better things to do

On The Big Top calendar, written on January 20th is the day America ends. Melodramatic much, I know. While I appreciate and admire the Obama family and administration teaching us all how to say goodbye with this transition of power, I am not ready to accept it. Sorry, but I can not accept that man as my president…and I can’t imagine that I ever will. He has promised, and has already began to take steps to dismantle and remove so much that makes America great. That’s right Trumpkins, as messy and flawed as we are, America is already great because of US! So, for the first time since the Nixon administration, I will not be watching. Not on TV. I will not be listening on the radio. I will not be following on any social media platform. I can not and will not give that thin-skinned narcissist the attention, the numbers and the ratings that he so desperately craves. Besides, I’ve got better things to do.

  • Wash my hair. My daughter, Hollie,has been working hard to teach me that dirty hair is okay – and better for my hair. I can only use so much dry shampoo though; so tomorrow I am washing my hair.
  • I’m going to shave my legs too. Seeing a specialist today about the chronic joint pain, swelling and deformity that I have been dealing with for months now, I thought to myself that I should have shaved my legs this morning as he was examining my knees. Oh well, it’s winter! But tomorrow I am going to shave my legs.
  • Run errands.
  • Buy a rice cooker. I need one.
  • Buy some pretty, pretty flowers. I’m thinking a bouquet of white and purple blossoms would be lovely.
  • Listen to Hamilton and the Hamilton Mixtape. Better yet, I am going to listen to the Women’s March on Washington playlist on Spotify.
  • Laundry.
  • Binge watch. I’m thinking Master of None because laughing is going to be good tomorrow.
  • Smile and say hello to people.
  • Hold the door for someone.
  • Pay someone a compliment.
  • Punch a few holes in the walls of The Big Top because Fallon painted me a painting and Daniel has this vintage Sonic poster that he got for his birthday and they both need to hung.
  • Go see Hidden Figures, again, with my guys.
  • Work a little on this little arts and crafts project of mine.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day because I have so many better things to do.

Saturday is going to be even better.

2016 festivus is best for us

Something about this year, 2016, makes Festivus the perfect thing to be celebrating right now. Should we begin with the airing of grievances?

Oh dear. We could be here for a very great while.

A. Very. Great. While.

Personally, today I have survived the epic quest that is grocery shopping on December 23. As I began my odyssey, two women were very angry at me because while they waited for a bagger to find them each a shopping cart, because there literally were none to be had, I offered to share my umbrella with a shopper leaving the store and walk with her to her car in exchange for her shopping cart. I must have an honest smile because she gratefully accepted.

Don’t hate angry women.

I dodged carts and shoppers and kids while filling my cart with all the Festivus, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day food supplies…and I might have added just one more bottle of wine because of the dodging carts, shoppers and kids and waiting in line to pay for my very full cart for over an hour.

Why would anyone be surprised that two days before Christmas the friendly, neighborhood Safeway would be so crowded?

To be honest, the wait for the next available checker was actually not bad. We became a community cheering one another on for finding the very last carton of egg nog or box of candy canes and watching each other’s carts because “Shit, I forgot ____ and _____.” It might be crowded, the shelves might be quickly emptying of holiday necessities, one might have to beg and barter for an empty shopping cart, and there might be that one shopper who tries to ignore the line completely, but I have survived and have completed my quest!

I think I got everything.

I hope that I got everything.

Oh well!

All the gifts are wrapped and under the tree, except that one for that one kid, I survived the epic quest that is grocery shopping on December 23. It’s windy, cold and raining right now. I’m cuddled up with my new heating pad for my aching joints and back. I just now opened that one more bottle of wine. I’m going to stay right here.

Happy Festivus to rest of us!

I should write

I should write but…


it’s raining and we know how everything literally SHUTS DOWN in California when it is raining.

Still, I should write…


but I’m working on trying not to fall down whilst attempting Virabhadrasana II. Actually Warrior II isn’t so bad. It’s my creaky, older, achy joints that are the problem. Something else I can try to blame on the rain.


I have (as always) laundry to fold…WARM, fresh out of the dryer laundry to fold before Zelda curls up on it all spreading the glitter that is cat hair ALL OVER IT because all the freshly laundered clothes are so soft and warm and purr-rect for a kitty like her to curl up in. She thinks so.


