and now I shall assemble my entourage

So early this morning, before I took Daniel to school, I answered a tweet from a reporter in New York City. The next thing I knew I was putting on makeup, fixing my hair and trying to find the right place to sit and casually FaceTime with the same reporter talking about the ladies of The View.

Laundry be damned!

Meanwhile, on The View an apology was offered…sort of…kind of.

Honestly my kids offered better sorry, not sorry apologies when they were little kids. But thank you for telling us how much you loves all the nurses. Thank you also for telling our bosses we deserve all the raises. Thank you also for hostsplaining all of this to us…especially the part where you explained that we need to listen because we weren’t listening. Thanks for that ladies of The View.

Meanwhile this happened right here under The Big Top

…with my kids photobombing behind me. I learned how important what is in the background is while being interviewed for a nationally syndicated news/entertainment show. Shelves with pictures of your kids perhaps too distracting. Dry, dying backyard landscape view because it’s a serious drought here in California from a dirty window definitely worse. So kids get to be in the shot.


But enough with the view…you see what I did there…let’s get down with what I had to say.

Why were nurses so mad, did we not understand that their discussion was poking fun at the ridiculousness of beauty pageants and their talent portion? Of course we did. Some of us likely were joking along with them. Remember when I mentioned the bad karaoke, crazy beauty queen smile while dancing to a very emotional song or a ballerina that couldn’t relevé to the point of dance mom distraction? Literally this is the kind of stuff that reminds us how vapid beauty pageants can be. Perhaps Miss Colorado’s talent wasn’t the best performance of the night. I would agree. But hers also was not the worst either. What I liked about it, besides the obvious celebration of the best job ever, was it was original. It was not the usual insipid beauty queen talent. Here was a very beautiful woman articulating her thoughts and passion in a very intelligent manner…also a refreshing step away from the ridiculousness that is the interview portion of pageants. The hosts on The View wanted to mock the silliness of this pageant so naturally they choose the one who stepped out of the vacuous beauty pageant box. Makes perfect sense! No, not really. But the audience did get what you were trying to joke about because we wee actually listening.

Nurses united because in mocking the Just A Nurse monologue the ladies of The View came off as dismissive of the passion that Kelley Johnson so effectively articulated. Year after year after year, Gallup polls come out with nurses on top as the most respected, trusted profession. We know that we are a key part of a healthcare team and we are very proud of that. Nurses are most definitely not demure handmaidens to doctors ever ready to do their bidding. We also are not empty-headed, buxom, sexy nurses in tight white dresses and high heels. Remember those Gallup polls? We are the most trusted and respected profession. We are because we are well educated, driven, tireless, creative, talented, quick-thinking, non-judgmental caregivers who are always there for our patients literally 24/7…especially after the physicians have made their rounds, written their orders and have gone home. Kelley Johnson’s monologue expressed all of that and more. Perhaps a woman in hospital scrubs, sensible shoes with a stethoscope draped around her neck isn’t so glamorous. Then again, Kelley Johnson indeed was beautiful from the inside out up on that stage representing nurses everywhere.

All that and more I shared with the Inside Edition reporter who interviewed me this morning. I congratulated myself for not freaking out seeing my face while FaceTiming with her. Does anyone look attractive when FaceTiming? Really? I also patted myself on the back because my voice did not shake, I did not curse and I thought I  expressed myself in a thoughtful, coherent manner. Hurray for me!

And here is the piece with my interview.

Literally five seconds of kind of famous. Definitely going to need an entourage when I report to work tomorrow night…and dark glasses…and someone to hold my stethoscope.


Not to brag or anything, but I am a pretty talented person. It’s not bragging when I repeat  back what people have told me over the years. I can sing. I take great pictures. I have beautiful handwriting. I’m a good writer. Oh, and I am a nurse.

Wait, nursing is not a talent?

