a dandelion puff

I was a dandelion puff…Some saw the beauty in me and stooped quietly to admire my innocence. Others saw the potential of what I could do for them, so they uprooted me, seeking to shape me around their needs. They blew at my head, scattering my hair from the roots, changing me to suit them. Yet still others saw me as something that was unworthy and needed to be erased.”
― Nicole Bailey-Williams

Look at my backyard right now.

Some see weeds. Fallon sees wishes…wonderful, magical wishes as far as the eye can see. I see a backyard lawn that needs to be mown. I also see itchy eyes and sneezing and me doubling up on Zyrtec. But, yeah, I see me, a dandelion puff. not unlike Nicole Bailey-Williams’ Song Byrd.

Truthfully, I didn’t think much about me, the dandelion puff, as I looked out my kitchen window until I saw this:

And then the words Lady Gaga shared when she posted this picture.

I never thought anyone would ever love me because I felt my body was ruined by my abuser. But he loves the survivor in me…

After trauma that steals and destroys so much of you, it’s easy to believe in your unworthiness; easy to allow others blowing at your head to shape you, change you, direct you to just get over it, damaging you even more…making you see yourself as all the more unloveable, acceptable, unworthy.

Till it happens to you, you won’t know, it won’t be real.

Like Gaga, like those on stage with her last night, like so many others, I stand tall and strong, like a dandelion puff, albeit windblown, but strong as survivors are because love…unconditional love that saw that which is beautiful and strong and perfect within me.

Me, the dandelion puff.

Seeing me taking pictures of all the dandelions in our backyard, my darling husband, the one who loved damaged me for me, mowed the lawn. One might imagine after my brief, emotional moment of clarity that I would be upset that he mowed down all the dandelion puffs but I’m not. They’ll be back standing tall and proud…as survivors do.

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