and even though I know how very far apart we are

There is really nothing like a lazy Saturday afternoon waning into evening and the dinner hour.

Simply the best.

But even better…

Jodie soon sent me a snap from Arizona.

Miles and miles separate us and yet moments like this help to know we are together, watching The Notebook underneath the same great big sky.

Are you hearing Linda Rondstadt and James Ingram now? You should be. I know I am. Don’t worry, I’m a giver. Here you go.

I miss that girl of mine.

It’s great that they grow up and go on to make great adventures all their very own but I still miss them. Another one will soon be moving – and ocean away no less – and while I am proud and excited and worried (because I am a mom and it is my job to worry dammit) I am at this moment not looking forward to the end of September, when she will really be an ocean away. At least we shall have lazy days binge watching at the same time on lazy Saturday afternoons favorite movies and television series and snapchat to share those moments together underneath the same big sky.

still a bad mother

You know that moment when you are done for the day and you are like REALLY done because you have TAKEN OFF THE BRA.

Okay, perhaps you don’t understand that.

Sorry guys. You will never understand what true freedom is, I guess.

But, after a long, triple digits hot, day, I am at last enjoying that kind of freedom and I am not going anywhere. Not tonight. Sorry kids, not even to help you kill that horrible spider.

I love my girls. I know that terror too well. But no. I took my bra off. I’m in for the night.

I’ll call for search and rescue in the morning if they don’t answer back.

#PrayForAbbyAndMaci

 

 

her day

It’s the day after Democalypse 2016 and like literally everyone else, I have way too many feelings going on…not good feelings…feelings that made me not want to get out of bed, like ever. But the sun does come up and the Earth still spins and my son needed to be sent off to school and, well it’s another day.

Most importantly, it is her day.

Today is all about this amazing, smart, determined, beautiful woman. My Abigael Rose is 23 years old today. It’s HER DAY!

Tomorrow can be for all the stages of grief and trying to convince myself that it’s going to be okay. It will be…I hope.

Today I’m going to eat cake with my daughter.

even more quiet uptown

Big happening changes here under The Big Top.

These two, who literally did not want to pause for even one moment to let me get a picture of them because, eww, Mom, it’s too hot and I am literally too gross and sweaty right now! Until I played the Mom-card where you two are literally breaking my heart with your stupid milestones just like you did when you were babies so you will pause and let me get a picture or two or more, god-dammit! So they did because I am their mom and I can get a bit crazed when I am hot in triple digit temps and over the top in emotions right now as they both are leaving this family circus…on the same day.

One is back to her studies and adventures in Arizona at ASU and the other is unlocking yet another adulting badge as she has a little place of her own that she, and her best friend call home.

As their mother, with their father, I am patting myself on the back because, YAY, in spite of us we have managed to do pretty good bringing these two babies up to be functioning adults doing pretty okay all on their own…still with some help from mom and dad. But also as their mom I am feeling pangs in my heart because it was LITERALLY just yesterday when they were babies and toddlers and I could never, ever manage but one moment all to myself with total, complete silence.

Yet here I am…right now.

And, left to my own devices, all alone in this incredibly quiet and empty Big Top, I am making some plans…

Does this make me a bad mom that I have plans for at least one empty bedroom because too soon?

Seriously, my darling third and fourth daughters, I miss your presence here already but I am so, so proud of you both for the remarkable women that you have become in spite of my mothering.

Never make a home in a place. Make a home for yourself inside your head. You’ll find what you need to furnish it – memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other things. That way it will go with you wherever you journey.

~ Tad Williams