We sit together, her thoughtfully nibbling on a plate of Oreo cookies and sipping chocolate milk from one of my favorite mugs.
Is this your cup, Mima?
Yes, it is.
What’s that? :::points at the stethoscope:::
It’s a stethoscope. I use it when I am at work taking care of tiny, sick babies.
That’s cuz you’re a nurse!
Well at least she gets that.
That’s right! Perhaps someday, when you grow up, you can be a nurse too and I will give you my stethoscope.
Hmmm… :::takes another sip of chocolate milk::: Nah!
:::shakes her head no:::
Well, okay then. Perhaps there won’t be another nurse in the next generation of this circus.
At least not yet.
I remain ever hopeful.
You’re going to be there when a lot of people are born, and when a lot of people die. In most every culture, such moments are regarded as sacred and private, made special by a divine presence. No one on Earth would be welcomed, but you’re personally invited. What an honor that is. -Thom Dick
Three walks to the park around the corner.
Five new friends made on the playground during the third trip to the park What are their names? Don’t know…but they are her friends.
Twenty thousand tears bitterly and loudly shed walking home from the park at sunset because how can Mima and Papa-Papa possibly force her to abandon her five friends, the five friends whose names she does not know.
Eight neighbors who witnessed the twenty thousand tears loudly shed and who now know for sure that we are the absolute worst people.
Ten more minutes please in the bathtub because bubble baths are fun.
Six oreo cookies for bedtime snack.
Two cups of milk with our bedtime snack because one is not enough.
One story read because track and field Olympic races are boring.
Count is lost with the number of questions and trips to the bathroom and just one more kiss and bear hug, please and why can’t I have more milk and…and…and…and…
At last! At last literally just before the midnight hour…
…she sleeps. She sleeps in her own bed that we made for her. For now.
And I realize just how lucky and spoiled I was with my own five.
Good night Fallon!
Text received this morning asks, “How’s my baby?”
Oh, you know…
She’s good and The Big Top has never been cleaner..
Oh, and she misses you all, Mommy, Daddy and big sister.
A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven’t. Most don’t mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn’t happened, so people imagine a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had. But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she’ll know.
— Barbara Kingsolver
Much has been happening in the lives of my circus act this week. Much to celebrate and give thanks for…sending children off to school…new jobs…college life…marriages to celebrate…milestones achieved…all good and wonderful things for which we all celebrate and are thankful for. Yet all the good, so much good, is tempered right now with our hearts bruised and aching as we hold one of ours in this moment.
Yes, it’s like the wind has been knocked out of us because so many wishes, hopes and dreams are attached to this brand new life.
Miscarriage, yes, is a natural and common event. It doesn’t make it any easier to get over even if that is what might be the expectation. An acquaintance said recently how awkward they feel comforting someone who needs comfort; which I guess is supposed to make it okay to not even try. I countered that perhaps literally looking someone you know and care about in the eye and say to them “I’m sorry” is really all that is needed because no matter how awkward you feel, trust me, their pain is so much more. In the end as they heal, they will remember who cared to say that…and who awkwardly said or did nothing.
I’m sorry is simply all that is needed…add a hug, even better…a casserole for extra points.
In all seriousness, it hurts. I know it hurts my child more than it hurts me right now but it hurts still. It’s a hurt I can’t kiss away for her. It’s a loss that reminds me of my own years and years ago…the three of them would be 31 and 26 years old today
For my daughter and son in law, I am so sorry, so very sorry.
My social media timeline today reminds me that it is a big day in the life of many people I know because,
yes, Back to School season continues. This time today with these two.
You heard me!
BOTH of these girls.
BOTH OF THEM!
I look at this 8 year old before she enters into her third grade classroom thinking how can she possibly look so much more mature than an 8 year old…I mean I certainly did not look this confident and self assured and all I choose to remember of my own 3rd graders was how they were all elbows and knees with a smudge of dirt or breakfast on their chin that somehow missed my inspection on the first day of school. How could Hollie and Ben possibly allow this little girl to grow up so fast?
The only positive thing I can say might be hurray for a November birthday and the state law of 5 years old by September 1st because, you guys!!!
Time is passing faster and faster y’all. I can’t make it stop. I’m just going to hold on as tight as I can while I can.
Happy school year my darling grand girls! Mima loves you with all her hearts!
The most beautiful moments always seemed to accelerate and slip beyond one’s grasp just when you want to hold onto them for as long as possible.
E. A. Bucchianeri