True, Miss Colorado did not sing or dance or twirl a baton with fire or play a musical instrument. Still her monologue was quite moving; moving enough to be selected in the top ten of the Miss America Pageant.

Yes, I watched it. I was on call Sunday night and just trying to pass the time so why not? I got paid to do it being on call. Again, why not?

Perhaps Kelley Johnson’s talent wasn’t the most talented. Then again, some of the vocalists made bad karaoke at Torii’s sound great…and don’t get me started on the crazy smile while dancing to Bridge Over Troubled Water or the pointe dancer who couldn’t even relevé because once a dance mom always a dance mom. Original, yes. Spoken with a lot of heart and soul. But, yes, perhaps not the best talent performance. The ladies of The View seemed to think so.

Oh Dear Ladies of The View…are y’all enjoying the blow up today on social media? I sure hope so. Please allow me to educate you on a few things because that is one of the many things nurses do…we educate. We even have to document when we educate.

First of all, that is not a costume that we wear. We wear scrubs. We wear scrubs because they are designed to move with us as we go about our duties caring for our patients for 12 or more hours a day or night. They also provide a barrier from blood, poop, vomit and all kinds of body fluids. Kind of. Sort of. They are designed to clean up pretty easily because they are laundered a lot…A LOT…because of blood, poop, vomit and all kinds of body fluids.

Now about that stethoscope…

This is not a doctor’s stethoscope. This one in particular is a nurse’s. Nurses don’t wear them. We USE them. We use them to auscultate or listen….listen to all kinds of things: heart rates and rhythms, clicks and whooshes that might indicate problems with the valves in the heart, air flow that indicates the lungs are working or the endotracheal tube to help a patient breathe is in the right place along with wheezes and crackles that might indicate problems with a patient’s lung function, blood flow through arteries like the carotid, renal, iliac, femoral and the aorta, bowel sounds or perhaps the absence of bowel sounds. We use them as a percussion instrument when measuring the span of the liver. They also can help to check reflexes and can be used as a hearing aid in a pinch. In the NICU we most definitely don’t wear our stethoscopes. We don’t even carry them as each of our tiny patients have their own at their bedside because of infection…so that means it is not a doctor’s stethoscope or a nurse’s or a respiratory therapist’s, it’s the BABY’S!

Being a nurse requires a lot of education (which never does end), skill, intelligence, patience, civility, wisdom, guts, a very strong stomach and talent. It is something that a lot of people can not do…much like some people can’t sing…or perhaps should not sing…ever…just saying.

I won’t lie, I was a little pissed off at the dismissive, mocking tone the ladies of The View had regarding Ms Johnson sharing her passion which was no different than other contestants sharing their passions in the talent portion of the pageant. Okay, fine. I was a lot pissed off. What Ms Johnson does, what any nurse does every day (or night), what I do is amazing. We save lives…each and every day.

Today is National Neonatal Nurses Day and I was reminded all day today by families of some of my most favorite patients of that truth…and how damn lucky I am to be a part of their lives…lives I cared for.

To the ladies of The View, like Miss Colorado, and like the more than 19.3 million women and men all across the globe, my talent is nursing.

I save the lives of tiny humans for a living…and what is it you do?

what makes me a PTA reject

Yes, I am that mom. I am a PTA reject.

Why are you even remotely surprised?

Now it’s not that I didn’t try. Back when Hollie was a bright-eyed little kindergartener, I did sign on to join and I enthusiastically planned to attend all the meetings and take on all the projects. Then I attended my first meeting…

Oh you work?

I’m not sure why this seemed to be such a bad thing but it was. Still I pressed on determined to support my daughter by supporting her school. They needed me, no matter what anyone who regards moms who work outside the home as bad people might think. But attending meetings and participating seemed like, well, it seemed like junior high where ugly, awkward, pimply-faced me just wanted to be friends and fit in with the graceful, pretty, clear-skinned popular girls.

It seemed that this is where the pretty, clear-skinned popular girls landed…in the PTA.

