A dear friend I have known since we were pregnant with our now 20 year old children recently turned 40. I was a little surprised and amused that it was such a traumatic event for her. I mean this lady is hot. No way she looks 40 much less the mother of a 20 year old and two teenagers. Still it was a hard transition for her and in spite of encouragement from those around her…you know, telling her just how gorgeous she really was and so on…she still was not ready to gracefully turn 40 much less rock the shit out of it. The days leading up to the big day she fretted over whether her beautiful long hair should be more age appropriate and should she be dressing in a more matronly fashion and on and on. And then, the fateful day arrived and lo, she realized she is still the same amazing woman that she was the night before when she was 39. She was still married to her big, handsome man who is hopelessly in love with her and still the mom of her three beautiful, accomplished children and she was still the woman who was finally pursuing her passion and talent in a new amazing career opportunity. And she was now phenomenally, fabulously forty…and dang if it doesn’t look amazing on her!
Another friend fretted just a little how she was headed to swim lessons with her small one wearing a swimsuit that was definitely NOT “momish”.She then later added how she was the only mom there rocking a two-piece. First I thought, you go on with your bad self girl. Then I thought, momish? What the hell is momish? I’m guessing momish is wearing a one piece suit or worse.
Momish? It sounds like such an ugly, bad thing.
Truth be told my friends, 40 and 30-something ladies, are moms…I’m a mom too…a 50 year old mom…so wouldn’t it follow we are all momish…being moms and all that?
Yes, it would. So then what is momsih? Are we supposed to dress in a certain manner just because we are moms? Should we be wearing our hair a certain way…you know, the “mom-cut” in a good momish fashion? Do we give up the bikinis just because we are moms? The short skirts? The shorts? The piercings? The ink? The long hair with beachy waves? Should we color our hair or just let the gray shine through?
Some of us do wrestle with these questions and I would suggest that our sizes and shapes or age perhaps really have not much to do with that. But some do because, well, “they” expect it and dictate it. Some of us do because of practicality and and the life that is breastfeeding a baby while juggling two in diapers and potty training another and there just isn’t time to be dressed to impressed because, seriously, we are just lucky that we managed a 2 minute shower after putting them all down for an afternoon nap. I know it’s been awhile since that was my life but in all honesty, it wasn’t THAT long ago that that was my life.
Nowadays I do manage to fix my long hair all pretty…more because of the fact I am a walking calling card for my daughter who does my hair…and I do manage to put on makeup and wear nice tees and jeans or shorts or a short denim skirt. And I do rock a bikini. My kids are older so I don’t have a nursing baby or toddler and preschoolers to chase after. I have a little more time…not much, but time enough time. Yes, I’m 50. I’m an older mom. I’m a mima too. But I definitely have confidence perhaps that I didn’t have back when I had one or two small ones, worried about what others were thinking. Nowadays I really don’t care. Perhaps because I know that the opinion of the pool mom in the animal print string bikini and spray tan isn’t really important just as the opinion of the mom wearing yoga pants and a baggy tee with her reverse mullet hair.. They don’t matter because we all are moms and we all look momish. There’s no getting away from that especially when we have kids calling out “Mom!” in our general direction. It takes all kinds of different beauty to make moms.
Regardless of all of that, while we all are moms, more importantly we are women, we are human beings and we are who we are. We are all beautiful. We all are awesome. Perhaps it is time we ALL realize that and celebrate it all. I for one intend to today, tomorrow and for years to come.
And someday, if I am lucky, I might be just as gorgeous as this mom, my darling husband’s grandmother, Hazel the First.
Seriously, she makes “momish” AND 93 look hot.