in Dan’s real life

This week in Daniel’s (don’t call me Dan) real life, he discovers “the BEST movie trilogy ever, Mom.” Back to the Future. His personal irritation aside that October 21, 2015 brought some disappointing inaccuracies…C’mon, Mom! Hover boards. They don’t hover.” …Daniel is loving watching and re-watching the Back to the Future trilogy. Next up might possibly be this little film called Beetlejuice. Oh, and he really, really wants a DeLorean when he is old enough to drive. That can’t be too difficult what with only 6,000 remaining.

Oh Daniel!

This week in Daniel’s life, he made it crystal clear that the only one who loves his long, curly hair is his mother…oh, and his stylist, Raquel, who really did not want to cut it all off. But like any excellent stylist, her goal is to make her people sitting in her chair happy.

This makes Daniel very happy. Handsome too. Just in time for his very first Tae Kwon Do tournament.

So nervous was he. But in the end he did well.

Current status in real life: relieved and pleased.

In other news, it will be back to school to EIGHTH GRADE in THREE AND A HALF WEEKS!!! 

 

that which I can control

Talking with a friend the other day about running, I admitted that this last month I stopped, at least for now, and replaced it with the 30 Day Yoga Challenge.

But don’t you miss it? You LOVED running.

I do, I confess. But I needed the break at least for now while I regard my nearly 54 year old body that doesn’t like to do or flat out just won’t do what I want it to do anymore. In my imagination I might not ever be a cranky, crotchety, old lady but my body sure is feeling like it lately.

Ugh!

Getting older might make one bolder and wiser but it sure isn’t all fun and games…especially after getting off of a long 12 hour shift where one is holding a 10 pound patient, screaming in withdrawal pain, as you walk the floor of the unit for the majority of the shift. I know, it’s not at all as much fun or back-breaking as moving an immobile, incontinent 300 pound patient to change the bedding like my cousin tells me she was doing that same night. Still, it does a number on the body.

And after 25 days of this 30 Days Yoga Camp, I am all the more aware of all of this and more. The ridiculousness that is me trying to get into a garland pose or crow or heron or camel poses makes me all the more mindful of flexibility and strength that is there…and that is not there. The mantra yesterday, for Day 24, was I Am In Control, and, truth be told, I laughed a little as I focused on those words.

Control…

Me…

I am in control.

I certainly LIKE to be in control.

I absolutely have control issues.

I was probably born that way…or at the very least, developed control issues at a very young age.

I absolutely want to be in control.

But working on this practice through the month, and especially after this week, this not great at all week, I know that I am not, nor will I ever be in the control that I want to be…not with my mind, my body, my aching old lady joints, my family, and on and on…

This sucks, I think to myself as I flow awkwardly from triangle to warrior 1 to plank to cobra to down dog to table to child’s pose.

Trust me. So. Much. Awkward.

But settling into child’s and regulating my breathing to a much more relaxed position, I compliment myself on how much better I went through that flow than I did 20 days ago. I mean, I did not fall down…not at all.

I do have control!  Like my life, it’s not control over all the things. It never will be…just as it never has been. That’s okay, I tell myself as I eventually end in corpse pose. And before I doze off, as I sometimes do in this restorative position, I say the mantra…the revised mantra…I am not in control…and that is more than okay.

Namaste, bitches!

 

this one time at yoga camp…

Nineteen days into my 30 Day Yoga Camp and one thing I can honestly say is that I am gaining a whole new respect of what my body can do and what i can no longer do.

Folding forward, resting my elbows on the mat in between my legs straddled…barely…not really…I pause and reflect on the fact that my achy hips won’t let me really straddle and the reality that as my 54th birthday approacheth I am no longer middle aged…more like past middle aged, which means my parents really are old and yes, means that I am getting older too and this body of mine is getting older and that really kind of sucks. Then again, here I am, on the floor, legs spread wide…kind of, sort of, barely…and I am folded forward in-between them with my elbows resting easily on the mat in front of me. Not bad, I tell myself as I slowly exhale and lean even more into this pose and rest my forehead on top of my forearms. Not bad at all.

Today’s mantra was I Respect and yes, I am learning a whole new respect for me…the me that I am…right here, right now.

Oh, and, I have all kinds of respect for the me that earned this medal.

A medal earned for doing perhaps more work than this girl has done.

Definitely.

showing up

January 2016 is winding down…FINALLY! Am I the only one who felt like this was an endless month? No, it was not a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad month. It was actually an okay kind of month at least here under the Big Top. It just seemed like January was a long as a cold, dark Winter night.

Speaking of Winter…

I can neither confirm nor deny that Jodie was anywhere near the East Coast last weekend. I asked. Believe me.

But yes, January is coming to an end which, it would seem, be the PERFECT time for me to shake up my workout.  I never was a New Year, New You, New Workout or Joining a Gym kind of girl because anxiety girl hates the crowds. Still, struggling with the I’m getting older too season of my life, I am realizing that in order to maintain I need to do so much more than just run and throw some weights around occasionally; because it’s not just cardio vascular and muscular skeletal function that wanes in our middle ages…I realize that literally every single time I am crawling between ventilators, isolettes and parents kangarooing their tiny babies so I can hang IV fluids, administer meds or shut off an alarm, and then trying to get back up again. I won’t talk about the hobbled state of my back, my hips, my knees and my ankles at the end of a 12 hour shift.

So honoring my #oneword2016, I am pausing the running…kind of sort of because if I run, I run, and if I don’t, I don’t...instead I am walking more and as of last week, accepting Jodie’s challenge to get my Yoga on. Last week I discovered Adriene, whose playful humorous yoga practice is exactly what I need as I get back on the mat and accept the reality that is my ebbing flexibility and old lady joints. Five days into her New Year 30 Day Yoga Camp (while everyone else is almost done with it), I am learning to accept, create, embrace, awaken and celebrate that I am alive as I enjoy this one wild and precious life that is mine. There is more to come the next 25 days but the biggest thing I am coming to realize is not how flexible I am or, obviously, am not.

No.

The biggest thing is that I have shown up on that mat.

And that is kind of the biggest thing one can do literally in any relationship in their life whether love, friendship, work, your own self. If it’s important, if it’s valuable, you got to work with it, care for it, but first you got to show up.

Start here.

Show up.

 

I should write

I should write but…

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it’s raining and we know how everything literally SHUTS DOWN in California when it is raining.

Still, I should write…

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but I’m working on trying not to fall down whilst attempting Virabhadrasana II. Actually Warrior II isn’t so bad. It’s my creaky, older, achy joints that are the problem. Something else I can try to blame on the rain.

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I have (as always) laundry to fold…WARM, fresh out of the dryer laundry to fold before Zelda curls up on it all spreading the glitter that is cat hair ALL OVER IT because all the freshly laundered clothes are so soft and warm and purr-rect for a kitty like her to curl up in. She thinks so.

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Hollie is distracting me from writing sending me impossibly adorable pictures and videos of little ballerina girls. I should be writing but I can’t. I just can’t even!

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Plus it’s raining and my backyard is literally flooded…

I should be writing but…

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the struggle…

It’s real.