this week on the iPhone

I may not take as many pictures with my Canon as I used toand I should be taking more…still I manage to take pictures because there is always my iPhone close at hand and Instagram.

She really is a pretty little thing and not nearly as bendy as the haters say that she is.

Rain finally came to to the Valley and I did ask my darling husband if he would rather take the car into work in the Bay Area rather than the bike because I could easily get up at o’dark thirty to take Jodie to work and then go home to sleep until it was time to take Daniel to school. No big deal. Jodie would have a triple latte ready for me when it was time to pick her up.

No was his answer.

He got soaked.

Oh well!

The morning after the rain is the best when everything is so fresh and clean…except the mom-car.

Oh, and sunrises as I leave work in the early morning are the best because, yes, I worked! I worked callback which is even better!!

The sunrise view in my mirror reminds me that my day is done…as soon as I drop my son off to school.

This son, my favorite son, who every day, all the time reminds me how lucky I am to say that I am his mom!

But LITERALLY the most exciting thing happening under the Big Top this week was these salt and pepper grinders.


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the awesomeness of hugs

I’m not much of a hugger.

Analyze that.

But true story, I’m not. Still I have learned to try to love hugs. And I do. I celebrate them.

Comforting hugs when you have had an eye-twitching, craptastic day.

Hugs that you enjoy with your Grandmom.

Hugs that you enjoy with your favorite cousin and your favorite Uncle Jesse.

Hugs you share with your favorite little brother never fail to warm your heart and make you smile because he is a hugger.

And who doesn’t love birthday hugs shared with your best friend at Disneyland?

Then there is one of the bestest hugs I have enjoyed recently which I do not have a picture of. You’ll just have to trust me that it was one of the best ever…a hug shared with one of my co-workers…a co-worker whom I always hug when I see her because that is what we do before we start a night in NICU-Land. A little more than a year ago she left the unit to fight a fierce fight. Honestly cancer picked the wrong person to fight with because after all that she has been through and all that she has to live for I knew that it wouldn’t be a fair fight. I knew that it was going to be a great night taking care of the tiny humans whom  I love so much in the NICU when I saw Brenda walk into the unit for the first time in over a year.

We hugged. We cried. We tried to fix our makeup. We laughed. We hugged some more.

I have no photo to share but I can guarantee you that it was a beautiful, wonderful picture that will last forever in my heart and my mind. If you close your eyes right now I bet that you can see it. Amazing, gorgeous! Isn’t it?

I am so unbelievably happy knowing that I can look forward to Brenda’s hugs before night shift in the NICU again.

weekend good

Not that I am bragging or anything, I am just sharing what has been good this weekend because that is so much better than me whining or bitching or moaning about what might have been bad this weekend (nothing).


Getting off night shift just in time to see the rain clouds rolling in which any night shift nurse will tell you means they will sleep well.

When a photo of your photo and how it got put on display and your name is on the front page of the paper. Added bonus is they spell your name right.

Punching more holes in the walls but not nearly as many because gallery ledges are awesome.

Bottling the Tears of Angels IPA.

Sampling this delicious treat because how can I possibly recommend Christina’s Cupcakes if I haven’t sampled them? They are damn tasty and yes, if you live in the 209 you need to order some.

At the Madden Fall Fair, I tasted a bit of The Rustic Puff handcrafted artisan marshmallows. All she had to say was to let the marshmallow melt in my coffee to enjoy the salted caramel deliciousness and I was sold.

Celebrating the first day of Fall as one does by turning on the oven and baking The Pioneer Woman’s amazing meatloaf. Thank goodness today wasn’t hotter than balls as it could be on any given Fall day here in the Central Valley.

But saving the best for last, as one almost always does, there is this.

On the left taken August 29 and on the right taken today, September 22. Yes the camera angles are all wrong and lack continuity but LOOK AT THE RULER MARKINGS!! YES, I AM SHOUTING!!! Those growing pains are real. We are loving human growth hormone therapy.

Have a great week y’all!

not missed

At work the other night I find that I have a little bit of time on my hands…

No! Goodness, no it is not that word that is the opposite of fast or busy and it isn’t that word that starts with the letter “q” either.


Nurses do not say such things out loud unless they are naive, newbies, desperate for more hours and time away from bathroom breaks, meal breaks, family time, sleep…or are eager to help move things along for a patient who might have been  maybe laboring all day.

Don’t say those words out loud.


Trust me in my unit we have plenty to keep us occupied and working hard…very hard…all the time. But the other night I found time on my hands…down time…and with down time we try to catch up. I chose to stock supplies; supplies that when I am slammed with patient care find that I do not have close at hand to help me deliver the kind of patient care that I expect to deliver….

EKG leads…feeding tubes…syringes…kleenex…lancets…heel warmers…gloves…IV tubing…baby wipes…diapers…4x4s…and on and on and on.

I pulled these things (and more) from the stock room with the intent that the next time we get slammed, when I am there, these things will be right where I expect them to be when I need them.

I can be very selfish when I am stocking the patient care areas that I am working in. Then again, I do it for my tiny patients too.

You are welcome tiny patients! Love you beautiful babies!!

So while gathering feeding supplies for gavage feedings because I do a lot of gavage feedings on any given 12 hour shift, I came across this.

Oh you 14 French MIC-Key gastrostomy feeding tube…you were such a HUGE part of my life for such a long time…a HUGE part of my son’s life and his father’s life and his sisters’ lives…until you were replaced by a Bard gastrostomy tube that had to be surgically placed and then, years later, surgically removed. I hated you and I hated the Bard too. Then again, I valued you, grew to rely on you…a lot. It is because of you I often questioned my own ability to care for my child, to nurture him, to feed him. But at the same time I was thankful that you were there poking out of my little boy’s abdominal wall because without you how else would I be able to feed my little boy for so many years?

Oh little 14 French MIC-Key gastrostomy feeding tube, we don’t see you very often here in our NICU but you are here tucked in that drawer in the stock room where we keep all the tube feeding supplies just in case. That is indeed a good thing because what if we did need you at say 0200? There you are, in that drawer. Waiting. Ready.

I close the drawer which you are stored in and sigh. No one needs you tonight or any time soon. Thank goodness. I don’t miss seeing you little 14 French MIC-Key gastrostomy feeding tube. I don’t miss you at all.

fighting to get up

I am so not a morning person. Surprised much? Well, considering that most of my career as a nurse has been as Vampira the Night Shift Nurse, one should not be too surprised.

But lately I find myself struggling just to get up even more than usual. Oh, who am I kidding? It has been hard to get out of bed pretty much every day the last few weeks…months…perhaps years…a couple? Depression sucks, doesn’t it? It sucks a lot.

Here’s where I confess that this truth scares me. It scares me a whole lot. Growing up with a parent living with Bipolar Disorder I have seen how it can be at its very worst…and even worse than that. The mania was often scary, very scary, but nothing scared me more than when she would not get up…not even move.  I think the hardest thing for me to forgive was when she would not get up…would not even try…no matter how badly my brothers, sister and myself needed her to. That’s why I try so very hard to force myself to get up no matter how badly I just want to pull the covers up over my head and pretend that there is no reason to get up, no world out there that I must live in.

But there is.

There are quite a few reasons that I must get up. I can think of at least eight…eight wonderful reasons.

Yeah, lately it has been really hard to get up in the morning…or in the afternoon when I am working nights. Still I fight. I fight hard, so very hard to get up. And I am thankful for the eight reasons I have to do just that…so very thankful.