ownership

Working this week on me being the sole proprietor of my thoughts, my memories, my words, my opinions with my therapist has been hard. A lifetime of being told these are not mine, not real, not true, not worthy of being shared takes it toll. It’s one of the reason why I stopped writing decades ago, much to the disappointment of a high school writing teacher who just recently reconnected via Facebook upon discovering that after high school I stopped writing altogether. I did stop, until I started blogging more than ten years ago. First in secret. Then with a faceless audience who seemed to like the words and thoughts I put out there. Then it grew and grew as did the audience some who know me very well and some who like to imagine that they know me even better than I know me and now, well sometimes it’s hard again. Most times I ignore it all as I remind myself that I am a grown-assed, accomplished woman with real thoughts and opinions and memories that have every right to be put out there with the words that I want to use. But sometimes that damn codependent-y, Golden Retriever in me comes out and, well, it’s hard.

Which is why this week we worked more on the truth that I am the owner of me. And as I reinforced this within myself I received this:

I’ve promised the one who shared this that Brad Pitt will be cast to portray him in the movie version.

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36 thoughts on “ownership

  1. YES! I let a horrible in-law completely derail my blogging because she took offense at one of my entries. I started censoring myself (always a mistake) and bottle-necked my creative flow. I am still working to get back the habit. It was excellent therapy (which I desperately need.) 😀

    • It’s always family isn’t it? I’m still working on it. This week was hard but hurray for better living through chemistry and talk therapy and the right people at the right time in the right place. Bonus if they really do look like Brad Pitt.

  2. Reblogged this on Daily (w)rite and commented:
    Writing about family. Always a dangerous topic. Someone, I don’t remember who, said that writers should write like orphans, like they have no family– that the family they belong to isn’t theirs.

    I’ve written about my family, once or twice, and the reaction of those who read it has been, “But that’s not what happened! She’s twisted it up! How dare she?”

    What they don’t realize is writing is its own truth– each story has its truth, and it has no relationship to facts, and what are facts, after all. Things happen, and depending on who saw them happen, you have different perspectives.

    History is littered with perspectives, mostly those of the winners. I write sometimes from the loser’s perspective, from the point of view of ‘wrong’ (what’s right or wrong, anyway? who decides what’s right?).

    I read this post today, and I’m reblogging it because it gives a perspective different from mine — You own everything that happened to you.

    To me, I own nothing, from the clothes on my back to the stories I write– one day all of this would be ashes and dust, and not even a memory of me would remain.

      • Words to remember – I am the owner of me. Thank you and thanks to your friend whose words I will also remember – writer should write like orphans. I have nothing to fear, my family will not read what I write – which annoyed me, but maybe its not so bad….

    • Thanks for re-blogging this. I love the note – it really cracked me up. But you’re right, each story does have its own truth.

    • I encouraged family members to read my blog and have some regrets because I find that I am censoring myself. Now I realize the benefits of anonymity.

  3. We all have different perspectives, which is why children within the same family sometimes have different memories about the same event. Telling someone (or insinuating) that someone is not telling the “truth” simply because they’re not telling the story from their perspective strikes me as a bit narcissistic, as though no one else’s memories matters but theirs. Everyone has a right to tell their story from their own perspective. Any other way would be telling someone else’s story. Yes, we own everything that has happened to us.

  4. May I share this thought, a long time ago my educator in college said ” It is hard being a writer and telling the truth” What he did not say, It is hard surviving doing what you love to do. Do Your Thing!!

  5. Just like religion and politics make a deadly combination, so do relations and the passion of a writer to express her/his innermost thoughts. I try my best not to mix the two. Yes, those who are close to me can sometime figure out the connection!

  6. Woah that was so pertinent to how I feel about my writing.

    Your writing is awesome and I’m glad for whatever reason that you started writing again. A skill with words, as yours is, should never be lost.
    Please don’t allow folk that put you down influence your believe in your value or your ability as a writer.

    My ex wife told me for twenty one years that wanting to write meant I was gay. Now some 16 year after this I am writing a blog where no one knows me. I have no interest in becoming viewed by lots of folk. Its a place where I can write and put my feelings and emotions in words for me.

    Please remember if folk wanted written about in a positive way they should have acted in a positive way to start with.

  7. I’ve just seen this reblogged on Daily (w)rite and I have to reblog it myself. I’m pretty new to the blogging world and this quite just encapsulates a lot of what I’ve been worrying about. Thank you.

  8. This is an encouragement to me as I have yet to write about an experience I had at 16 that changed my life for the worst for many years, and even though I dealt with it years ago in counseling, I still have not actually written about it yet. It is one of the things that is coming soon in the autobiography I’ve been working on, but when I realized that, I stopped writing for the last several months.

  9. I read this post on Damyanti’s blog. I really like the quote – “if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they shoul’ve behaved better”! I’ve written some things which I will not share with the public for now, for I’m sure some will say, it’s about so and so. Keep on writing!

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  11. Reblogged this on Chooseday and commented:
    I love this. It really resonates with writing. Looking over your shoulder constantly wandering who is going to take offense should not be a concern. Being a writer one has freedom to express as one wishes. We can however choose to be sensitive in the way we portray certain events or experiences but if truth is detrimental to the piece then taking away from it would be literary crime. Thanks for that. I have been far too conscious in previous writing, your post gives me a necessary boost!

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  13. For me, people have told me they are able to tell if I’m am doing good in life or undergoing turmoil because it’s apparently reflective in my writing. I write based through emotion, very much in the moment. The artist must create while the ardent desire exist within, it at times is as fleeting as the wind…one does not know when and if it shall return. I’ll post the exact quote from Van Gogh once I locate it. As for writing about family, I normally don’t, unless the topic is related. I like to keep family private. And although it may be private its still reflective in my writing. Thanks for post ‘Ownership’.

  14. I prefer to hide behind a mask while I write about my own memories to avoid any hard feelings. But may be one day I will grew up to publish my stories under my own name.

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