You know those days where it seems like there is just not enough hours in the day for all that you need to get accomplished? My day, all day today. I have a list of errands to run as long as my arm and projects to get started on as well as the usual upkeep and juggling that comes with this circus life. So I throw on a pair of jeans, comfortable sweatshirt and sensible shoes, set my jaw, put my head down and begin to get it done because that is what I do.

I get it done.

I’m a get it done kind of girl.

Until I find myself at the WRONG bank. The bank I am supposed to be at to make that deposit at for my daughter is a totally different bank on the other side of town. Bank of the West…Wells Fargo…see how easy it is to get that mixed up?

It could be that easy!

Well, it could be!!

But I get that first errand done and it only took maybe only 90 minutes because it seems that every Wells Fargo customer living in Manteca was there when I were there. It’s all good. That errand is done.

Cross off ONE!


Feeling really accomplished, I look at that list of things to get done and get started today and well, there just are not enough hours today, one of my rare Saturdays off.

Thank goodness tomorrow Daylight Savings Time ends around 2 AM and we are to imagine that an hour is gained…except I hope to be sleeping when that hour is repeated…unlike last year.

Nevertheless, hour gained, lost or never really there to begin with, I still have a to-do list as long as my arm save for the three things I did manage to get done on one of my rare Saturdays off. One way or another I’m going to get them done because, like I said, I am a get it done kind of girl…a get it done eventually kind of girl.

NaPhoPoMo day 2

where I just said oh feck it and pounded some nails into the walls

We moved into our current Big Top in June 2011 and until today none of my photographs or art hung on the walls…none. Sure there was the very much needed calendar and clock on the wall…and in Jodie’s room are boy bands all over the walls surrounded by dance and school spirit posters…but nothing else was hung. And until we hung that ruler I made for Daniel in the sitting room, I really had no desire to do anything about it. All my treasured photographs and art remained boxed up and stored in the little cupboard under the stairs; which is supposed to be for my grandgirls to hide their toys to play in…after I paint over the hideous, half-assed fuschia chalkboard paint job. I have no clue about that. But yeah, we have had naked rental white walls and after losing the Big Top we built and made into a home, I just could not bring myself to hang my pictures.

I had a lot of good reasons:

  • The interior of this house needs to be painted…properly. I like my landlord a lot. He’s agreeable. He took a chance on us in spite of our sad financial state of affairs when we lost our home. He let us keep our dogs even though he had originally said no to pets. He looks the other way when my grandbabies’ cat, Bagheera comes over to visit. He let me paint the bannister. Yes, he is a pretty decent landlord…who did a craptastic job of patching and repainting the walls in this house. So I told myself that as soon as I had the money…and the time…and the energy I would paint these walls. Of course that would mean climbing a giant ladder for the 20 foot high ceilings in the sitting room and dining room. I look over at my darling husband and he shakes his head no..
  • I had babies and toddlers underfoot a lot. I don’t watch the girls full time anymore but they are still here a lot…almost everyday.
  • the greenhouse that is this house would ruin my treasures for sure.
  • and all kinds of other lame good excuses.

Truth be told I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Michelle pretty much hit the nail on the head (yes, pun intended) when she shared with me that she hasn’t been able to do the same thing in her current home because it would be as if she has set roots in that house…something after a few years she doesn’t want to do…like me, for a lot of reasons.We’re planning on a shared shrink session to delve into these issues of ours.

Losing the original Big Top was hard on me. There was so many different kinds of feelings that held me down in such a way that I could not move to make this house, this rental, into a home. A home for me, for my darling husband, for my children. Of course I was so wrapped and bound up in my depression and grief that I couldn’t see the effect that it has had on my family…

until Abby came downstairs as I hung up the first picture, a lovely print of a field of poppies, and said, “You’re hanging up the pictures! Now it will feel like we’re home!

You know what? She was right.

It was feeling less hollow.

A little more warm and not in that it is as hot as a freaking greenhouse way.

I still want to paint because this is just stupid. Later.

I will say that this pinterest idea really worked out well.

Oh but there is so much more left.

But it’s a start.



fifty shades of distracted


Spring Cleaning under the Big Top?…

Filing my Federal taxes (waiting until the eleventh hour because in spite of yet another year of unemployment/underemployment and losing our home we still freakin’ owe taxes this year…you’re welcome 1%)?…

Catching up on neglected projects (yes, of course I haven’t finished painting the staircase!)?…

Prepping for my biennial NRP renewal?…

Training for that mud run?…


What was that again?

Sorry. I’m finding myself rather distracted these days…and yes, perhaps a little too hot and bothered as well.

on my calendar

It’s the start of a new month…April already! On the calendar this week for me is all kinds of fun.

At least Katie Couric made it seem like fun.

I’m looking forward to that nap that she is promising.

This last week’s Focus 52 assignment was all about stacks and stacking it up. As you can see I have stacked up my supplies in preparation for some fun this week…except I forgot the vodka…that’s a clear liquid…right? Oh well. Head on over to Jan’s and check out the stacks.

a dance mom’s life list

Here I am busy juggling my life, my career, my kids’ lives and I manage to miss a little bit of dance mom drama at my 4th daughter’s studio. It certainly isn’t the crazy, bat-shit quality drama from the Abby Lee Studios that is depicted on Dance Moms...this show is totally a Big Top guilty pleasure… but I heard it does compare.

And to think I missed it!

Thankfully Jodie’s coach is the on top of craziness and manages to keep it to a minimum so she and the kids can focus on what they are there to do. The takeaway for her coach, for Jodie and the rest of the team was to sit down and assess what do these kids really want from this experience that is competitive dance. I know what Jodie wants. I have asked her every year that she has declared that she wanted to compete. I want to know what she wants from this and the assurance that she is having fun before I sign the check and prepare to schlep with her all over the place for competitions, classes and conventions. I know what she wants from this. Her coach does too. But recent events prompted them to sit down and really talk about what she wants from all this time, blood, sweat and tears that she has given this.

She does have dreams.

She has big dreams.

But her dreams are dosed with a lot of realism. She is a very smart girl…a VERY smart girl. Dance is big in those dreams but so is her education, where she wants to end up and what she eventually wants to do. Sitting down and taking stock of everything with her coach she is inspired all the more. Thankfully she has people…lots of people who are coming alongside of her, pointing her in the right direction and holding up a mirror for the occasional much-needed reality check. All of us are standing beside her as she continues to reach for her dreams, her wishes, her goals. Goals that include this someday.

Yes, someday she will be in that kick line. I’m not the only one who believes this to be so.

Oh and she has me…her biggest fan…the crazy dance mom who is working the extra shifts, sometimes helping with the hair and makeup, trying to avoid the bat-shit crazy dance mom drama and cheering her on all the way because how cool would it be to check off my Life List watching MY DAUGHTER dancing as a Radio City Music Hall Rockette in Radio City Music Hall? That is on my Life List you know…along with visiting the Scarborough Castle and learning how to turn a cartwheel. I guess she and I better start working on our code for “Hi Mom!” before that day comes.

More on my Life List, inspired by Karen Walrond’s inspiration shared at BlogHer 2011 someday soon…I promise!