before the wind and rains and fog and tears

Christmas was good.

It was very good.

It’s been what seems like a long while since we had a Christmas where wishes came true. I wanted that. I wanted that more than anything because, well, I want to feel happy. And I want my circus to feel happy too. Yes, I know that happiness is not found in things. They know that too. But they also know that happiness is hard to find when weighed down with mom’s anxiety and depression.

It is seriously a heavy anchor that weighs the entire circus down. So mommy guilt kicked into high gear this Christmas with the hopes of making some wishes come true.


The laughter, the smiles, the hugs, the dancing around the Big Top was so wonderful. I wish, I hope and I pray that when my darling family looks back on this day this is what they remember well.

Forget mom’s emotional breakdown that ended the day.


I love you all.