a slow day

When you have no appointments, no particular thing to do or place to be there is sooo much that can be done…so much to be accomplished. So you check that to-do list that is is just too much…but today, at least, it can wait for another day…another day. Today is a slow day and, for once, you are going to to take the time to do slow day kind of things:

Like curling your hair and putting on makeup.

Then take a picture because you know this won’t last. But now it will because you took a picture which will end up being your social media profile pic because it’s a slow day and you have time for that…and because you curled your hair and put on makeup.

A bit self indulgent, I know.

Perhaps I should consider others on a slow day.

Don’t judge. Son is at school. Darling husband is at work. Darling daughters are on their own in the world doing on-your-own-in-the-world grown-up kind of things. Don’t tell me that you weren’t asking the same question about Siri. Well now you know. You’re welcome.

Oh, and on this slow day I begin a little light reading.

And discover what was likely Lin Manuel Miranda’s epiphany while enjoying a little poolside vacation light reading…832 pages of light reading, y’all. On a slow day seems like the thing to do, to begin.

 

the one that knows me best

That moment when you update your smart phone…

That moment when as you hit that update button and agree to all the terms of service (that your really did not read,even if you lied a little and hit the button that says you read all the terms of service) when you also light a candle, burn some sage, perhaps make a small sacrifice and pray…pray that it doesn’t take hours or turn your smart phone into a useless brick.

Yes! That moment!

Good times, fun times, always.

I got lucky this time. Ten minutes. That’s all it took before I was able to text with lasers…which is probably THE BEST thing…aside from the optimize storage feature, the data saving features, FINALLY able to delete the Apple Stocks app because I have never, ever used that app. But the coolest, yet disconcerting and perhaps creepy creeper creep feature has to be this.

I get into the car and my smart phone KNOWS I am going to works…HOW??!!

How? How does it know where I’m going when I am running errands? How??!!

You’re creeping me out iPhone. I appreciate the traffic update as I leave for work or Target or Safeway or Costco or the orthodontist or picking up Daniel at school or meeting Zoë for lunch or my massage appointment but at the same time I am a little bit creeped out right now. Not a clown-is-stalking-me creeped out but you are getting a little too close. But thank you, iPhone.

Until your next update… 

you gotta pay

When FaceTiming with your grand girl, Hazel, you discover that some things she won’t do just because you ask her to…even if you are her Papa-Papa (so good the grandkids have named you twice). No, sorry even when you ask your grand girl to give her mommy a wet willy. Sure, it’s your thing but you aren’t there at that very moment. So, because she needs it and deserves it, you call on your grand girl to do the deed for you and…

How much will you pay me?

Yes, she did just ask that. Sorry. You might be Papa-Papa but Hazel Faye knows there is a cost and you must pay. So, Papa-Papa, how much?

I’ll give you five dollars.

Hmmm….

Okay, six. I will pay you six dollars.

How do I know that you won’t have the money the next time I see you?

This kid is good!

Papa-Papa grabs and envelope, writes Hazels name on it in bold letters, places the money into the envelope and seals it. Then he holds it up to the iPhone camera for Hazel to see.

There! Now do it!

She laughs. Her mother rolls her eye that clearly says, OMG, Dad!.

Do it!!!

And, Hazel does.

Don’t spend my money!

She did check before visiting us to make sure her payment for services rendered was still there. 

This kid is good!