what makes me a PTA reject

Yes, I am that mom. I am a PTA reject.

Why are you even remotely surprised?

Now it’s not that I didn’t try. Back when Hollie was a bright-eyed little kindergartener, I did sign on to join and I enthusiastically planned to attend all the meetings and take on all the projects. Then I attended my first meeting…

Oh you work?

I’m not sure why this seemed to be such a bad thing but it was. Still I pressed on determined to support my daughter by supporting her school. They needed me, no matter what anyone who regards moms who work outside the home as bad people might think. But attending meetings and participating seemed like, well, it seemed like junior high where ugly, awkward, pimply-faced me just wanted to be friends and fit in with the graceful, pretty, clear-skinned popular girls.

It seemed that this is where the pretty, clear-skinned popular girls landed…in the PTA.

UGH! This feels a lot like Moms’ Bible Study!

Whatever!

I stopped attending the meetings. I definitely did not sign on to any committees or special projects…except for that one year I was on the school yearbook committee because Yearbook Mom told me the year before that there was no way that Zoë’s name could appear in the yearbook with the umlaut above the “e”. Well, it did when she was in second grade because her mommy participated in the yearbook committee and with a Sharpie pen put two dots above the “e”. Yearbook Mom at first was not amused, but every year after there were two dots above the ‘e’ because I showed her how it could be done. But other than that I was pretty comfortable with paying the annual PTA dues and buying the crappy wrapping paper, the stinky candles, the chocolate candies and all the walkathons because it was for my kids’ school. The school got the money, my kids got the class credit and ice cream party for kids whose parents were members, the PTA moms didn’t have to deal with the awkward of me wanting to fit in and for them to tell me that I couldn’t…and they could get back to their whispering about the moms who worked outside the home…especially the one who looked like she just rolled out of bed in rumpled scrubs at the afternoon pickup…yes, me. It was good for us all.

Added bonus is the free ice cream for me!

Frankly, I find myself wondering why we can’t just adopt this approach to school support and fundraising?

Sign.

Me.

Up.

All kidding and snarkiness aside, I still support my kids’ schools….Dolphins and Timberwolves and now Sun Devils all the way!!! Just let me write you a check and you all who eat, sleep and breathe PTA while hovering closely over our kids’ schools can continue to do the awesome that you do. Smile and thank me…then get back to the whispering about my just rolled out of bed look…or the other moms who just don’t seem to fit in.

Like my daughter.

We’re totally okay with that.

And then when I’m feeling oh so smug as I write this the phone rings…

Mom…

What’s up Daniel?

Today was a minimum day. Are you going to come get me?

Yes. I did that.

shifted revolutions

Late one August night in 2001, I had an emotional crisis which my darling husband had to talk me down from and hug it out. My then youngest child, my sunshine-y, happy baby girl who was slumbering peacefully in the room next door was going to be starting kindergarten the next morning. No doubt she was having happy, sweet, sunshine-y dreams about her very first day of kindergarten because that was all that she chirped about as I bathed her, brushed her golden hair and tucked her into bed with kisses and hugs. She could not wait.

But me? I had resolved that she wouldn’t be starting kindergarten after all. That’s right. It was settled, I told my darling husband. Jodie would not be going to school.

But…Bill countered…she has to go to school.

No. No she does not. School will ruin her. Look what it has done to our 14 year old first born…a perfectly normal adolescent who would rather chew ground glass than hang out with mom and dad because

Oh my gawd! Mom! Dad! No!!

She used to love and adore us like the sun and the moon that rose and set for her every day. The she went to school.. It’s too late for her and Zoë and Abby but we can save this one. No school for her. I am the center of her universe. She is Mommy’s baby girl. She even still calls me Mommy. School willI ruin it all. No school for her.

I told you it was a crisis.

Bill obviously talked me out of it because Jodie did happily skip off to Miss Smith’s bright classroom the next morning. Our then teenager continued to put us through the paces but we all survived…as we have survived three more teenagers. And yes, the center of Jodie’s universe did shift as it did with all of my children.

Dammit school!

So now I start to adjust to the fact that my third circus clown has left The Big Top…and her empty room…and the even quieter circus tent…and remembering not to set a place for her at the table…and on and on… I’m going to be okay…I think…and then Laurie shares I was the sun, and the kids were my planets and…

Dammit!

:::SOB!!!:::

I’m a mess all over again because Beverly Beckham is right. When Hollie left the first time and then left the second time with Hazel and when Zoë left and now Jodie it has been the end.

