clouds, love, life and other illusions I really don’t know

Ever have that feeling of complete panicky, chest crushing, I can’t breathe anxiety after agreeing to a big life decision? It’s all the more fun when you are all alone so that you can literally spiral into an out of control panic attack. Okay, not really alone because there is the dog, who currently is suffering from her own panic attack after today’s thunderstorm.

Don’t mind us two bitches while we freak out here.

We’ll be okay.

I think.

At least the rain and hail and thunder and lightning has stopped.

And the clouds…

Somehow staring at the clouds settles and calms me. I’m going to be okay, I tell myself while taking in the bright, fluffiness that was moments earlier black and scary like the anxious thoughts that raced through my mind and crushed my chest and stifled my breaths. It’s going to be okay, I tell myself.

Now to tell my darling husband. Uh-oh…here comes the anxiety again!

Clouds…look at the clouds.


The dog? The dog needed her Thundershirttime in her crate and definitely some time with Bill when he came home from work. Yeah, me too…time with the husband is what I need. And like the clouds, he reassures me that my unease over this big life decision is not wrong. He trusts. He believes. It will be okay he promises. It will.


I don’t know how, what, why or where; but I do know that today I will be okay.


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