It would seem that in the land of television their is much adoption drama going on this season…on Glee, on Parenthood and on Modern Family and the social media and blogging world is a bit freaked out.
Two seasons ago on Glee, Quinn Fabray so easily births a baby girl and walks away with the baby safe in the arms of her adoptive mom with nary a tear or emotional outburst of grief and the collective world freaks out because that is not real…or at least the reality of those who have birthed a baby and placed the child for adoption.
But it is just a television show…with singing and dancing.
The next season the character Quinn returns to her perfect head cheerleader life and Puck goes back to being a thug with a heart of gold with no mention of what they both went through the school year before and again there is freaking out because again that is not how it happens.
Still it is a television comedy/drama with even more singing and dancing.
Parenthood opens this season with Julia and her husband struggling with secondary infertility and their decision to adopt. Julia’s character, being the control freak who scarcely breathes that she is, tries to micro-manage even this part of their family life because that is how her character has been for the last two seasons of the television show. She even blurts out to Zoey, the single and pregnant coffee cart girl in her office, that she wants to adopt her baby and again the world practically bursts a vessel.
Still it is just a television show.
Zoey, Latte Girl, explains to Julia that she doesn’t want to place her baby with someone she knows. She wants a closed adoption. Again, the world freaks and declares that this is not real. No one does closed adoptions and walks away like a Juno. Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Um…it’s a televison drama…it’s not reality.
Then back to Glee, Shelby returns. First she must meet with Rachel to reach out to her and make amends for walking away after placing her with Rachel’s Dads years ago and rejecting Rachel reaching out to her two seasons ago.
Shelby is also seeking to have Quinn and Puck be a part of Beth’s life as her biological parents saying she doesn’t want them to have the same regrets that she has.
Yup, there is freaking out all over the place.
Still I keep shaking my head muttering this is a television show.
But in spite of how I feel I have to confess that this week’s episode of Glee did kind of touch on a nightmare of mine that I had for a few years. The first three years or so of Daniel’s life I dreamt that his bio parents returned wanting him back…demanding him back. Of course in my dream I am the one freaking out. The dream never resolved because I would always wake up as I was screaming at them that they didn’t deserve him.
I know. Bad adoptive mom! Shame on me!
But our family’s adoption experience doesn’t so neatly fit into a one hour weekly television drama series. Nor does it even remotely reflect your typical adoption experience…open or closed or otherwise. Social workers involved in our case back in the day told us they had never, ever had a case like ours. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not all bad. It’s all for good. After all, how fortunate we are to have Daniel in our lives? How lucky our family is to be completed by this remarkable child? I will never understand the thinking that brought his bio parents to the decision that they made. Still I am forever grateful for their choice. Anytime Daniel and I talk about the fact that he is adopted I always touch on the truth of how blessed we are that he is our son. He tells me that the reason why he had to be born 16 weeks early was so he could meet his mommy…yes, me.
See? I’m the lucky one!
As I watch the television dramas unfolding on Tuesday night I’m reminded of the fact that no adoption experience is the same…certainly never, ever like what is depicted in a television show…just as no parenting or family experience is the same. But then again, whose to say that some of these writers are NOT writing from their own experiences…from their own perspectives? I mean, if no adoption experience is the same as yours or yours or mine whose to say what they are writing doesn’t reflect their truths?
Nevertheless, while people in the world around me are screaming to reject these shows because they don’t get adoption right, I imagine that I will continue to watch and see how the stories do play out because I kind of like these television comedies and dramas.