That moment where you learn that someone whom you cared for, admired, worked along side with, laughed with, scrapbooked with, shared meals with is gone…followed by that moment where you learn that someone was murdered…followed by the memorial where you cry and laugh and hug and offer your hand and words of comfort and encouragement to their family, to your friends and colleagues…to that moment today where you learn that their child is the one arrested and charged with that someone’s murder…
It’s been a couple of weeks of being punched repeatedly in the gut and it is so hard, so brutally hard to get your head back into that which you must do every day. You yearn for just one good night’s sleep that isn’t broken by nightmares or tears or fears or nausea and you wonder when will life resume.
When will it be back to juggling as usual?
Life does go on regardless. It is all around me evident in more small moments…small moments that seem to anchor me as I try to make my way through this new life process. I mean, how is one supposed to behave in grief over the loss of someone in their life when that some one was murdered? Is their a guidebook for such a life event? I wish that there was. I wish even more so that I wasn’t wishing to possess such a how-to guide.
In the meantime, I will continue to cling to the small moments in my own circus life. I will give thanks for them. I will continue to try and capture them and hold onto them tightly for they are that which is grounding me right now and reminding me that I need to keep my head and my heart in this life, my life.
small moments helped this past week. #gratitude
Back on it! #homework #spelling #blue
Homework mostly done (math after dinner with dad) so time to play. #5thgradelife #ipod
#breakfast with Dr Bumatay. Checkup time!
Running away to the circus with these clowns! #ringlingbros #builttoamaze #animalopenhouse #allaccess #adventure #smile
Thankful that I gifted my darling hubs with a Keurig so I can make a delicious caffeine treat before work #guiltypleasure #nocshiftnurseprobs #coffee #iced
Night off from work so I get to creep on Jodie’s senior photo shoot part 2 #treat #SandraRosePhotography #classof2014 #mamarazzi #tap #dancemom
When will things be back to normal I wonder…how can things ever be back to normal? Perhaps it is best to focus on the small moments every day. That is exactly what I will continue to do. Good days, bad days, brutally painful days, fabulous days…all these days are filled with little things, little moments that when we stop to notice remind us that we are loved and life is good. It is these small moments that keep us going even when we imagine that we just can not. Through it all, I am looking forward to the small moments in my life this week. I hope that you are too.
Thank you all for your kindness, your prayers and words of comfort and for sharing small moments.
Little things seem nothing, but they give peace, like those meadow flowers which individually seem odorless but all together perfume the air.