fighting to get up

I am so not a morning person. Surprised much? Well, considering that most of my career as a nurse has been as Vampira the Night Shift Nurse, one should not be too surprised.

But lately I find myself struggling just to get up even more than usual. Oh, who am I kidding? It has been hard to get out of bed pretty much every day the last few weeks…months…perhaps years…a couple? Depression sucks, doesn’t it? It sucks a lot.

Here’s where I confess that this truth scares me. It scares me a whole lot. Growing up with a parent living with Bipolar Disorder I have seen how it can be at its very worst…and even worse than that. The mania was often scary, very scary, but nothing scared me more than when she would not get up…not even move.  I think the hardest thing for me to forgive was when she would not get up…would not even try…no matter how badly my brothers, sister and myself needed her to. That’s why I try so very hard to force myself to get up no matter how badly I just want to pull the covers up over my head and pretend that there is no reason to get up, no world out there that I must live in.

But there is.

There are quite a few reasons that I must get up. I can think of at least eight…eight wonderful reasons.

Yeah, lately it has been really hard to get up in the morning…or in the afternoon when I am working nights. Still I fight. I fight hard, so very hard to get up. And I am thankful for the eight reasons I have to do just that…so very thankful.

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5 thoughts on “fighting to get up

  1. It can be like mining coal. Someone said to me that people on antidepressants are “afraid of life” and want to have a “smiley-smiley face.” I tore her a new one.

  2. Oh Laura, I understand how you feel. And it seems like when things are the busiest are the times when it’s hardest to get up. The more going on, the more I want to hide in bed and forget the world. I’ve been having similar struggles with letting things fall to the side that I really should be responding to, attending to, etc.

    I like your reasoning for why you must keep getting up each day. But you’ve got far more than 8 reasons – you’ve got a lot of us who would miss seeing you (even online), so keep fighting. Big hugs to you.

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