ownership

Working this week on me being the sole proprietor of my thoughts, my memories, my words, my opinions with my therapist has been hard. A lifetime of being told these are not mine, not real, not true, not worthy of being shared takes it toll. It’s one of the reason why I stopped writing decades ago, much to the disappointment of a high school writing teacher who just recently reconnected via Facebook upon discovering that after high school I stopped writing altogether. I did stop, until I started blogging more than ten years ago. First in secret. Then with a faceless audience who seemed to like the words and thoughts I put out there. Then it grew and grew as did the audience some who know me very well and some who like to imagine that they know me even better than I know me and now, well sometimes it’s hard again. Most times I ignore it all as I remind myself that I am a grown-assed, accomplished woman with real thoughts and opinions and memories that have every right to be put out there with the words that I want to use. But sometimes that damn codependent-y, Golden Retriever in me comes out and, well, it’s hard.

Which is why this week we worked more on the truth that I am the owner of me. And as I reinforced this within myself I received this:

I’ve promised the one who shared this that Brad Pitt will be cast to portray him in the movie version.

letting go for what is waiting for us

I can’t reveal too many details just yet. Actually I am not ready to at least to the masses just yet. But I’m working on letting go and trusting in what is waiting for me.  To those who have let me pour my heart and soul out and have offered hugs, encouragement and support, I thank you so much. To those who have no freakin’ clue what this is all about, relax! It’s all good. It’s just another adventure for my circus and me. All will be revealed soon enough. I promise.

Found these words of encouragement over at my blackjack teacher Amy’s blog.

blossoms

Break open a cherry tree and there are no flowers, but the spring breeze brings forth myriad blossoms.
~Ikkyu Sojun

Time to break out the zyrtec!