Hollie is distracting me from writing sending me impossibly adorable pictures and videos of little ballerina girls. I should be writing but I can’t. I just can’t even!


Plus it’s raining and my backyard is literally flooded…

I should be writing but…


the struggle…

It’s real.


You know those days where it seems like there is just not enough hours in the day for all that you need to get accomplished? My day, all day today. I have a list of errands to run as long as my arm and projects to get started on as well as the usual upkeep and juggling that comes with this circus life. So I throw on a pair of jeans, comfortable sweatshirt and sensible shoes, set my jaw, put my head down and begin to get it done because that is what I do.

I get it done.

I’m a get it done kind of girl.

Until I find myself at the WRONG bank. The bank I am supposed to be at to make that deposit at for my daughter is a totally different bank on the other side of town. Bank of the West…Wells Fargo…see how easy it is to get that mixed up?

It could be that easy!

Well, it could be!!

But I get that first errand done and it only took maybe only 90 minutes because it seems that every Wells Fargo customer living in Manteca was there when I were there. It’s all good. That errand is done.

Cross off ONE!


Feeling really accomplished, I look at that list of things to get done and get started today and well, there just are not enough hours today, one of my rare Saturdays off.

Thank goodness tomorrow Daylight Savings Time ends around 2 AM and we are to imagine that an hour is gained…except I hope to be sleeping when that hour is repeated…unlike last year.

Nevertheless, hour gained, lost or never really there to begin with, I still have a to-do list as long as my arm save for the three things I did manage to get done on one of my rare Saturdays off. One way or another I’m going to get them done because, like I said, I am a get it done kind of girl…a get it done eventually kind of girl.

NaPhoPoMo day 2

where I just said oh feck it and pounded some nails into the walls

We moved into our current Big Top in June 2011 and until today none of my photographs or art hung on the walls…none. Sure there was the very much needed calendar and clock on the wall…and in Jodie’s room are boy bands all over the walls surrounded by dance and school spirit posters…but nothing else was hung. And until we hung that ruler I made for Daniel in the sitting room, I really had no desire to do anything about it. All my treasured photographs and art remained boxed up and stored in the little cupboard under the stairs; which is supposed to be for my grandgirls to hide their toys to play in…after I paint over the hideous, half-assed fuschia chalkboard paint job. I have no clue about that. But yeah, we have had naked rental white walls and after losing the Big Top we built and made into a home, I just could not bring myself to hang my pictures.

I had a lot of good reasons:

  • The interior of this house needs to be painted…properly. I like my landlord a lot. He’s agreeable. He took a chance on us in spite of our sad financial state of affairs when we lost our home. He let us keep our dogs even though he had originally said no to pets. He looks the other way when my grandbabies’ cat, Bagheera comes over to visit. He let me paint the bannister. Yes, he is a pretty decent landlord…who did a craptastic job of patching and repainting the walls in this house. So I told myself that as soon as I had the money…and the time…and the energy I would paint these walls. Of course that would mean climbing a giant ladder for the 20 foot high ceilings in the sitting room and dining room. I look over at my darling husband and he shakes his head no..
  • I had babies and toddlers underfoot a lot. I don’t watch the girls full time anymore but they are still here a lot…almost everyday.
  • the greenhouse that is this house would ruin my treasures for sure.
  • and all kinds of other lame good excuses.

Truth be told I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Michelle pretty much hit the nail on the head (yes, pun intended) when she shared with me that she hasn’t been able to do the same thing in her current home because it would be as if she has set roots in that house…something after a few years she doesn’t want to do…like me, for a lot of reasons.We’re planning on a shared shrink session to delve into these issues of ours.

Losing the original Big Top was hard on me. There was so many different kinds of feelings that held me down in such a way that I could not move to make this house, this rental, into a home. A home for me, for my darling husband, for my children. Of course I was so wrapped and bound up in my depression and grief that I couldn’t see the effect that it has had on my family…

until Abby came downstairs as I hung up the first picture, a lovely print of a field of poppies, and said, “You’re hanging up the pictures! Now it will feel like we’re home!

You know what? She was right.

It was feeling less hollow.

A little more warm and not in that it is as hot as a freaking greenhouse way.

I still want to paint because this is just stupid. Later.

I will say that this pinterest idea really worked out well.

Oh but there is so much more left.

But it’s a start.