invisible in a bikini


Summer is most definitely here and the time is right to bare a little skin at the beach, at the pool, at the water park, at the lake and even on the Dirty Delta because it’s hot, we want to get wet and because it’s fun.

It is fun.

Well, for the body confident, the tan, the fit, the young.

If you listen to women’s and girls’ conversations about swimsuits it would seem that it isn’t fun at all. At one point in all of our lives we have had that moment of anxiety and self-loathing as we regarded ourselves in a harshly lit dressing room dressed in the bikini that looked perfect on the rack. “What happened?“, we wonder, as we regard every real and imagined imperfection, dimple, roll, sag, stretch mark perfectly highlighted in the most non-flattering light possible as we stand before the most unforgiving (and likely angled) mirror.

And while most of us fretted, stressed, starved, covered up and berated ourselves for not having the confidence to rock that perfect two piece swimsuit there are women all over the interwebs and in the news right now who are wearing that bikini and writing about it or posting pictures of it: a fat woman, another plus sized woman, an insulin pump dependent diabetic beauty queen, a woman living with Crohn’s Disease and a colostomy.

Oh, and a 52 year old woman wore a bikini poolside every day last week while staying in Las Vegas with two of her daughters and her grand daughters.

No one noticed. No one cared. No, not because I am over 50 and everyone knows that women of a certain age are indeed invisible once they are women of a certain age. No one noticed because everyone was too busy having fun enjoying that perfect pool, with their perfect, over-priced, poolside refreshments on a perfect sunshine-y day. I doubt anyone could see my birth date stamped on my ass indicating that I should not be wearing that bikini…including some of the men I caught briefly glancing at my ass as I walked by. Even if they could, I doubt anyone really cared. Nor did they care that my exposed, rounded belly once carried four of my five babies…at least no one asked. And although they might have noticed the blinding paleness of my SPF 50 coated body, no one stopped me demanding that I cover up right now. No one really cared and neither did I.

I wore a bikini every day while in Vegas last week because I wanted to…because I can…because I have limited time on this Earth to feel the sun on my skin (protected by sunscreen of course)…because the weather and that gorgeous pool pretty much said so.

what you should do on your summer vacation


Overheard:

Look Mom! I’m visiting my childhood!

These would be games that he played a long, long time ago in a land called 2012. His present day dirty fingernails look the same as they did back when he was a child…in 2012! It’s a losing battle. Yes, Daniel is visiting his childhood having rediscovered his Nintendo 3DS and a multitude of old 3DS and DS games which have pretty much been collecting dust sitting neglected on his bookshelf.

Don’t worry, armchair parenting experts, there is much more to his summer vacation activities than this. Still, sometimes, some days it is just fun to pull out old toys and games and just be a kid.

Daniel told me that.

the inconvenience of awesome


Aw, growth spurts! So much fun…said no parent who JUST bought their kid those out-grown athletic shoes or three pairs of must-have skinny jeans ever.

When I was a girl I discovered just how awful growth spurts could be as in Mommy-Dearest just bought me those shoes or those pants or just let out the hem of those dresses and pantsuits (we wore pantsuits back in the day, don’t judge) with no more material left to hem. She’d be frustrated and angry that I was growing like a weed and I would feel bad because I clearly should have better control of this growing thing…at least that was my perspective as a 12 year old kid not understanding the inconvenience of your kid growing like a weed when there are bills to pay and groceries to buy to feed your ravenous, growing weed.

Then I became a mother; a mother of kids that grew and grew like weeds. Often growing like crazy at the most inconvenient of times like when I had bills to pay or groceries to buy to feed those ravenous little weeds of mine.

I could not seem to keep Zoë in jeans that were soon too small or impossibly too short literally a month after I bought them. And replacing Jodie’s split sole, black tap shoes that were scarcely worn for only two dance competitions really sucked sometimes as did emergency alterations of custom made costumes that were custom made to allow for grow room.  I mean…how rude…how inconvenient…these kids are growing much too fast!

