making our own choices


My darling daughter #3 is not feeling well. Big surprise because out of all my circus clowns she has always seemed to be the sickliest one…even sicker than her once considered “medically fragile” little brother or sicker than the sister that walked around with mono for weeks unbeknownst to us all because she was just feeling a little run down. No, darling Abigael seems to be vulnerable to every freakin’ bug out there during colds and flu season. Poor thing! Thankfully, because of her once “medically fragile” little brother, this circus act is pretty good in prevention…hand-washing people, it really works.

But back to Abby not feeling well…she has been complaining of what is very likely strep so I suggested she get herself over to the doctor to get it checked and if it is strep get on some amoxicillin. She is 18 so she can do this all by herself…dang HIPAA spoils all my hovering mothering! Actually I am pretty confident in my adult child accessing her own medical care and making decisions. I have tried to bring these clowns up that way to be active participants in their own health care because Mommy Dearest can’t always be there. So yes, I am confident in my grown-up children being advocates for their own healthcare and being more than capable to make the right decisions for themselves when presented with all the information and education.

But it seems lately a lot of states’ governing bodies like Virginia, Alabama, Kansas, Missouri, Arizona and others, politicians on all levels, pundits and anyone with a political blog out there seems to be better capable at making health-care related decisions for my adult daughters than they might be. No, I’m not talking about treating strep throat or getting new glasses but their reproductive health. It would seem that some out there are more qualified to make those kind of decisions for women. Yes, they loudly proclaim it is not about sex or pregnancy prevention or even other matters of female reproductive health, it is about religious freedom and morality.

Um, sure.

Honestly, it is none of my business what decisions my adult age daughters make about their reproductive health…HIPAA tells me so…so why is it anyone else’s business, especially politicians and pundits?? Personally I am proud that my girls are active in making choices like that. They were listening when we would talk about health care, sex and all that stuff. Good job girls! Mommy Dearest is so proud of you!

When Holly came to me more than four years ago to tell me that she was pregnant and alone because Baby Daddy then wanted no part of her problem, I promised her that whatever her choice was, we were there with her. I found myself back then having to remind Baby Daddy of that fact as well. Whether he liked it or not…whether I was ready to be a Mi-ma or not, it was Holly’s choice. I meant it…even if then I declared myself to be pro-life. I have always considered myself to be just that. But when faced with the results of my daughter’s involvement with Baby Daddy then, I realized that it wasn’t my choice…not at all…not ever. As it turned out, Holly, like me, personally would not consider termination as an option for herself…and I am so glad because Hazel is awesome. Still, I meant what I said then to my daughter. No matter what, I was there with her because she is always my baby girl. So yeah, it turns out that I am pro-choice because I trust my girls to make the right choices for themselves.

A few years before my becoming a Mi-ma before I was ready, I cared for a beautiful baby girl born to a dear friend of mine. Her sweet baby was born with Trisomy 18 (just like Rick Santorum’s daughter). Most with Trisomy 18 do not survive pregnancy or birth and those that do usually only live for a few hours or days. The Santorums’ little girl is one of the rare exceptions. My friend found out during the pregnancy the condition of her daughter and she made the choice to continue with the pregnancy because, it was her choice. When presented with all the medical facts, she was more than capable to make the right decision for herself and her family. Of course it isn’t necessarily the right choice for others, as some vocalized then. Still it was her choice and it was the right choice for her. Baby L. lived for six weeks at home with her mommy and daddy before she passed away in her mother’s arms. Yes, her death was very painful but I have no doubt that her family loved her, treasured her and was so happy to enjoy their time with her. That was very evident at her memorial service.

I have to say I am not sure if I would have made the same choice as my friend did if I found myself in the same situation. I guess it is my experiences over the years as a NICU nurse that might shape my feelings. Still, I support my friend in making the right choice for herself. She was more than capable to make it when presented with all the medical information.

It seriously disturbs me that some out there want to make women’s reproductive health THE issue of this election year because women’s access to quality reproductive health care IS the biggest concern right now. Funny, but I’m more worried about the crazy increase in what it costs to fill the gas tank of the mom-car. I seriously stress over our finances, paying a higher percentage in taxes than Mitt, Rick, Newt and the rest of the 1% who clearly have worked harder than I ever have. I worry about why the hell are we STILL in Afghanistan and what we are doing over there.

Seriously, to those politician and pundits out there, back up and re-focus. The decisions my daughters and people like my friend and Mrs. Santorum make about their reproductive health, their pregnancies and their families is not any of our business. What they choose does not interfere with my own religious beliefs or moral code…

Not.

At.

All.

So stop, change your view and focus on what is really important to women who vote like myself and my daughters because we do vote. Yes, just like our health care choices, we are more than capable of deciding how we will vote based on what is important to us right now.