we are here

Amazing how far we have traveled!

From building walls to being too ugly to be President.

How the menstrual cycle of a debate moderator most likely affects her fairness in such role.

Debating the size of a candidate’s hands versus the size of other body parts.

Accepting the mocking of a reporter’s physical disability.

Questioning the physical attractiveness of a candidate’s wife.

Borrow the speech of a First Lady word for word.

Post middle of the night Twitter rants against opponents, parents of soldiers killed in action, former beauty queens.

Candy and breath mints brands are compelled to formally distance themselves from a candidate.

Smile more!

Don’t smile!

Shout it out loud.

Stop shouting!

Don’t laugh.

Don’t stand by your man except when you are standing by your man.

And now grabbing pussies!

Yes, we are talking about grabbing pussies in a Presidential campaign one month before Election Day. We could agree that this is guy talk which is supposed to make such talk okay or that hopefully most men have evolved beyond the adolescent PE locker room banter. We might womensplain the trigger warning such talk brings about of that weird Uncle fondling hello at a family reunion or the middle aged stranger groping your crotch right before he exits the BART train or listening to a sound technician on your headset backstage discuss the size of the tits of a 16 years old GIRL on stage representing your kid’s dance team and honestly, why any of this behavior is acceptable at all….EVER!

We could. We are. We are because here we are one month before Election Day.

Meanwhile, pussies like Zelda just want to be left out of this.


just another bitch with an opinion, basically

When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man. When a woman gives her opinion, she’s a bitch.
― Bette Davis

Since the first debate last Monday, I have wanted to say so much…as has pretty much everyone else…and I thank every one who has flooded social media with all that you have wanted to say. Not that anything any one of us has to say is going to change any one voter’s mind as to who they are going to vote for. Of course I am assuming that there is really no undecided voter out there. If you are with her; you are with her. If you are all about a principled candidate to lead one of the global leading nations, yet has no clue as to what is going on globally; you are going to stand on those principles…even if his own running mate concedes Hillary Clinton is the most qualified. You might be supporting Jill Stein…sorry, I’m trying to understand that choice but I just can not. But you do you. Perhaps you are for Trump…and I swear I try really, really, really hard not to make assumptions…really I do, even if there are so many reasons why one might question the reasoning of a Trump supporter. We all are standing by our man or woman and I know there is nothing any of us can say that will change the resolve of the other.

So be it but god help us all too.

The biggest thing on my mind after the debate was the reality of what it is like to be a woman or a girl in this world right now in two thousand sixteen..


I remember one of my first parent-teacher conferences as a young mother. Hollie’s teacher began with enthusiasm explaining to me that it was easy to tell that my child was the first born because she always took charge making sure classmates knew what they should be doing at any given time.

Yeah. she can be pretty bossy sometimes.

No. No she is not bossy. She is a natural leader.

as first born children often are like 28 of the 44 US Presidents, and Gary Johnson and Hillary Clinton. And that, boys and girls was the first of many moments where I realized that I might imagine me a feminist raising my daughters to be feminists except I really had much to learn and understand…and I have thanks to raising up four amazing, smart, capable women who just so happen to be my daughters.

As mother to these women, watching them and their friends grow up through the years, I have come to see that they are not bossy. They are indeed so much more than how they might be dressed, how they wear their hair or whether or not they smile.

Whether we intended or not, like their mother (and perhaps generations of ancestors before them) they have mastered the art of looking interested when a dumb man is talking. Every single woman at some point in her life..and probably at a lot of points, and most probably on a daily basis has been forced to quietly sit and just accept that a man is yelling at her, or being wrong toward her or any other nonsensical thing that we as a society of women just accept is our lot in life in order to advance in school, in work and sometimes just to survive.

As women we learn that our appearance is a big factor in how the world sees us. From the time we are just girls, we learn that how we are dressed has an effect on pretty much everyone. Our dress distracts. Our dress labels us. Whether good or bad the question often ends being but what was she wearing even when one is running for President.

We are told to smile because when we smile we are prettier and the implication that appearing attractive to men is one of our responsibilities. Then there’s the humbling of being told the correct way to feel because we should always be happy! Except when we shouldn’t smile because we are being condescending and smug; which is absolutely not attractive…not. at. all.

And our voices…raise our voice we are shrill, bitchy and not feminine at all.

Don’t forget, we also can be too fat or too skinny.

In my lifetime we have indeed come a long way, baby, but this election season smacks us in the face every day that its a long, long road still.

we the people

A recent conversation with one of my children challenged me and inspired me.

I deleted Facebook from my phone.

So many reasons why but mostly because of all the noise…Election, Black Lives Matter, All Lives Matter, Trump, Hillary, building walls, Allepo, Kaepernick, the National Anthem, the Bill of Rights…and on and on and on…and a desire to be present here and now. Besides, only old people are really on Facebook everyday…making all kinds of noise.

The conversation provoked me and inspired me and yet here I am, not quite ready to delete Facebook from my phone because I just might be one of those old people on Facebook everyday.

It’s true, y’all…the millennials and younger just are not on Facebook…even if you are friends with your kids on Facebook. There are so many other choices out there in social media world where their parents don’t hang out…and, like vinyl, actual face to face interactions and conversations is the new thing…apparently.

At least that is what she tells me.

