somewhere between

Today’s distraction from the destruction of America is midlife crises, aching joints, chronic pain, osteoarthritis, old lady problems, Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition and braids.

Really! These are the bright, shiny objects that I might allow myself to focus on rather than Senate Republicans show how easily that they can be bought by a newly minted Education Secretary who has no fucking clue; and how easily offended they can be upon hearing the words of the late Coretta Scott King. Poor little snowflakes!

Arguably, these might be issues in today’s news that deserve my time, my energy, my focus…and they have had that until…

Um, over 55? This? Well, okay, yes, this IS over 55 but come on, The Times UK! I will be 55 next month. Sure, I am struggling lately with osteoarthritis and chronic pain that makes me hate life; especially when I need to get something out from those cupboards under the counter or the kitchen sink or just get through a typical day. But I can still rock the pigtails here.

Instagram Likes tell me so.

And just as I settle in imagining that I remain forever young in spite of media’s perception of what 55 and over looks like and whether or not pigtails are appropriate for women of a certain age  or the fact that I literally can not crouch down or run or walk any distance…

there is Christie Brinkley. SIXTY THREE YEAR OLD Christie Brinkley in a bikini in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

Damn!

 

an unraveling

Midlife is not a crisis. Midlife is an unraveling.

Midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close and whispers in your ear: it’s time. All of the pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armour could you secure all the things you needed to feel worthy and lovable, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever. Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. The time has come to let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.

~ Brene Brown

Not my words, yet these are literally thoughts that spin in my mind as I get up in the morning and try to stretch limbs that ache and protest just a little in a way that they have never before. They are words I hear within my inner dialogue as I wash my face and appraise lines that are named after years of stress, worry, smiles, laughter and so much living. This is midlife I tell myself…this is my midlife I say out loud as I see my reflection smiling back at me in the morning light.

No makeup, dirty hair, morning light filter and I am just fine. This is midlife.