thirty years in the making

Thirty years ago, I embarked an adventure. I was fearful of the changes that were to come, but I was more anxious believing all the declarations that there would be nothing but pain that would take me into this adventure; and that there was literally nothing that I could do about it.

Accept it, they told me. Submit to it, I was advised. Wisdom passed down to me by those who had been there and done that…and who shaped me into the person who believed that I had no strength, no power in anything.

And then, Hollie was born. Thirty years ago.

Thirty years ago, I began to see some of my deepest fears about myself and realized that I was so much stronger than them.

Birth is the sudden opening of a window, through which you look out upon a stupendous prospect. For what has happened? A miracle. You have exchanged nothing for the possibility of everything.

– William Macneile Dixon

From my nothing, or at least the nothing I was raised to believe to be true about myself came the possibility of everything. Thirty years ago today, it all began.

Thirty years ago today, it all began with her.

Here again I literally gasp out loud finding it hard to believe that I am the part of someone so beautiful in all the ways…in spite of the million mistakes I have made along the way of this adventure. But I am.

Thirty years ago began the adventure.

Happy birthday my dear, darling daughter. Thanks for making me Mom.

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