I can’t delete Facebook from my phone just yet; but I am close. Like my child, I just can’t stomach so much of it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and my friends and I love that we can be social together there. Except lately many are not. I mean, how social are we posting our political and social point of view as if it is THE ONLY one anyone should have when it coms to this election season or which lives really matter or the start of a sporting event or which Amendment of our Bill of Rights is the most important Amendment of all and if family and friends on Facebook don’t agree we must BLAST them and anyone else on Facebook because that surely will compell them all to agree with the only RIGHT opinion…yours.

The shade our Founding Fathers are throwing our way right now is strong.

A friend of mine recently became a US citizen which is super cool. She prepared and studied hard for a test which I seriously doubt quite a few of my Facebook family and friends born in the USA could pass…dare I suggest the ones especially who are the most vocal in their political leanings and how one must position themselves when the National Anthem is playing at a football game…who also will post how hard they are trying to get out of jury duty?

The way I see it, standing, sitting, kneeling at the start of a football game is not a measure of who is the most American of all; but it is something we all, as Americans can enjoy and choose (for now) thanks to that First Amendment in our Bill of Rights.

That same darling clown of mine who deleted Facebook in order to be more present does not stand when the anthem is played but she does vote and does report for jury duty without complaint. I might not wholly agree with her reasoning, but I am super proud that she willingly accepts her rights AND her responsibilities as a citizen of our United States...and I literally can not be prouder.

inside on the outside

Regina: But you’re, like, really pretty.
Cady: Thank you.
Regina: So you agree?
Cady: What?
Regina: You think you’re really pretty?
Cady: Oh… I don’t know

~ Mean Girls

Yes, when I find myself in times of trouble sometimes the only thing that makes sense of it all is to quote Mean Girls…if quoting Lennon and McCartney doesn’t work especially in what appears to be a shitty world full of some sometimes pretty shitty people…pretty, shitty people included.

Forgive me, I might be whining a little as I see beautiful people showing the hollow, ugly core that is on the inside. The most perfectly beautiful of people can sometimes be the meanest, the cruelest, the ugliest; and thanks to their social media and their desire to remind us all just how awesome and cool and hardcore bitchy they are, we get to see the ugly on the inside.

When I was trying desperately to survive the cruel awkward that is adolescence coming to terms with the reality that I wasn’t pretty…in the eyes of equally insecure peers…I wasn’t lucky to have social media to reinforce what the adults in my life then were trying to teach me…that the prettiest of people actually were super ugly assholes. How that would have helped me then.

You’re like really pretty but thanks to what you share on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or Snapchat, we can see what’s really inside whether your mocking, shaming or celebrating bad choices because I mean…u gotta do it sometimes. Trust me, we see it. It is forever, yes, even if it’s Snapchat. Karma will one way or another come back to you. It has to.

In the meantime, I will try be more like this beautiful person because no beauty shines brighter than that of a kind heart.

How our family got so lucky to have someone as beautiful as him, in our lives I will never know but I will give thanks for such a wonderful gift that always inspires and compells me to be better.

they go low and I go…medium-ish

Remember when First Lady Michelle Obama declared “when they go low, we go high” and I added to my ever growing list of things I admire about Michelle Obama and wish that I had…those arms, her style, her Mom dance moves…well, do you remember? Words to live by, especially right now, I told myself; and I have tried to do just that.

Try being the operative word.

But sometimes I just can’t help myself like when a certain Presidential candidate has yet another Twitter tantrum, as he does pretty much every damn day. I could have walked away because they go low, we go high except I didn’t. Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself. I’m weak. But given the overall reaction, I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t help but appreciate the irony or just how un-presidential the tantrums are. Literally even cousin Joe appreciated the irony. No, we aren’t really cousins. Of course, share your opinion and it will bring all the trolls to the yard.

When they go low, we go high…and thank you sweet baby Jesus and Twitter and Facebook for the mute, block and unfollow options because, oh my, how the trolls do swarm sometimes.

Calling me a feminist? Well, I am female and I am the mother of four females and grandmother of two more. I have a few sisters and nieces too along with friends whom I care for who also just so happen to be female too. Perhaps I might actually have a vested interest in things that are social,legal, political and economic concerns for women because I am a woman. Go figure! Yes, I said that. I know. I know…don’t feed the trolls. Drunk with likes and retweets and even cousin Joe’s encouragement, I just could not stop myself. But trolls are trolls and because they live under most bridges they go low. Why engage in an intelligent exchange of ideas back and forth when one can poke fun at one’s outward appearances? Intelligent debate is for losers and all the other insults that any 7th grade schoolyard bully can think of…just like a certain candidate they support.

You go low I will try to go high. Perhaps not as high as Mrs. Obama.

You go low and today I will go medium-ish because, yes, that is me. Ultimately I believe that love, kindness and respect trumps hate and your #altright vitriol; which I have to say is far more frightening than Mr. Trump’s vitriolic tantrums ever will be. Seriously trolls, y’all are crazy mother f-ers….especially that one I am related t who literally can not just walk away from Facebook. All I can say to the rest of the world is I’m sorry because I did drop him on his head once. I can’t believe that Mommy Dearest never found out.

And if you haven’t figured it out by now, yes, I’m with her because I need to hope that love can and will trump hate.