all these little things

Home from Ocean City, Maryland, I have been enjoying everyday since Sunday an iced coffee from Starbucks because there was not a single blessed Starbucks in Ocean City. There are many Dunkin Donuts and a place called the Coffee Beanery but they just weren’t the same.

No, really. They definitely were not the same.

So now home at last under the Big Top, I am enjoying a proper non-fat (which is the same thing as skim) iced white mocha and giving thanks.

It’s the little things, you know.

Back in the day when Zoë was but a newborn baby not quite a week old and Hollie was a 6 year old who teetered between being a proud big sister and wishing we could send that baby back, a friend from the church we attended then called me up asking for Hollie for a play day with her son. Hollie and Daniel (yes, his name was Daniel) need a playdate she told me when she picked up Hollie for the day. So while Hollie and her friend, Daniel enjoyed a day of play, I negotiated the balancing of caring for my days old second born with my own self-care, laundry, meal-planning and negotiating sitting on my still black and blue, swollen bottom (hurray for a precipitous vaginal delivery!). At days end, Danielle returned Hollie, along with a meal for the next day’s dinner. As I thanked her over and over again, she brushed it aside sharing her own experience as a brand new mother of two and how overwhelmed she felt when her husband returned to work…even more overwhelmed than after the birth of her first baby. Everyone is there to help with your first, which is wonderful, she continued. But it seemed to her that she was supposed to handle the caring for two small humans after recovering from birthing one of them. Such a small gesture that was probably the BEST baby gift I received to celebrate Zoë…and I received some pretty amazing, generous gifts. But having another mommy, just like me, taking the time to reassure me that my feelings of overwhelming inadequacy was normal and that she was there for me meant so much more.

It’s the little things, you know.

Over the years, as a busy, juggling mother, I have enjoyed very few close relationships with mothers just like me. I just never fit in well with the Bible Study moms, the playground moms, the PTA moms, La Leche League moms, soccer moms, cheer moms and so on. Experience, like that time when that mom prayed her prayer of thanksgiving out loud that she wasn’t me, has taught me for my own sanity and in order to protect my own tender heart, I was better off just keeping it casual. It’s better to be the last person any of them would think of asking out for coffee or including in a girls’ night out than to be hurt…again and again and again and again…

Still what I wouldn’t give to be a part of a circle of girlfriends where I am included in coffee dates or girls’ nights out.

It’s the little things, you know.

If I was I imagine that I would belong and I could laugh and giggle and cry and…when I was having a particularly bad day being a mom, feeling like the worst mom ever, I could trust someone would maybe give me a hug or tell me to hang in there or maybe even ask me if I would like to meet for coffee. Because when you are having a particular bad day being a mother, that is exactly the kind of encouragement you need.

It’s the little things, you know…all these little things.

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4 thoughts on “all these little things

  1. I wish I lived closer. You sound SO much like me. We’d be BFFs in no time. 😀 Except I don’t do coffee. Can you forgive me? I can do green tea, in a pinch!

  2. You’d fit right in with my family. We love quirky!
    But seriously. I think one of the major realizations for people who are creative/gifted/quirky is that you are different from most other people. You can go looking for other people who are different, but their idiosyncrasies are likely to be the opposite of yours. Or you can just be happy with your own company and the company of your family. Although I wouldn’t give up looking for one special friend. I think it’s “friends” in a group that tend to hand out the heartache.

  3. You sound like me, i just never felt like i fit in anywhere? Until I met my red hat friends.
    I will have coffee with you anytime, just say the day, but I don’t care much for Starbucks! 🙂

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