I was the sun and they were the planets. And there was life on those planets, whirling, nonstop plans and parties and friends coming and going, and ideas and dreams and the phone ringing and doors slamming.

And I got to beam down on them. To watch. To glow.

And then they were gone, one after the other.

Yes, they do come back but it is never the same, noisy, chaotic, busy circus that was life under The Big Top when I was the sun and they were my planets.

life distracts

No apologies, just acknowledging that living life day to day sometimes will distract.

Doctors’ appointments and wondering what pediatrician’s office doesn’t have these germ encrusted toys that our kids always want to play with? Sorry, some things micro preemie moms just never let go even when their extremely premature baby is now a teenager.

Road trips…for more doctors’ office visits.

Exhausting they are…completely.

Back to school adventures begin and we pause wondering how in the world can she be in SECOND GRADE??!!

And how can she possibly be hundreds of miles from home starting college which includes a class studying Orange Is The New Black? She better ace that class. I mean it.

Then there’s work…

and laundry…yes, still…

Life distracts from taking the time to sit down and write about life and I offer no apology because life distracts…and because I have several loads of laundry waiting to be folded.

One would imagine that with only 2 of my 5 children remaining here under The Big Top that there would be so much less to juggle. One would be wrong.

Give me a sec to adjust this juggling act.

moving back to school

Yes, we are back from my sister’s wedding. Yes, it was absolutely wonderful! Yes, my sister was absolutely the loveliest bride. Yes, the whole family had a great time making great memories. Yes, there are pictures to share. No, I haven’t begun to sort and edit them. Yes, that means that I am not quite ready to share them all.

Patience.

I have some unpacking to finish and, of course, laundry too.

But first…

Daniel’s first day of school…two days after the official first day of school.

Seventh grade life, people!

I’m not sure what to think of this smile of his right now.

Seventh grade life, people!

Best thing about seventh grade so far? His 5th grade mainstream teacher is his 7th grade mainstream teacher. His homeroom teacher is hot. Instead of recess he has BRUNCH and BREAK because this is 7th grade, mom.

Oh, 7th grade life!

It’s going to be a good year.

And then there is this…

I cried just a little looking at all of this and more that is moving to Arizona with my baby girl mainly because I can’t be there to help her move in…and hover just a little…or perhaps a lot because this is my youngest daughter.

Zelda, after closer inspection, thinks this is pretty much bullshit…she’s taking the big fluffy pillows and comforter!!! Now what am I going to lie on while I nap in the warm morning sunshine??!! You can’t FaceTime fluffy pillows and bedding!

or her hugs that she so willingly gives all the time every day. You’re right, Zelda. This is bullshit.

Sigh!

I’m so excited for her next adventure but dammit, I’m going to miss her while she’s gone. ASU, you better be very good to my baby, my love, my heart, my joy!

we’re going to title this “how I spent my summer vacation”

Back to school in our neck of the woods is fast approaching…TWENTY TWO DAYS!!!! So is my sister’s wedding and so is Jodie’s move to Arizona (SOB!) But until then, we have twenty two days left to try to have as much fun as we can and as we can afford because my sister’s wedding and Jodie’s move to Arizona is just around the corner. Meanwhile, since the beginning of June, here is where I have been three afternoons a week.

Sitting in the “Faux-bucks” in my local Target sipping an iced green tea while I write, edit photos, pin stuff on Pinterest, tweet, enjoy a podcast…especially this one because I know Kristen and she and Liz totally rock…and generally try to restrain myself from leaving the Fauxbucks to wander the aisles of Target and buy all the things while Daniel is next door at our local Sylvan Learning Center. Twenty tutoring sessions in and while I admit it hurts paying that tuition, I am so thankful for spending my summer vacation this way…and I guess Daniel spending some of his summer vacation there too. Suddenly my son is enjoying learning a little bit. Perhaps he will never be as excited about reading and learning as his nerdy mommy has been, is and always will be. But after his session with his tutor, he tells me all about nouns and verbs and pronouns and synonyms and homophones and vocabulary words….

HE.

IS.

TELLING.

ME.

He is telling me so much more than the standard “okay”, “we did math”, ‘we had an assembly” answers. He is actually enjoying learning and he is telling me about it.

Worth it.

So absolutely, completely worth it.

Plus I’m spending quality time in my local Fauxbucks, sipping my iced green tea while I people watch, write, edit photos, pin, tweet and catch up on my girls from Spawned.