our favorite baby daddy

Ask Hazel who is Amber and she will tell you very matter of factly, “She’s my Baby Daddy.”

Because she is.

The friendship between Hollie and Amber is a friendship that binds them together in spite of life choices and directions and distance. Get a job and some of the closest bonds will loosen. Have a baby and suddenly single friends aren’t around as often. Fall in love, get married and some bonds become undone because lust and love get in the way. Move and suddenly it becomes hard to stay close, get together, stay in touch even with smart phones and social media. Weather through all this and more and the promise of best friends forever is sealed.

This is Hollie and Amber.

When Hollie needed a friend the most there was Amber. Through the pregnancy; the pregnancy alone. Yes, mom and dad and family were there but mom and dad and family can’t quite fill the soul mate void during one of the more challenging milestones in a young woman’s life. Through the labor and delivery; that likely scarred her for life witnessing her best friend screaming at her mother that this FUCKING HURTS and her mother answers back in agreement that yeah it FUCKING hurts because mom knows that it fucking hurts thank you darling daughter. At that moment when Hazel was born and her best friend became a mother, Amber was there.

After Hollie and after Hollie’s mom, Amber, who provided the kind of support Hollie needed the most during one of her more challenging times, held Hazel…and of course it was love bonded forever.

Always.

Hazel has a Father and Hazel has a great Daddy and Hazel has the best and most beautiful Baby Daddy.

We call her Hazel’s Baby Daddy because, biology aside, it’s true; and because we love her.

 

as long as there have been people

Perhaps the soundest advice for parents is: Lighten up. People have been raising children for approximately as long as there have been people.

~ George Will

They exhaust you, confound you, frustrate you, revive you, warm you and, just to keep you humble, remind you that your are much too fast becoming old as they grow up much too fast.

And it’s a good thing god made them cute.

Hazel: You know, like, people used to have phones in the old days that didn’t leave the house.

Hollie: The old days? Ouch! Hazel, some people still have those.

Hazel: But isn’t that like, soooo 90’s?

😑😑😑😑

:::stifling giggles:::

Oh take heart my darling daughter, the mother of my extraordinary, much too wise and worldly smart, grand daughter.

Just as they enchant us, they humble us every single moment that they can seize in there child-like grip…like when my own precious daughter described to me the giant, black music discs they played in 3rd grade…or had me explain what is it I mean by dial this number for me…because what is dialing a number anyway, mom?!

:::patting the spot next to me:::

Come sit next to me, here on the old mommy bench. Be sure to save the space next to you because someday…

Try not to laugh too loud when  that baton is passed.

 

forever in their eyes

Thirty years ago, I was called “Mom” for the very first time. Sitting at a family Mother’s Day brunch, feeling so beyond tired and a little nauseous (and jealous) while most everyone else around me was enjoying bottomless mimosas, someone wished a “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom” to me for the very first time. So it began while I was only about twelve weeks pregnant with my first born. I was Mom…and I would go on to always be Mom…my kids, the teachers, the doctors, the nurses, my darling husband, my kids’ friends and even my kids’ friends’ moms. There is so much more to the me that I am than me being Mom but Mom I shall forever be because of the people who made me Mom…Hollie, Zoë, Abigael, Jodie and Daniel. For them that is always first how they shall see me and think of me as…I am Mom; affectionately, Mommy Dearest.

I don’t pretend to imagine that I am the best mom ever. The mistakes made along the way are certainly proof of that. But I am confident that I tried my very best always with all the baths, the books read, the meals made, the homework checked, the car rides, the concerts and games and recitals and shows attended, the doctors’ visits and occasional trips to the ERs and hospital bedside vigils and the endless sleepless nights well beyond the promised post newborn baby period. Hollie, Zoë, Abigael, Jodie and Daniel perhaps might not think of all of these when they think of me, but I trust, hope and pray that when they do think of me they will know Mom, in one small way or another is always there when they need me the most because I am…even if it is just that voice in their heads.

To my darling children who right now are looking at this six year old family portrait thinking, “Really, Mom! You had to chose THIS picture of us to share?”, I will remind you of what your Dad and I do want this year for Mother’s Day, your parents’ wedding anniversary and Father’s Day…love you kids!…get on it!…make those family pictures happen!

