not missed

At work the other night I find that I have a little bit of time on my hands…

No! Goodness, no it is not that word that is the opposite of fast or busy and it isn’t that word that starts with the letter “q” either.


Nurses do not say such things out loud unless they are naive, newbies, desperate for more hours and time away from bathroom breaks, meal breaks, family time, sleep…or are eager to help move things along for a patient who might have been  maybe laboring all day.

Don’t say those words out loud.


Trust me in my unit we have plenty to keep us occupied and working hard…very hard…all the time. But the other night I found time on my hands…down time…and with down time we try to catch up. I chose to stock supplies; supplies that when I am slammed with patient care find that I do not have close at hand to help me deliver the kind of patient care that I expect to deliver….

EKG leads…feeding tubes…syringes…kleenex…lancets…heel warmers…gloves…IV tubing…baby wipes…diapers…4x4s…and on and on and on.

I pulled these things (and more) from the stock room with the intent that the next time we get slammed, when I am there, these things will be right where I expect them to be when I need them.

I can be very selfish when I am stocking the patient care areas that I am working in. Then again, I do it for my tiny patients too.

You are welcome tiny patients! Love you beautiful babies!!

So while gathering feeding supplies for gavage feedings because I do a lot of gavage feedings on any given 12 hour shift, I came across this.

Oh you 14 French MIC-Key gastrostomy feeding tube…you were such a HUGE part of my life for such a long time…a HUGE part of my son’s life and his father’s life and his sisters’ lives…until you were replaced by a Bard gastrostomy tube that had to be surgically placed and then, years later, surgically removed. I hated you and I hated the Bard too. Then again, I valued you, grew to rely on you…a lot. It is because of you I often questioned my own ability to care for my child, to nurture him, to feed him. But at the same time I was thankful that you were there poking out of my little boy’s abdominal wall because without you how else would I be able to feed my little boy for so many years?

Oh little 14 French MIC-Key gastrostomy feeding tube, we don’t see you very often here in our NICU but you are here tucked in that drawer in the stock room where we keep all the tube feeding supplies just in case. That is indeed a good thing because what if we did need you at say 0200? There you are, in that drawer. Waiting. Ready.

I close the drawer which you are stored in and sigh. No one needs you tonight or any time soon. Thank goodness. I don’t miss seeing you little 14 French MIC-Key gastrostomy feeding tube. I don’t miss you at all.


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