And then I understood.

Oh.

So now that Spring has really sprung, Daniel is ready to break out the shorts. But the shorts are much, much too small. Two sizes too small. Shorts he has worn for the last two years of Spring and Summer…perhaps more. Shorts that are clearly much, much too small.

Oh happy day!!!

Human growth hormones, I love you so much…except for the fact that this is a helluva time for the kid to have outgrown his clothes because there are bills to pay…too many bills…and these kids seem to be hungry all the time…especially that kid who is finally GROWING!!!

So inconvenient but so freaking awesome!!!

Don’t worry, the mom of the 8 year old who apparently is wearing shorts two sizes bigger than Daniel’s new shorts tempered my excitement and frustration by pointing out the fact that her 8 year old is two sizes bigger than my 12 year old….as moms of kids who are not growth hormone deficient do.

Thanks!

Us moms of kids well below the growth curve their entire life, with non-functioning pituitary glands, love to hear about the burden of your overgrown child. It’s so…encouraging. Thanks.

Still, it is pretty damn awesome to pack away forever the shorts your son has worn every Spring, Summer and Fall season since second grade as his fifth grade year is winding down because this is normal. This is what “normal” parents do with their kids as they grow. This is just more “normal” for us to celebrate as parents of this mighty, former micro-preemie of ours, as parents of micro-preemies do…celebrating the normal.

So damn awesome!

Now to figure out what Peter to rob to pay Paul for the new shorts, the shorts that fit. Hey, at least they were on sale!

 

 

Ocean City, a diary in pictures


Where my blog becomes Uncle Ned’s Vacation Pictures Slideshow…except you can click away…but you will miss the cute…I’m just saying…

Trust me, this place isn’t just beautiful sunsets, ocean views, bay views, teacup rides with cute Jersey boys, Ferris Wheels, crazy humidified hair, henna tattoos and ballerinas dancing in the sand and crabs that I never had a chance to really enjoy because my circus clowns are Philistines refusing to even try the local fare…like crabs. It is so much more.

Where we stayed, we really could pretty much walk anywhere…if one was not handicapped with a walking cast…or really wanted to walk. Me, I wanted to walk everywhere. I secretly envied every single early morning jogger and runner I saw. Walking or not, Ocean City is a pretty easy place to get around where one can enjoy

Jolly Rogers

with giant slides

and climb-y things

little roller coasters

and big ones too…and bumper cars…and so many other rides…and dippin’ dots…and funnel cake.

There were rainy days on the boardwalk…

Three miles of boardwalk

with a piercing parlor, henna tattoo kiosks, t-shirt store and a Sunsations about every 25 feet or so..

and art…

all kinds of art.

There were early morning boat rides…

on the Atlantic Ocean with dolphins all around…

but no sharks.

Thank goodness for that.

Because, at last! Finally, a perfect day for the beach…no dancing, dance team gatherings or babysitting, no rain or thunder and lightning…finally!

Hurray! I might have taken the boot off. How else do you think I could get out there?

Sure I’ll pay for taking the boot off later but it was so worth it.

Because there was the ocean to play in…

and sandcastles to build with a new friend, Sally, by the seashore.

priceless Bella Vista days


Home at last and after Jodie’s lost, er, delayed bag, that giant, black with giant white polka dots all over bag that can easily hold Hazel and a week of clothes for her, was found more than 24 hours after we PAID for the baggage handlers of AirTran to properly, safely handle our bags, we can finally rest.

Amazing that long, drawn out sentence didn’t wear me (or anyone else) out.

But yes, we are home, a little bit sun-kissed, a lot tired and hearts full of happy, wonderful, priceless memories made in Ocean City.. If you are looking for a sweet vacation condo with gorgeous bay side and ocean views and close to everything on the island check out Bella Vista. I promise you that you will not be disappointed.

Also, here is some GREAT advice for planning a beach vacation and renting a beach house or condo.

Fair warning, more priceless memories to come…

after we catch up on some sleep.