walking and chewing gum at the same time is hard

It is no secret to those who know me very well that I am clumsy. Grace is most definitely not my middle name.  I literally can NOT walk and chew gum at the same time. Never mind that I hate chewing gum period. I also am unable to pat my head and rub my belly at the same time. Sesame Street long ago revealed that personal shame to me. Thanks Gordon, Big Bird and the rest of Sesame Street!

Yes, I am a klutz. So it would come to no surprise to those who know me and love me best that I would manage to stub my toe in the most spectacular fashion. After all, I am the same girl who shattered her radius and ulna while mopping a floor.

Go big or go home!

But yes, last month I stubbed my pinky toe and to make it all the more fun, I also sliced off a 5 mm thick piece of the underside and inner portion of that pinky toe. Don’t ask me how. Even I don’t know. But I certainly was not surprised because it’s me. The challenge that followed the next few days was stopping the bleeding, the oozing and the potential for infection because it is my pinky toe. Never doubt how important that tiny fifth toe is.

It eventually did stop bleeding but soon began to look rather suspect. Of course I imagined the worst possible scenario with flesh eating bacteria and all that fun and games when I went to my doctor. When your doctor cringes and hisses at the sight of your latest injury you know it’s bad…but not nearly as bad as I imagined. No amputation for me…thank god! Epsom salt soaks, bacitracin, socks, shoes and some antibiotics along with the shaking of his head and clucking of his tongue as he dictated this particular visit into my chart. And, after a few weeks, I’m now all better and ready for the next clumsy moment.

Of course our insurance needs to better understand this injury and doctor’s office visit as they do with anything that is not a cold or flu or well check or follow-up status post STEMI. They need to understand the nature of the injury…the how did it happen…did it happen at work or perhaps in a public place…or did someone cause this injury who could possibly pay for the urgent care office visit. All this and more was asked of me in a little, two-paged questionnaire that they sent to me. Be as detailed as possible they instruct me. 

Heh!

It happened at home. I was walking and I stubbed my toe.

I was not at work. I was at home.

I was not at a public place (THANK GOD!), I was at home.

No one caused this accident to happen or did this to me on purpose. I did it all by myself. 

I managed to stub my toe simply by walking and because this is me I had to do it in the most spectacular fashion effectively removing a large chunk of my pinky toe because I am wonderfully clumsy me. But hey insurance claims person, it’s a good thing that I did go see my doctor for an urgent care visit after it started looking purple and oozing bloody pus because it ended up being so much better for me and for you that it wasn’t some crazy flesh eating bacteria getting into that wound that might need all kinds of crazy, expensive interventions like IV antibiotics and hospitalizations and amputation and physical therapy. Lucky for us both that I still have my now skinnier pinky toe and you only have an $134 urgent office visit to pay for. Hurray, hurray!

I am going to imagine that the claims office of our health insurance is thoroughly entertained with my answers to their questionnaire…and so happy that they asked for more details about my stubbed and sliced toe.

No pictures to share here…I might have already over-shared that with my health-allied friends on social media because of my imaginings of gangrenous infections taking over my body. Nobody needs to see that yuck ever again. Instead, because it is apparently National Puppy Day, I will share with you all the shenanigans and adorableness that is Jodie at Sigma Pi’s Paws for a Cause yesterday.

Unlike her mommy dearest, Jodie is not clumsy at all…which is a very good thing since her middle name is indeed Grace.

 

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