certified

Again

For the last 24 years, every two years, I am re-certified to provide Basic Life Support as a Healthcare Provider. So yes, I still know how to save a life.

You’re welcome!

Would you believe that I have never used the CPR skills that I have learned and re-learned? True. I guess I’m too busy catching sick and tiny babies and saving their lives with my NRP skills, which must also be tested and renewed every two years as well. But if I had to perfom CPR I could…and I have the certification to prove it.

This year’s re-certification was different than it has been the last twelve times I have done it. This time around I was proctored by the manikin. A little awkward…a little weird…a lot distracting. I mean here I am trying to count chest compressions out loud because we’re supposed to and the manikin’s computer generated voice is providing feedback at the same time.

“Dude, I’m trying to count!”, I think to myself.

But the manikin continues to talk to me.

“Faster!”

“Deeper!”

“Not so deep!”

“Slower!”

“That’s good! Very good!”

“You’re doing a great job!”

Any moment, I swear I expected the manikin to scream with orgasmic pleasure…or perhaps ask me if it was good for me too as he lit up a cigarette…which is probably why he needed CPR in the first place.

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