Thank you, my children, for transforming me, turning me in to forever Mom. May you always see the good, the fun, the silly and every time that I was and am there for you and, perhaps a lot like this.

Well, except for the hair styling because, kids, we all know that is certainly not true about me thanks to so much photographic evidence…and whatever is chewy chicken to you.

Hazel’s Mother’s Day tribute to her mama brought back so many memories. I am certain I have at least five very similar tributes tucked away somewhere. It’s things like these that make a Mom laugh, cry and reassure them just a little that they really are all right…and the kids will be too.  Hazel’s Mother’s Day tribute also provides further proof that Hollie is indeed raising someone so much like herself…and, that she is, in all the good ways, a lot like me. That will be one of the good things about Mother’s Day 2016.

doves cry today

I was dreaming’ when I wrote this, forgive me if I go astray. Today started out so good in spite of the massive allergies induced headache that has lasted for days because of all the pollen and dust in Manteca triggering all the histamines in my body, and then the skies felt like they were all purple and…

and…then the moment where more of the music that has been a part of my heart, my mind, my soul and shaped the thinking, feeling, loving, living person I am today, more of that music has died suddenly, without warning today along with Lemmy and Bowie and Mic Gillette and Glenn Frey and Paul Kantner and Maurice White and Dan Hicks and it’s only April and suddenly I want someone to check on Bruce Springsteen and Bono and Madonna and so many other icons, who I never really known, but dammit, they helped me to know myself so much better and I want to make sure that they are okay. Someone, please check on all the music icons of the 70s and 80s and 90s please! Doves are crying right now y’all and I make no apology for the massive run-on sentence that I just now wrote. No apologies because life is just a party, and parties weren’t meant 2 lastDearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life…without Prince.

Where exactly do we start?

And just as the day began to wind down…

This.

Greg was a dear, sweet friend. An old friend. A friend who shared so much music…so much amazing music filled with all the life and love and passion and joy that is part of life.

Yes, more tears. So honored, so blessed to say that I got to sing with this guy on stage sometimes. Remembering most of Solid Rock’s (the group of talented musicians, vocalists and me) rehearsals like that one time he created an amazing song about my moody three year old, Abigael and the time where he shared his excitement that my seven year old Hollie declared how much she hated jazz because she recognized jazz when she heard it as he was vamping jazz chords on the piano.

And you know what? I think I just want today to be over…over right now because I just can’t bear to hear the sound when doves cry.

Hug the ones you love y’all. Play all the music that touches the deepest parts of your soul for them too.

work clothes

Way, way back in 1990, when I was but a baby nurse, Bill and Hollie would stop by in the wee small hours of the morning to say hello on their way to day care and work. That is work for my darling husband and day care for 3 year old Hollie…SIGH! It was a hard thing for her to understand at that age, her mommy (when she called me mommy) heading off to work after tucking her in. So many questions she had then because who works ALL NIGHT LONG and in their PAJAMAS; at least in her 3 year old mind the nursing scrubs I was wearing when she would come and share a bowl of cereal with Scotty, the respiratory therapist while she waited for me to get off work and take her to day care were pajamas. Hollie regarded this with a mix of admiration and suspicion because no other grown up she knew wore pajamas to work, yet how cool to be able to wear pajamas to work!

How cool indeed!

And, apparently, there is such a thing as National Wear Your Pajamas To Work Day. My Timehop app told me so yesterday.

See.

Kind of cool except yesterday was Saturday. But hey, nurses work all the hours of every single day and every single night so naturally…

I wore my pajamas, er, scrubs to work. No, I don’t sleep in my scrubs because, ew, all the hospital bugs and yuck; but my current favorite scrubs are practically soft and comfortable enough that they might as well be pajamas.

Traditionally National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day is always the day after taxes are due in the United States; and if you’ve just paid your taxes you deserve an ULTRA-CASUAL day, don’t you? Hey, you’ve got to go to work, but who says you’ve got to change into your clothes! So actually National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day should be Tuesday, April 19 since Tax Day this year is tomorrow.

RIGHT??!!

Guess what? I am working Tuesday night. I’m definitely celebrating…again. I might even get fancy and wear flowers in my hair.

Hmmm…

If you haven’t already filed, GET YOUR TAXES DONE!