To Ellen, Love Daniel xoxo. And then he begins his letter telling her that he likes her…he likes her a lot. He loves her show. She is so so funny. She’s kind too. Oh, and he just loves her underwear….Can I have some of your underwear? he writes. Yes, he wrote that. He also offers that if they were to ever meet he would hug her because he loves her and because he is a pretty great hugger…a lot of people say that about me he adds.

Daniel- Can I ask her to give me a giant $10,000 gift card too?

Um…

We sure could use that like pretty much anyone else I know. Actually the IRS would LOVE it and definitely take it because that’s what they’re doing to us right now but…

Mom- No, son. You shouldn’t ask her for money. I think just telling her how much you like her is enough.

Daniel- I’m still asking her for underwear.

Mom- That’s fine, son.

 

started from the bottom and now he’s here


Overheard today under The Big Top:

Daniel: Are you proud that I’m going to start 6th grade next week?

Mom: Very proud, Daniel. And very excited too. How about you?

Daniel: Yeah. But I don’t think I’m ready for 8th or 9th grade.

Mom: Of course you’re not ready for 8th and 9th grade. You need to work through 6th and 7th grade first. One grade at a time son.

Daniel: You’re right mom.

Mom: Of course I am. I’m sure that you will make 6th grade life yours.

Daniel: Yeah?

Mom: Yeah. The odds are in your favor.

Daniel: Like when I was born?

Mom: Yes.

Daniel: Like when I was so small that I fit in your hand?

Mom: Yes. You were born with incredible odds against you and yet one by one you beat down those odds. You beat things when you weighed just one pound that most people will never face in their lifetime. 6th grade life? You’ve got this, son.

Daniel: …smiles and hugs his mom…

And then we bring out his NICU memory box from the back of his closet because sometimes lately he wants to remind himself of where he started from.

Daniel: I was really THIS small?

Mom:: You were indeed THIS small!

Started from the bottom…

Yeah!

Bring it on 6th grade life…bring it on.

Oh, and, OMG my little boy, the baby boy who really did fit into my hand the day that he was born, is starting 6th grade next week!!!

 

and how I know she’s her mother’s daughter


You know, other than the fact that I was there the day that she was born and cut the cord that attached her to her mother; or the fact that she looks like her mother and my other daughters, as does her sister because ginger genes rule…

I‘m Harriet the Spy, Mima.

Really?

Yeah.

Who are you spying on?

Fallon.

As sisters do to sisters because they are your sisters. Extra bonus points if they are your younger sisters and you catch them doing something you believe to be wrong.

These two facts indeed confirm that she is definitely her mother’s daughter which is good because I was beginning to wonder when she declared that Full House is dumb.