UGH! This feels a lot like Moms’ Bible Study!


I stopped attending the meetings. I definitely did not sign on to any committees or special projects…except for that one year I was on the school yearbook committee because Yearbook Mom told me the year before that there was no way that Zoë’s name could appear in the yearbook with the umlaut above the “e”. Well, it did when she was in second grade because her mommy participated in the yearbook committee and with a Sharpie pen put two dots above the “e”. Yearbook Mom at first was not amused, but every year after there were two dots above the ‘e’ because I showed her how it could be done. But other than that I was pretty comfortable with paying the annual PTA dues and buying the crappy wrapping paper, the stinky candles, the chocolate candies and all the walkathons because it was for my kids’ school. The school got the money, my kids got the class credit and ice cream party for kids whose parents were members, the PTA moms didn’t have to deal with the awkward of me wanting to fit in and for them to tell me that I couldn’t…and they could get back to their whispering about the moms who worked outside the home…especially the one who looked like she just rolled out of bed in rumpled scrubs at the afternoon pickup…yes, me. It was good for us all.

Added bonus is the free ice cream for me!

Frankly, I find myself wondering why we can’t just adopt this approach to school support and fundraising?




All kidding and snarkiness aside, I still support my kids’ schools….Dolphins and Timberwolves and now Sun Devils all the way!!! Just let me write you a check and you all who eat, sleep and breathe PTA while hovering closely over our kids’ schools can continue to do the awesome that you do. Smile and thank me…then get back to the whispering about my just rolled out of bed look…or the other moms who just don’t seem to fit in.

Like my daughter.

We’re totally okay with that.

And then when I’m feeling oh so smug as I write this the phone rings…


What’s up Daniel?

Today was a minimum day. Are you going to come get me?

Yes. I did that.

dreaming dreams

I dream a dream

I dream a dream where my desk will forever always be as uncluttered as I wish my mind would be.

Because this literally took me all day to do. Of course given the fact that my mind is such a cluttered mess, it is likely that it took all day to clean and organize this entire workspace because my mind is such a distracted cluttered mess.


I dream a dream where I would not find myself so excited over my latest purchase.

Best $4 I have ever spent ever because menopause is stupid and the fact that hot flashes can literally go on and on for years…YEARS post menopause is just stupid and dumb and quite possibly causes me to question my belief that it is great to be a girl.

I dream a dream where one can sit in a waiting room, a coffee shop, at a bus stop, in an airport, in a restaurant and not be forced to enjoy the music, video, game, podcast, whatever loud noises coming from an individual’s smart phone, tablet or laptop because, believe it or not, we really aren’t as into that new music video on YouTube or movie or book on tape game or whatever else you or your precious snowflake might be enjoying while sitting next to us in a waiting room, coffee shop, bus stop, airport, restaurant or any public place where we are sharing the same oxygen.



I dream a dream where ear buds and headphones are available for all god’s children…especially you and your precious snowflake.

And then I dream some more…

be warned

When you are out and about anywhere in the Central Valley and you happen to see this beautiful child,

DON’T...I repeat, DO NOT call her a boy. She is going to throw some serious shade your way and will call you out.

But I’m a girl, Mom!, she loudly proclaims as you pass by.


Seriously people! A ruffled blouse, jeggings, pink loafers with glitter?!

Oh well! Random strangers can say the stupidest things, I guess.

I’m sorry, Fallon. For what it’s worth, your mommy and aunties often were mistaken for adorable boys too…even when they were three years old and sometimes wearing the most feminine of dresses.. Except for Abby. For some reason, your Auntie Abby was rarely mistaken as a little boy. Abby had curly eyelashes and everyone knows little girls have curly eyelashes. Then again, Daniel has curly eyelashes too…and people often commented that he was a beautiful baby girl. Yeah, random strangers make stupid observations sometimes.

You keep giving them the side eye, fancy girl.