For the last two years I have chosen a word for the year. It’s so much easier than resolutions, which I never did any way because…why? Three weeks later they are just going to be broken and then comes the guilt, the shame and the self-loathing.
I am already too good at that having perfected it for the last 50+ years.
No resolutions for me. Not ever.
Focusing on one word to sum up who I want to be and how I want to live this year is what I choose instead.
And for 2015?
I thought about it as I began to write down The Big Top calendar. As usual, the days of the month filled up quickly with work schedules, a couple doctor appointments, birthdays, meetings, holiday plans, parties, classes, practices and half marathon training.
Already it promises to be a busy month because even as the kids have grown up what else would I be doing but juggling?
It’s very easy to become overwhelmed as one imagines that there isn’t enough hours in the day while looking at that calendar.
I look at my coffee mug and smirk thinking that yes, I’m just going to have to deal with it.
When it comes to this year I just need to hitch up my big girl panties and just get stuff done.
Without fear of failure.
This last year, with a big gulp and a swallow, I began to try to learn and understand just who I am. With a lot of help, I am learning how to be content that I am enough for me and me alone. I’m not perfect and I never will be but I am enough. Enough to take on the hard things, and be okay if everything doesn’t fall into place as planned. It will be okay to not have everything figured out. It will be okay because I am going to just deal with it. I am going to remind myself (often I imagine) that you don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens. Sometimes you just need to deal.
In 2015 there will be good days, bad days and ugly days. And with a little luck, hopefully there will be some great days too. Each day I will face and I will deal with it, as I always do. But this year I will deal with intention.